POLITICS, SOCIAL INJUSTICE
Marjorie Taylor Greene Vows To End Islamophobia By Launching A Muslim Genocide
Can’t hate on Muslims if they no longer exist
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Can’t hate on Muslims if they no longer exist.
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene went on a 2 hour televised tirade in Congress, trying to convince her coworkers of her “flawless logic.”
“I’ve heard a lot of conversation from my colleagues across the aisle about Islamophobia in America, which we are completely against hate of any kind against anyone. In America, you can practice any religion of your choice. As long as the religion starts with Christ and ends with ianity.
“That being said, I propose an alternate method to eliminate Islamophobia in America. Instead of shaming the my supporters and those who express hateful views, we need to exterminate Muslims so we can protect my subjects’ feelings.
“This is a win-win for all of us. I can still stay in power. My supporters can calm down. Democrats can finally get rid of Islamophobia, as there are no more Muslims in America to hate on.”
Greene’s ethnic cleansing proposal was negatively received. House leader Kevin McCarthy facepalmed for 5 minutes. Representative Ilhan Omar spoke up and pressured McCarthy and the rest of the GOP to grow a conscience.
“As a Muslim, I’m shocked to hear that Greene wants to resort to concentration camps and genocide to get rid of our kind. I am appalled that Republicans like her are fine with these statements. Greene, you have done enough. Have you no sense of decency?”
McCarthy tried to reason with Omar.
“Greene’s opinions are very radical, but she’s not entirely wrong. We’ve tried for years to get the white man to change, to little avail. They are still traumatized by 9/11. We may have to get rid of Muslims to soothe their terrorism fears.”
Omar then asked why McCarthy didn’t get rid of white Americans to assuage the public’s fear of mass shootings. McCarthy had no words.
Despite McCarthy’s attempts to keep all opinions heard, the other Republicans voted with Democrats to remove Greene from her assignments. “Greene made a foolish mistake in vocally supporting genocide,” Representative Lauren Boebert stated. “We Republicans can’t be direct targets for the libtards to attack freely. We have to be subtle in our racism.”
After being ousted, Greene summoned all her followers and reporters to her speech on the Lincoln Memorial. Greene cried.
“My colleagues have silenced me! Our country is in grave danger. There is an Islamic invasion into our government offices right now. The Democrats are now controlled by the Jihad Squad, and are threatening my Republican colleagues to side with them. Representative Ilhan Omar is conspiring to overthrow the government because she is a representative of radical Islam¹. We can’t have extremely narrow minded religious nuts in Congress.”
We were amused that this representative of radical Christianity now claims that religion should be separate from government. We raised our hand and asked Greene if this means that Christianity and Jesus should not be present in Congress. “NO!” Greene shrieked. “Christianity is the one true religion! Everything else is a scam!”
We asked Greene why she thought Islam was a fake religion. Greene smirked.
“You’re a dumb bitch, aren’t you? Muslims are hell-bent on swearing by the Karen! Anyone with common sense knows this goes against Christianity. We Christians recognize our messiah as Jesus Christ, not as an entitled white woman!”
We didn’t have the heart to tell Greene that it’s pronounced Qur’an, not Karen.
We stepped away from this rant to regenerate our damaged brain cells. We were shocked that a member of Congress would see nothing wrong with following Adolf Hitler’s guide to ethnic cleansing. We wondered if there was a deeper reason for Greene’s hate. We reached out to Dr. Daniel Fessler, a professor of biological anthropology at the University of California, Los Angeles. Fessler sat down with us to explain that Greene’s actions are in line with evolutionary psychology.
“Marjorie Taylor Greene is exactly how you expect a white conservative woman to behave. It’s hard to believe, but millions of conservative women faced a lot of hardships. Marital rape, domestic abuse, limited opportunities due to strict religious upbringings, no education. Their complaints fell on deaf ears whenever they spoke up. Conservative women suffered in silence, and thus feel no obligation to help future generations succeed. Hence why a lot of white females vote for Donald Trump. These creatures feel that to make things fair in the world, other females should suffer the same way they did.
“It’s no surprise that Greene is favoring genocide, as she has experienced it first-hand.”
We asked when Greene has personally experienced genocide. Fessler beamed.
“Why, it was 40,000 years ago! Around the time when Neanderthals became extinct due to competitive exclusion! Humans had better traits to survive, and thus beat the Neanderthals for acquiring similar resources. With no means to adapt, the Neanderthals died out. Humans have indirectly killed off the Neanderthals through natural selection!
“While unintentional, this is still the first genocide in history. Greene still resents humans for not helping out her Neanderthal kind, and wishes to get even for their indirect genocide.”
Fessler marveled.
“We’re still shocked that Marjorie Taylor Greene is the last of the Neanderthals! She may be the smartest caveman alive if she was able to survive for that many years. Greene may not be able to read a book, but she can certainly survive on the streets. She quickly found a community who accepted her: poor, racist, white dumbfucks. She leveraged those voices to get elected in office. She used her platform to spread conspiracy theories and false information, sewing distrust among the American public. Greene deepened division between liberals and conservatives so much that a civil war is imminent. When the civil war happens, Greene can sit back and smile that she was able to exterminate humans by turning them against each other.”
We were shocked that humanity’s greatest threat is Marjorie Taylor Greene. We rushed to our car to warn others of this conspiracy, but Greene crashed her car into it. We tried exchanging insurance info with her, but Greene laughed. She then mocked us for spending more on car insurance from State Farm instead of switching to GEICO.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now.
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¹ Representative Ilhan Omar is not a radical Muslim. This lie was Marjorie Taylor Greene’s own words.
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