Guess What? I’m the Bomb!

I’m so damn good, even I can’t believe it!

In spite of the fact that the world’s going to shit, I woke up this morning full of vim, vigor, and enthusiasm. Do you want to know why?

Of course, you do! This is ME, after all!

Because I effin’ rock, that’s why. I’m the best there is and I can write rings around anyone here.

Normally, I don’t sing my own praises but, after reading a few self-aggrandizing stories and post from writers who really suck, and somehow managed to get curated in multiple topics, I figured, what the hell, why not go for it?

One of these stories in particular was about video games. Now, I don’t want to come off as a crusty old babe, even though I am but I ask you: Who gives a flying F? In fact, if it weren’t for my friend and writing brother P.G. Barnett’s alerting me to this stinker, I wouldn’t have seen it.

I mean, I realize I’ve been writing longer than some of these pissantes have been alive, but come on! Most of us don’t give a damn that your life’s epiphany came from playing a video game! Tweens and Millennials, maybe, but who else?

Perhaps I’m being unfair as I’ve never played one nor had even a smidgen of interest…nah…scrap that. I’m never unfair. I’m ME, dammit.

Do you know what my epiphany was? Having survived breast cancer. Beat that! Hey, I know it’s not as titillating as hunkering down with Cyberpunk, but what can I tell you?

And the typos and bad grammar! Are these part of the Medium guidelines? I must have missed something.

And then there was the Facebook post from a writer who proclaimed that his story got 4.5k claps and he was all “Geez, how did this happen?”

And I’m all, “Damn right, how did it happen?” But he couldn’t wait to let the rest of us schmucks know that it happened.

“Thanks, dude! You made my day. Now run along, okay?”

I’ve already forgotten what his story was about. Something about “How to let go of your Eggo,” or some turd of a topic like that.

So, given all the swollen heads on this platform, I’ve decided to toot my own horn big time. I’m hoping that the rest of you will follow my lead because you deserve it. Maybe not as much as me because I am the bomb after all, but I possess a certain amount of generosity. I can share the limelight. Up to a point.

Let’s start with curation: Rarely happens, except when I publish in ILLUMINATION. They actually appreciate good writing there.

Oh, I’ve had a couple of nods from the Medium curators over the last few months but not nearly enough. Not even close to what I deserve.

I’m getting a shit-ton of fans up the wazoo every day and I appreciate them more than I can say. They’ve got great taste!

And my stories, well…they get lots of views and even more claps. Over 2.5k for a couple of them!

I’m getting worked up just writing this, that’s how good I am. Can you feel the genius rising off the page in waves, like mist on a summer’s morning?

Breathe deep. Take it in. I’m that good, people. You may find that, after reading me, your own work is kicked up a notch or two.

You’re welcome.

I don’t want you to think that excellence is easy. It’s not. It takes work and dedication. And a high tolerance for booze.

But that’s why I’m the total package. I’ve got it all goin’ on!

In fact, I’m certain that as soon as I hit “publish” on this gem, all hell is going to break loose. This whole platform may blow up!

Bring it on!

Gotta bounce. CNN is waiting on the line. They’re going to take a break from the pandemic, the riots, and our POS of a POTUS to interview yours truly.

THAT’S how good I am. Suck it up, friends.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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