Leaving Hatred
Hatred is a Vessel. Humans are the Carriers.
Jenny dropped her best friend Anna off at the St. Mary’s Catholic Hospital to see her Mom. The sadness in her eyes pulled at her heartstrings and she said, “Call me when you are ready to leave, and I will come back for you.”
Anna tried to cover her pain with a smile, while fighting the tears, biting on her lower lips, she reached out and hugged Jenny and said, “Ok.”
Instincts warned Jenny not to go too far, so she drove away, but circled back, then parked where she could see anyone entering and leaving the hospital. Knowing the history Anna had with her mother and the rest of her siblings, was hurting her best friend badly. Her mother warned her not to get into the middle but allow Anna to make her own decision. Some difficult decisions must be made by the ones feeling the pain.
A few minutes later, Anna came out staggering, as if she was drunk. Jenny rushes over, grabbing her before her body hit the ground, gently helping her to walk to her car. She was sobbing softly. Jenny felt her pain, but instincts alerted it wasn’t the pain of death. ‘Some decisions must be made by the ones feeling the pain,’ her mother’s warning replayed in her head.
Opening the passenger side and gently pushing her in and fastening her seat belt, Jenny knelt on the concrete, took Anna’s hands, waited as the tears escape. Grabbing a few Kleenex from a box on the dashboard, wiping away her tears.
Anna took the Kleenex from her, then said, “I just found out why my two marriages failed and why I lost my only child to my ex-husband. I pushed them away. Like I pushed all of the people who love me away.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t push me away,” Jenny disputes.
Looking at her for the first time with clear eyes, Anna said, “Yes I do. Do you remember the time when . . . . . .”?
Jenny stopped her immediately saying, “let the past stay in the past. I am still here for you. I never leave like the others.”
Anna’s body rock forward, saved by the seat belt from hitting the dashboard. Jenny saw something in her eyes that she couldn’t understand as more tears escape. Anna reached for the box of Kleenex on the dashboard, took out a few, wiped her eyes then said, “I learn to push people away from my mother. I am the only one of her six children that are always by her side. Yet she treats me like crap. All the kindness and love I gave her has no value. And all the love and kindness my two ex-husbands gave me, I didn’t value it either. She helped me to destroy my two marriages. She showed me how to destroy my life. She is dying Jenny, and as I stepped in, she asked for Angela and Christine. I told her that Dr. Andrews has already called all five of them a month ago and none of them came. I told her that I am here, and I will never leave her as they did.”
Her body rocked forward again, saved again by the seat belt, and weeping uncontrollably she said, “You know what she said Jenny, she said . . . . . ..” The pain stopped her. “She said . . . .”
“She said, ‘oh yes, like your father, you are a parasite, you never let go.’ My heart shut down, 35 years of pain replaces the blood in my veins. I am a good daughter. All of the love and kindness I gave meant nothing to her.”
Jenny hugged her as she cried. Minutes later she regains composure and continues, “I am leaving Jenny. Right now!”
Jenny stared into her eyes and the pain was still raging, then asks, “How much longer does she have?”
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t be leaving a mother. I will be leaving hatred and cruelty behind. I need to find love. I need to find love for myself. You are the only one I know that truly loves me. Can you come with me?”
Tears roll down Jenny’s eyes and she said, “Yes. Yes! Hugging her as they cried.
Hatred and cruelty are vessels, so is love. Humans are the carriers of these vessels.
Have you ever met anyone that love and kindness mean nothing to them or has no value? I have, and I can’t imagine their pain.
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