Love & Marriage
Love is a verb
I’ve often reflected on that definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13 in the Bible.
A friend once told me “Love is a verb.”
I wondered what he meant by that. As I considered the above passage and his words, it became clear to me: Love involves action. It is not passive.
To love someone or something is to want to be with that person or thing. In fact, we’ll move heaven and earth to be together.
I just read an article by Rosennab:
In it the author talks about her and her husband entering into a long-distance (Living Apart Together — LAT) relationship so he could take his dream job in New York while she continued to live and work in Colorado. Making such a relationship work must be hard. Why? Because the desire of the heart for the loved one to be together is so strong.
Still, when you both have your dream jobs and, in a sense, are married to them… I can see how it could work.
As a wise counselor once told my wife and I: marriage is work. Marriage is more than love, it is hard work, and both parties must do their part. As that same counselor said: each must do their 50%, not 49% or 51%. In other words, each person must feel they are getting a good deal, that their partner is holding up his or her end of the bargain.
When I focus on my wife’s wants and needs and help her to satisfy them, she feels loved and appreciated and that makes me feel good. When I’m smart enough and perceptive enough to anticipate her need and satisfy it before she asks, all the better. Sad to say, that doesn’t happen too often. I’m one of those dense males who has to work at being sensitive and caring.
The little things count: doing the dishes after each meal or taking out the garbage without being asked. Buying some flowers and remembering wedding anniversary count big time. Buying flowers for no special reason other than to say “I love you” always makes her happy.
Like most men, I get wrapped up in my own thoughts and plans and activities. I have good concentration and it is an advantage when I’m working on a project such as writing this article. But, it can shut others out.
I’m an introvert, so being alone and working alone suits me. However, as my wife says, I need to come up for air once in a while. We need our together-time. (But, when I am in the thick of it, leave me alone!)
The lady in the article above talked about how important together-time was for them. She said they really enjoyed planning such times. They’d meet at his place or her place or somewhere in between. I’m sure, after being apart for an extended time, despite texting and FaceTime and Skype and Zoom, that being able to hug each other and kiss would be ever so sweet.
I used to travel and when I’d get back from a trip, my wife and I would take some time to be alone together. She needed a break from the kids and I needed to be close to her physically. Even being apart for a week at a time was hard. Back then we didn’t have cell phones, so keeping in tough while on the road meant a phone call home. Maintaining a relationship with just voice communication presented challenges.
Thankfully, I only traveled a week or two each month. I soon moved on to another job that involved less frequent travel, but I’d be gone for two-weeks at a time. In some ways that was much harder. I traveled to Japan and jet lag always hit me hard on the return trip. It would take me a week to get back to normal. During that time I’d sleep and be up at odd hours. It wore on our relationship. That job lasted about ten years and we managed to get through it. The fact that my wife could accompany me on some of those trips and visit her relatives in Japan helped immensely.
So “Love” for me means action. It means being together intimately, and often. It means showing the other person how much you care through your words and actions. It means doing things that make them happy. It means not doing things that displease them. It means working on the relationship.
Despite what “Love Story” said about love meaning never having to say you’re sorry:
Love means saying you’re sorry when you goof up!
Love is what fuels a marriage and any close relationship.
Love is a verb.
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