Love Is, A Relentless Partner Who Refuses To Give-up
For better, for worse, through health, through sickness.
My partner (“V”) and I have been together for over 10 years, married for 6. As you would expect, these years have had their own shares of ups and downs. More often than I would like to admit, I have let myself not be there fully due to personal crises or issues. However, the angel of a man that he is, he never gives up.
V and I were not a traditional match as per Indian society’s expectations. We both came from diverse backgrounds, and from different castes. Yes, before you ask, casteism is still as relevant in India as is sexism or ageism. He claims he knew he would marry me the day we started dating, and he stuck to his words. When we had to get married, it was none of the go-down on one knee fanfare. Rather, it was a family affair. It began with my father and V sitting down to have “the talk”. As smoothly as that went, there were bigger hurdles to tackle. You see, my family was urbanized and hence open to a love marriage. V’s family was much more conservative, and to make matters worse, nobody in his family knew about us!
He did not give up. He stood his ground and argued in our defense, all the while responding to questions like:
“Her family is very well-off, how will that girl ever adjust in our humble setting?” “Our families’ status don’t match, this relationship will not be a success.” “She is morbidly obese, couldn’t you find a slimmer or prettier girl?” “We will find you a homely girl from our caste, why do you want to marry out of caste?”
We had a beautiful wedding ceremony, full of love and acceptance. At our wedding, I weighed nearly 300 pounds, yet when I met V on the stage he told me I was the most beautiful woman in the world. All the fears I had of being judged by wedding guests, were washed away with his kind eyes and loving words. I knew then, that I had chosen a man who would always be there with me.
A couple of years after our wedding, we were blessed with the news of us being pregnant. It was surprising, it was love, it was hope, and it was a miracle. A miracle which had happened after months of me undergoing Genital Tuberculosis treatment, a disease that can cause infertility in women. Alas, the happiness didn’t last long. I had a miscarriage and it hit us really hard.
I don’t know how I fit anymore. I don’t know how we fit, how any of it works. — The Starling, Netflix
I had never seen V cry, the way I did then. They say a woman’s biggest loss is that of a child, but so is a man’s. I was fighting my own inner demons, blaming myself for what had happened; V took charge, he brought me back to my senses in spite of the pain he endured. He made me realize that it could happen to anyone, and he ensured I get up and move on (even while he was struggling). He was relentless in the way he loved me, and nurtured me back to good health, both physically and emotionally.
Happiness though is a fickle thing. In early 2020 we had another miscarriage, another heartbreak. It has not been easy, but V’s relentlessness gives me hope for a better tomorrow. Even when I drown in self-doubt, self-loathing, he would be a ray of sunshine and make me believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. On the days I do not wish to get out of bed, he will serve me morning tea in bed. On the days I feel homesick or just low, he would make me a special meal. On the days I feel like procrastinating, he would cook, clean, do laundry, and then make love to me. On the days when I am PMS-ing, he would bring me chocolates and wine. The days I am doubting, him, us, and me, he would resolve my concerns with resolute of forever love.
He, a man who has moved 10,270 kilometers from his home to a country unknown to us, for my aspirations, is the man who is love. Love of a lifetime.
Xo, Aakriti.
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I wish you, infinite love. Have a beautiful day.