Look! I’m a Top Writer!

Look! No, I’m not!

Oh, the wild and wacky world of Medium!

We must be one tough bunch of scribes when we consider the roller coaster ride that is our “journey” here.

One day we’re floating on air and the next, we’re sucking sand.

Newbies, you’d better have a thick skin…like Armadillo thick…because you’re gonna need it.

Case in point: I never considered becoming a “top writer” on Medium. I mean, I knew when other writers here were honored in that way, but I never obsessed over it. I’ve been too busy attempting to pump out content daily, while giving other writers the respect they deserve. You know. Like that.

And then one day, quite by accident, I was checking out my profile page and discovered that I was deemed to be a top writer in Humor and Satire.

Huzzah! I’d “made it!”

Naturally, I was flattered. I am human after all with a writer’s fragile ego. So yeah, flattered, but also bemused.

“How did this unexpected blessing from the Medium Gods come about?” I wondered.

I really didn’t know, and still don’t, what ratio of our stats figures into this determination. Is it reads? Claps? Fans? Some kind of magic?

Regardless, as top writer status goes, Medium is like a capricious lover. For a couple of weeks you’re hot and heavy, loving the fuck out of each other, and then, you get an over-the-shoulder “See ya” and it’s hit the bottle time.

The editors, by turn, seduce us and then leave us wondering what we did wrong. The answer is, as I expected, “Nothing.” We’ve done nothing wrong.

I let a few days go by before I re-checked my stats, and guess what, folks? Satire was no longer in the mix. Inexplicably, it had moved on.

Maybe my streak of authenticity contributed to the loss of that tag. That’s what happens when you “get real.”

So what can we surmise from this? That we need to keep puking out the same crap day-after-day?

I wanted to write about this because I’m certain many of us are experiencing the same fickle maneuverings.

This is the exact reason I’ve railed against writers who brag, in several of my stories: Just when you start believing you’re the shit, you could have the shit knocked out of you in the blink of an eye. Or, your cursor.

A few weeks ago, I wrote three or four stories that revolved around music, specifically, the songs and the artists that have impacted my life, as well as my creativity. Admittedly, they’re pretty damn good. I put a lot of my soul into writing them.

And then, BOOM! I checked and saw that I was a top writer in Humor and Music!

Damn! I must be hot.

NOT!

That particular tag lasted about as long as a fart in the wind.

That said, hopefully you can see why it doesn’t pay to get too jazzed about such “wins” as top writer. Because there will come a time when that dubious honor is yanked from our sweaty grasps and we’ll be left wondering why.

Don’t wonder. We have more than enough to feel like shit about, thank you very much.

Like the Orange Turd’s “rally” yesterday. Just when you thought he couldn’t sink any lower. The “gut-busting” cracks about “testing less” and numerous jabs at “Sleepy Joe Biden.” What a fucking disgrace.

What? Did he think he was doing a bit at The Comedy Store? If ever I wanted a bomb to drop, after getting the kids out first, of course, that was the moment. The kids don’t know any better. Neither do his redneck followers.

But I digress. Yes, I will admit that, for about ten seconds, it’s cool to be recognized as a top writer on Medium. But then reality sets in and you realize you’re just a schlub, ever-hopeful, like everyone else.

I liken it to a maraschino cherry on the top of your ice cream sundae, that you eagerly spoon up, and just as you’re about to shovel it into your maw, it falls on the floor with a wet “plop.”

Hey, what do you think? Is Medium, with its kooky ups and downs a metaphor for life?

Come on, fellow writers. “Top,” or not…you tell me.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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