P.S. Fu*k You

I’m giving up on the big pubs.

The other day, I took a leap of faith and submitted a story to The Startup. Now, this is a publication that approached me a few months back regarding a story I’d written about…I don’t know. I forgot.

Anyway, they added me as a writer and published my story. So I figured, “Why the hell not go for a twofer?” and submitted the following piece:

I believed and still do, that the story offers up some valuable advice, for new writers, especially.

After three days, well past the thirty-six hours The Startup says is their typical response time, I gave up and submitted it to ILLUMINATION. I don’t know why I just didn’t do that from the get-go. Trying to diversify, I suppose.

Side note: “ILLUMINATION, you are not ‘second-best’ by any stretch of the imagination. I just thought I’d spread the love a bit. Now I know.”

By nature, I am not one who likes to wait. I understand that the editors of these Medium publications (and I have two of my own, so I understand), are inundated with submissions. But that said, isn’t that their job? To review our work in a timely fashion?

And, why the same writers all the time? Isn’t that a bit old-hat, even a bit “dinosaurish” in their thinking?

To be fair, I may not be inundated like the giant pubs, but Rogues’ Gallery, especially, is growing by the day and my submissions are increasing accordingly. I think my writers will support me when I say that I don’t make them wait. I either accept or reject their stories within a day’s time. Two days at most, if I’m in a shitty mood or distracted with my own projects.

Are they asleep at the wheel or just understaffed? If the latter is the issue, then dammit — STAFF UP. Preferably with editors who have the acumen to separate the gems from the dreck.

And there’s a lot of dreck flying around. Alarmingly, I see more shit stinking up this platform by the day. And, inexplicably, as many times as they’ve been skewered, and not just by yours truly, the same writers are STILL pumping out the same “How to Write on Medium” crapola.

“You start writing! That’s how!”

What…do they need their hands guided on their keyboards?

Just write a story, for fuck’s sake. This isn’t an online school. The rest of us aren’t here to teach, for free mind you, other people how to write. If they don’t know, they shouldn’t be here. Let them start their own shitty blogs somewhere else.

I, myself, am guilty of the very thing I just railed against: On several occasions, I’ve found that I have to expend a good deal of time and energy editing submissions to Rogues’ Gallery.

Nevermore, as “The Raven” croaked.

I don’t mind fixing a typo here and there or correcting a subtitle, but full-on editing? PAY ME. Show me the damn money. No lie: I will be more than happy to edit or even rewrite, for a moderate fee. A woman’s got to make a living, after all.

P.S. I Love You is another big pub I’ve given up on. The last time I checked, they weren’t accepting “new” writers, so the hell with them. That may have changed but again, I don’t particularly feel the need for their acceptance.

That goes for The Mighty, Better Humans, Human Parts, Human Farts, and all the others.

“Slackjaw, I may give you a shot, you lucky bastards.”

Again, I understand that reviewing the work of thousands of writers is a daunting task, but it doesn’t take a Mensa member to determine that, this is an obligation, a commitment to those of us who in turn, have committed our time to write here, that needs to be upheld.

I’m not going to lie: Sure, it would be great to be featured in these pubs, get curated up the ass, and make the Big Bucks. But I don’t think that’s going to happen, so I’ve come to a point where I have to be content with my lot.

My take is, if the bigger Medium pubs want me, they know where to find me. Plenty of writers are plucked from relative obscurity by the Monoliths.

This very pub, Rogues’ Gallery, is gaining new followers and writers by the day — writers of whom I’m very proud of, by the way — and to me, that feels like “making it” on Medium. I’ve always been a “late bloomer,” so I’ll take it.

But here’s what I won’t take: Crap. So, if you want to write for Rogues’ Gallery or The Militant, make very sure you got the goods. That’s all I ask. What does that entail? Great content with a clear point of view. And fire. Yep. Lots and lots of heat.

The occasional typo? No worries. We all do it. But, if your copy is rife with them, or your grammar sucks…keep walking. Because, even though my pubs might not be considered “big” by Medium standards, they are to me, and I hope the writers who grace them with their excellent work, feel the same.

Bottom line, it’s not that I’m feeling particularly disgruntled. I’m not. I just don’t feel the need to pour my heart into a story and let it slowly die on the vine while I wait for it to be blessed by people I know nothing about.

I deserve better. We all do. So, if you’re sick of the wait, bring it here, guys because my trigger finger is nothing if not itchy.

If you’re good, that is.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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