avatarOscar Rhea

Summary

The author humorously claims to have declined People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" title multiple times, allowing Chris Evans to win, while also commenting on the potential chaos that would ensue if the author's own face graced the cover.

Abstract

In a playful and self-deprecating article, the author reveals that they have once again turned down the title of "Sexiest Man Alive" by People Magazine, suggesting that Chris Evans is a deserving recipient of the award. The author reflects on the importance of sharing the spotlight, citing past decisions to decline the award to boost the egos of other "pretty boys" like Ryan Reynolds. The piece is laced with humor, as the author muses on the societal impact of their own perceived attractiveness, joking about the potential for traffic accidents and supermarket brawls over magazine covers featuring their image. The author concludes by congratulating Chris Evans and his mother, while also expressing anticipation for next year's "Sexiest Runner Up."

Opinions

  • The author believes that Chris Evans is a suitable choice for the "Sexiest Man Alive" title, especially considering his mother's pride.
  • There is a tongue-in-cheek suggestion that the author's continuous win of the title wouldn't be fair to other contenders.
  • The author implies that their own sex appeal could cause public disturbances, such as car accidents due to distracted driving and physical altercations in supermarkets.
  • The piece lightly mocks the idea of celebrity influence and the significance of awards like "Sexiest Man Alive."
  • There is a sense of pride in the author's ability to elevate the status of other actors, like Ryan Reynolds, by declining the award in their favor.
  • The author takes a humorous jab at the potential buyers of a mediocre hockey franchise, indirectly referencing Ryan Reynolds' business ventures.
  • The author expresses a playful ownership of their attractiveness while maintaining a modest facade by repeatedly "declining" the title.

Sexy Men

Chris Evans: Sexiest Runner Up

What an adorable dope

The Universe has settled. (Photo from Michael Schwartz)

Once again this year, I have turned down an offer from People Magazine to be the Sexiest Man Alive in order to allow Chris Evans to win the award.

I’ve heard his mother is very proud, and she should be. Lisa Evans, you’ve raised up a perfectly adequate Second Sexiest Man Alive.

It just wouldn’t be fair, having one man be the World’s Sexiest Man for 18 consecutive years. I mean, what chance did Paul Rudd, Idris Elba, and Channing Tatum really have with me running wild out there?

“Turning down an award is the most glamorous way to accept it.”

- Somebody said this. I know I didn’t make it up. But I really can’t remember who it was.

Besides, People Magazine has to be careful who they put on the cover. Chris Evans? Perfectly uncontroversial. But just imagine this beautiful mug on billboards and magazine racks.

The cleanest nose you’ve ever seen. (Photo: Author)

Car accidents from distracted driving would be through the roof (as would the victims of said car accidents! ) Turmoil would reign through checkout lanes at Save Marts throughout America as lowly women everywhere would be grabbing one another by their weaves and wigs and delivering a series of mildly effective crotch punches as they attempt to get their hands on the last copy of my face on that magazine rack.

Let’s face it: there’s a whole lot of pretty boys out there who need an ego boost. Before I bowed out and suggested Ryan Reynolds win the award in my place back in 2010, the man was nothing but a sad Canadian beefcake, dating solid 6’s like Scarlett Johannsen, and working on small independent films like X-Men and Green Lantern.

Now look at him: for the last twelve years he can’t wipe that big silly smile off his face. You’re welcome Ryan! Good luck buying that mediocre hockey franchise!

I mean, come on. There’s no contest. (Photo: author’s girlfriend)

So this year: you’re welcome Chris Evans. You’re welcome Chris’s Mom. And, of course, you’re welcome America. Can’t wait to see who will be next year’s Sexiest Runner Up!

Enjoyed yourself? Read this Stupid:

Also this from TeeJay Small was brilliant:

Sexy
Sexiest Man Alive
Sexuality
Funny
Satire
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