Summary

The article humorously compares three fictitious diseases—Logorrhea, Gunnerrhea, and OscarRhea—each associated with excessive talking, a play on gonorrhea, and a mix of mucorrea and delusions of grandeur, respectively.

Abstract

In a satirical take on the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, the article presents a grim choice among three outlandish diseases. Logorrhea, characterized by incessant chatter, is likened to verbal diarrhea and is said to strain relationships and induce anxiety. Gunnerrhea, a pun on gonorrhea, is depicted as a more severe ailment with symptoms including abdominal pain and a discharge referred to as "special sauce." OscarRhea, a blend of mucorrea and a skewed self-perception, leads to a loss of intelligence and bodily functions. The author, Jennifer J. McDougall, uses humor and vivid descriptions to emphasize the undesirability of these fictional conditions, suggesting that the suffering they cause would only end with Satan's intervention.

Opinions

The author, Jennifer J. McDougall, uses the term "Logorrhea" to describe a condition of extreme talkativeness, possibly inspired by Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier), and implies that it can be as socially disruptive as an actual disease.
Gunnerrhea is portrayed as worse than the STI gonorrhea, with a quote attributed to Jim Carrey emphasizing its severity. The author does not shy away from using crude humor to describe its symptoms.
OscarRhea is humorously presented as a disease that not only affects the body with mucus-laden feces but also deludes the sufferer into thinking they are more attractive than they are, with a specific comparison to actor Chris Evans.
The article suggests that while the symptoms of these diseases are unpleasant, the true horror lies in the eternal suffering they would cause, with the only reprieve being an act of mercy from Satan.
The author mockingly suggests that readers should follow the individuals associated with these fictional diseases—Michael Burg, Gunner Barrett, and Oscar Rhea—implying that their content is as engaging and perhaps as absurd as the diseases described.

TRIPLE TAUNT NONSENSE

Logorrhea, Gunnerrhea, Oscar Rhea

Which of these 3 disastrous diseases is the worst?

I know it looks fun. It isn’t. Eternity in Hell with any of these diseases sucks. Choose wisely. Photo by Arisa Chattasa on Unsplash

Remember Choose Your Own Adventure books?

This article is sort of like one of those. Minus the fun. And the story. In this case it’s Choose Your Own Disease. Whichever you pick will be your eternal strife to suffer — until Satan takes pity and slips you the elevator key.

And, believe me, he will. Because all of them are nasty.

If you had to pick one to suffer with for eternity, which would it be?

Logorrhea

I first heard this term from Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier). He let the term slip during a Doctor Funny editorial meeting.

“Look that up!” Braggadocio announced, tossing vocabulary about like it was a sack of semen during No Nut November.

So I did.

Logorrhea is “a tendency to extreme loquacity”. Basically: verbal diarrhea.

Doesn’t sound so bad, right? Spend a few hours with a any of the Bring It On stars or Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier) and you may reconsider.

Side effects: Dry mouth, high levels of anxiety, complete meltdown of all friendships and relationships, sudden yearning to prance about in only a Speedo.

Remedy: None. But you can alleviate symptoms by narrating mockumentaries, shooting blanks or shooting your own foot.

Or just shutting the firetruck up.

He looks better than the disease does. Screenshot of Gunner’s brilliant tomfoolery.

Gunnerrhea

Yes, it’s a lot like gonorrhea. The STI that has you peeing globs of green and itching your ass until it’s as chafed as your mom’s thighs.*

*Give me a break. I breathe in the same air as two teenagers. Your mom jokes never go out of style.

Gonorrhea is bad. But Gunnerrhea is worse. Way worse.

“You think the Gonorrhea I gave my ex was bad? It’s got nothing on Gunnerrhea. That’s one nasty ass disease!” Jim Carrey

Side effects: Abdominal pain, sweaty balls, your penis grows wings, and loads of that gooey green pus I mentioned earlier. Gunner often refers to it as “special sauce”. It’s not special. It’s not sauce. Although, spoiler alert, it may be what McDonald’s slops on their Big Mac®.

Remedy: None. But you can alleviate symptoms by moving to Texas, drinking your own urine, or telling Gunner about the incredibly stupid dreams you had last night.

Sexy symptoms. Screenshot of Gunner’s brilliant editing skills.

OscarRhea

First off, his mountaineer-next-door looks make you drool all over your fly swatter. Don’t let them persuade you that this disease is a fun and sexy one!

It makes you dumb. Like stupid enough that you won’t be able to tell the difference between a housefly’s mouth and a vagina.

Oscarrhea involves snot, shit, and loss.

OscarRhea is similar to mucorrea, a disease in which large amounts of mucus are mysteriously misplaced amongst your feces. The biggest difference the two inflictions is that OscarRhea makes you believe you are slightly sexier than Chris Evans.

Side Effects: Compulsive nose picking, fecal incontinence, fever, scabby pustules covering whichever is your sexiest nipple, tachycardia

Remedy: None. But you can alleviate symptoms by climbing mountains, measuring the size of your ear canals, or outright admitting that you wet the bed.

You DON’T wanna look like this. Screenshot of Oscar Rhea’s brilliant selfie.

Which one is the worst?

Maybe logorrhea’s dry mouth doesn’t sound so bad to you. Perhaps Gunnerrhea’s special sauce is tempting. Mayhaps undies spilling over with OscarRhea’s liquidy poop is a tantalizing option.

Go ahead and Choose Your Own Disease. Just remember it’s forever. Until Satan takes pity.

In all seriousness: I’m not sure why more people aren’t following Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier), Gunner Barrett, and Oscar Rhea. Be like Nike and Just Do It. You won’t regret it.

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