Men and Their Porcelain Throne

Women’s point of view.

Know a man who spends eons in the bathroom? Maybe a friend, a boyfriend, a brother, a cousin, a colleague, or even a father? I remember as a kid I heard stories about a family friend who would spend hours on the throne. He loved the alone time so much, that he even had his whisky, cigarettes and daily newspaper kept in there. I would wonder, what is so fascinating about the bathroom, and why would one choose to sit there for time beyond need.

A couple of years ago a UK-based bathroom appliances company conducted a survey which revealed that men spend an average of 14 minutes on the toilet seat, while women spent at most 8minutes. — As reported by The Daily Mail.

There are various other surveys out there which more or less provide similar figures, most common being that men spend over 30 minutes in the bathroom while women would be out within 10 minutes (unless they’re having a nice bubble bath, with a glass of champagne)! As I read through more and more of these survey’s I realized it is not just me, women across the globe (and even men) are questioning the love affair then men have with their porcelain thrones. After speaking to a couple of friends I realized women share if not the same, then almost similar points of view on this. Troubling and funnily ironic!

So what do women think (read believe)?

• Erotica: This was the most common response. The majority of women believe that men spend so much time in the bathroom because they’re indulging in porn, erotic anime, fantasy magazines, nude model widespread, and other similar content. One friend even said, and I quote, “Even if he’s not looking at porn, he must be looking at pictures of the big-boobed, voluptuous ass, slim waist, blonde women — and that worries me, because I can not compete.”.
• Safe space: A lot of women believe that men use the porcelain throne as an escape room. It is their (significant other’s) haven, one they turn to when they need some “me time” or space from the family. A friend who is married with a toddler shared that while she understands his need to find some personal time, from all the screaming and overbearing toddler tantrums — but so does she; Unfortunately she can not take that kind of time off, especially when they’re home 24*7 thanks to the pandemic.
• News/ Sporting Reports: A lot of friends echoed the concept of men needing personal time to read the news or catch up on their favorite sport’s highlights. This is a point of view holding importance since many women do not have the same interests as their significant other’s; Hence, while he might want to catch up on news or sports highlights, she might want to read a book or catch up on her favorite sitcom.
• Social media: Men need to focus when scrolling through their social media, unlike women. This was a sentiment shared by many friends, which led me to think that the time that men spend in the bathroom is also used to catch up on their Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, Instagram, and other feeds. Though personally, this is not something I believe in, since if a man has to check up on his social media — why not do it in the same room? Unless of course there is a secret account/ website/ fan page, which he’d rather enjoy in solitude (which takes me back to point 1).
• Bad bowels: Many women echoed the sentiment that men take longer to poop either because they’re mostly constipated or otherwise, due to the larger intake of fibrous and meaty foods in men’s diets.

While capturing women’s perspective on this topic was interesting, what was more interesting was that a lot of the women were not comfortable with this time being spent by him in the bathroom. I always thought that I am one of the few, who had a problem with this — but not true! Can I say hallelujah? Most of my friends said that they had questioned their partners, but never got a proper response and then they didn’t pursue it because they didn’t want to be “nagging”. Especially over the last year and a half where couples and families have spent unrealistic time in proximity, this particular love affair of a man and his porcelain throne has become a trigger for dread, anxiety, and even insecurity.

So, if you’re a man, and you’re reading this article, please comment what are your thoughts? I personally, as would many more women out there, would want to hear your perspective. Why is the porcelain throne so important to you, my dear men?

Xo, Aakriti.

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