It’s time to grow up (and stop acting like a child)

If you’re tired of being stuck in a place you don’t belong, try growing up for a change.

by: E.B. Johnson

Have you found your life stalled? Or otherwise stunted by unnecessary drama, or poor and lackluster decision making? When we keep running into dead ends, or missing out on important opportunities, it’s often because we’ve failed to fully step up to the plate and take charge of our lives. Remaining stuck in the same childish patterns guarantees us the same childish results. If we want to build better lives and better futures, we have to grow up and take action in the name of our own needs.

Stop relying on emotional overreactions, or the validations of others, to give yourself the happiness you’ve deserved all along. The only way to find true joy and contentment in this life is to build it for yourself, but that requires us to first look inward and admit when and where we’re made the wrong decisions (or taken the wrong actions) for ourselves. We cannot control the actions or responses of others, but we can control our own. This is embraced and mastered when find the courage to grow up and stand up for ourselves.

Maturity doesn’t always come with age.

We tend to think that maturity is something that comes with age, but nothing could be further from the truth. Maturity in life and our relationships isn’t something that is gifted by age. It’s a conscious decision we make every day. It comes from analyzing the results of the choices you make and committing to making corrections when you take a wrong turn. That’s not something that gets easier with the number of birthdays you experience. It’s something which has to be practiced consciously.

If you think maturity is going to strike you like some big epiphany — think again. You don’t become enlightened overnight. You don’t gain some new knowledge from the simple of act of becoming pregnant, or committing to someone you barely know. Knowledge is gained from doing, but also from observing and learning from every source the universe provides us.

When we are truly mature, we don’t look to others to take the blame or clean up the mess of our lives. We step up to the. plate for ourselves, and accept the actions, behaviors and decisions that lead us either into victory or defeat. Being an adult isn’t easy, but it is freeing. Accepting your maturity means accepting the role you play in your own life, as well as the shortcomings that are holding you back. Want to stop suffering? Let go of the childish patterns and habits that are preventing you from reaching your full potential.

How immaturity undermines your overall happiness.

Immaturity isn’t something we should revel in, and it isn’t something which we should treat casually either. It’s a real threat to our overall wellbeing in this life, and it’s a threat to the quality of future we are attempting to piece together. Want to be stronger? Understand how your immaturity might be holding you back.

Delaying growth

When you are immature, you generally can’t take responsibility for yourself and the messes that you make in your life. It’s very childlike. Rather than understanding the role you played in your unhappiness, you look to others. to pick up the pieces or give you a reason for existing. This makes it impossible to grow as a person, because you’re constantly waiting on someone to provide the action of change that only you can provide to yourself. You get left behind while others move on in life and in love.

Ruining relationships

Immaturity is toxic when it comes to forming relationships and keeps us from bonding on truly deep and lasting levels. When you behave immaturely in a partnership, you teach the other person that they cannot rely on you. This destroys trust, and it can also create power imbalances and emotional responses that are ineffective and unnecessary. By finding the ability to stand maturely in our own power and security, we can build better relationships with those who matter most.

Obstructing opportunity

Because immaturity delays our growth as human beings, it also obstructs opportunity and makes it impossible for us to shine and thrive. Open doors happen when we put ourselves in the right place to receive them. Staying stuck in the same old quagmire of emotions and negative thoughts will leave you in one place, and one place only: the past. There’s nothing back there but someone who knew less, with more emotional baggage. Let them go so that you can move on to a better tomorrow.

Fruitless fulfillment

When you’re immature, you can’t realize the full depth and breadth of your needs and your abilities. Likewise, you can’t fully visualize your future or everything it could be for you (and the people that you love). For that reason, you might find yourself stuck in a rut, or chasing dreams and objectives that are completely misaligned with who your values and everything that you are. This fruitless fulfillment leads to frustration and resentment, which ultimately erode your happiness and faith in yourself.

What maturity looks like.

Maturity isn’t indicated by a number. It’s indicated by a state of mind and a pattern of follow-through that proves we are thinking beyond our reactions. By committing to talking things through and balancing our internal and our external — we cultivate a greater emotional awareness that empowers us to change.

Willing to talk it out

Consider your communication skills? Do you rely on them in moments of upset? Or do you just lash out at anyone who has “done you wrong” or otherwise disappointed you? The most common sign of maturity is letting go of these emotional reactions in order to adopt a policy of talking things out. Once we’ve finally come into our adulthood, we find that talking with the people who upset us if often far more effective than yelling at them or seeking a dramatic form of revenge.

Balanced relationships

Balanced relationships come naturally with true maturity, as they are all about communication, stability and equity. Building these relationships — whether romantic or platonic — requires us to compromise, and to also set boundaries which we stick to. These things require confidence, but they also require taking the time to know where those boundary lines lie and why. The more clear we each are on what we want, the easier it is to build lives together.

Stepping up to the plate

Taking responsibility is a big part of growing up. While it’s easy enough to accept the blame when it comes to something good, it’s not always easy to admit that we’ve made a mistake or made the wrong choice. It’s the only way we can find freedom, though. And it’s the only way we can truly start to identify our shortcomings in order to overcome them. Stepping up to the plate is saying, “I know what I want from my future, and I’m going to take responsibility for getting there.”

Self-defining the future

True maturity allows us to better define those things which matter most to us. We can decide what actions will lead to the greatest personal prosperity, as well as the most personal fulfillment. We know what is best for our lives, but it takes some courage to stand up and see that. Once we know who we are, we start taking action to self-define our futures. This generally results in going after what we want from our lives and careers, rather than the whims of others.

Confidence comes standard

Adults — those who have truly embraced the growing-up process — don’t worry too much about the concerns of others. It’s not they don’t care (they always listen to input) they just know that the only validation that matters comes from their own self-confidence. Confidence is the key to any success we hope to achieve in life. When we have low self-confidence we feel defeated, isolated and depressed. We also find ourselves making poor decisions and slipping into negative behaviors.

Emotional awareness

Emotional intelligence (emotional quotient, or EQ) is the ability to identify, manage or otherwise valuate your emotions in such as a way to make them beneficial. When you have a high emotional intelligence, you are able to use your thoughts to reshape and alleviate experiences like stress and anxiety; but you are also able to communicate more effectively and better achieve your life goals.

The most telling signs of immaturity.

If you’re struggling or otherwise feel like you’re stuck in a rut, look for these signs of immaturity in your life. The sooner you identify them, the sooner you can begin to take action to correct them and build a more stable, successful life.

Everyday blame games

Playing blame games means you can’t take responsibility for anything that you do. Everything is always someone else’s fault, and every mistake you make was always caused by someone else’s efforts. You never move forward because you blame anyone but yourself for the troubles you experience, and so you are never able to address them. The only person we can change is ourselves, so we have to identify and admit to our changeable shortcomings if we want to build better tomorrows; not expect the world to change for us.

Zero emotional control

There are fewer skills more indicative of maturity than emotional awareness. When we allow ourselves to grow up, we become more aware of our emotions and the way in which they impact our behaviors, our relationships and even our thoughts. Lacking this emotional awareness can lead to dramatic outbursts, and behavioral patterns that make it impossible to keep stable, equitable relationships, career opportunities, etc. Our emotional awareness even allows us to manage stress and thoughts of hopelessness and despair.

Failing to think ahead

When it comes to life, we have to make plans and regularly take steps in order to assure we have to fall back plans and second options. What we want doesn’t always go according to plan, and in those moments we have to recalibrate, readjust and make the most of what we have. When we fail to make plans for the future, it’s impossible to make these pivots effectively — therefore causing us to get lost in the madness and drama.

Using people for gain

Do you use people for gain? Do you see them as expendable or only worthwhile if they have something to offer? This is a childish trait, and one that is lost when we embrace our adulthood and see the value in both ourselves and others. There is nothing that other people provide to us that we cannot provide to ourselves. The adult embraces this and stops looking for others to do their emotional life work for them.

Inability to tell the truth

Adults tell the truth, because they don’t care what other people think and they know they have the skills and resources to deal with whatever consequences result from that truth. Children run and hide from uncomfortable truths, because they don’t want to get in trouble and they fear what happens next. Part of becoming mature in our lives is learning how to tell the truth — especially to ourselves. This means admitting the hard things, and accepting reality even when it doesn’t fit our desired narrative.

Compulsive need for attention

Enjoying a little attention is a natural part of being human, but when it becomes a core part of our identity, it can become something far more toxic. This obsessive need for outward validation consumes us in powerful ways, and can get in the way of our relationships and the ways in which we see ourselves and others. The more time you spend seeking the attention of anyone and everyone who will give it to you, the more energy and time you waste.

Little respect for others

It’s all about you, all the time. You care little for the struggles of anyone else, and you care little to see things from their point of view. When you talk, you talk to listen to yourself. When you allow others to speak, it’s only to make yourself feel better. There’s little time or consideration when it comes to respecting others and the immature person. Like a child, they only think about themselves and what they want. No one else figures into their thoughts, and no one else figures into their compassion or empathy.

Better ways to embrace the growing-up process.

Don’t stay stuck in the immaturity trap forever. Find the power to move forward and embrace the life that was always meant for you by finding the courage to grow up. If you want to be happy, you can’t cling to your childish ways forever. Start growing up today and do it with commitment and patience.

1. Begin with acceptance

The first step on any major journey is figuring out where you’re at. When it comes to growing up, this means accepting who we are in this moment and dropping the comparisons against who we wish we were. There’s plenty of time for that later. Right now, you need to focus on identifying those parts of your life (and personality) that most shifted.

Find a daily practice which allows you to detach from the world and focus on your thoughts for 10–15 minutes a day. In that time, practice looking at things from a removed, third-party perspective. If you were a complete stranger looking inward on your life, what would you see?

Take a brutal look at who you are. Look at your strengths — big and small — and then do the same with your weaknesses. Accept the full scope of the person that you are right now in this moment. Accept the good and the bad. The sooner you take this brutally honest look, the sooner you can identify the things in your life you want to change (and then take action).

2. Figure out the destination

Accepting who you are is a great first step, but it means little if you don’t know who you want to become. We often stay stuck in our childish behavior because we’re uncertain of who we will become when we’re an “adult”. Banish this fear by focusing next on your future, and the ideal person you want to become in a life that provides fulfillment and contentment.

Once you’ve spent some time getting comfortable with who you are, spend some time considering who you want to become and where you want your future to lead. Journalling is a great way to paint a picture of this ideal future for you. Think outside of the box and don’t allow your imagination to hinder you. Let you imagination go as big as it needs to.

After gaining a solid vision of the future, you can compare it to where you’re at now, and decide what practical steps to take next. Think of it like establishing your starting point and your ending point. All the work is in the middle, but it’s pointless and wasteful without its end points. Before you start taking drastic action to reshape who you are and grow up — spend some time figuring out precisely where you’re going.

3. Cultivate better social circles

Perhaps the most painful part of growing up is learning to look at your social circles for what they truly are. The people who fill our lives as friends, family and romantic partners mean a lot — but they can also seriously undermine the quality of our futures. Clinging to people who bring us down, or following people who demand less of us than we are capable of us, leads to serious disappointment and a complete denial of everything you are and everything you could be.

You have to cultivate better social circles. You have to let go of toxic people that encourage you to stay lost, broken, unhealthy or otherwise stuck in patterns that are painful and destructive. This isn’t just limited to your drinking buddies. It includes family and the friends you’ve known since childhood (who might be like family to you).

No matter how much we might love the people who we call our own, it does not mean they are healthy for us. True love — whether romantic or plutonic — requires that we want the best for ourselves, and for the other person. If your friends encourage you to fail, or if your family continually tells you that you are worthless, you’ll come to believe those things. Part of being an adult means learning to look past their definitions of us while setting limits and boundaries that they aren’t allowed to cross.

4. Commit to drastic action

There can be little growing up in this life without taking dramatic action for yourself and the things that you want from life. While incremental change is how we must begin the process, eventually we must make hard left turns in order to change. Making the conscious decision to do things differently, this can mean choosing different careers and even different places to live. Anything in order for us to stand independently on our own and without the input or validation of others.

Once you know who you are and where you want to go it’s time to take action in the name of a better life. Take the leap and jump into the arms of maturity by doing what needs to be done. That might mean finding a new job, moving to a new city, or even looking into starting over in another country.

Think through what you really need in order to be content and fulfilled. Imagine you were going to spend the rest of your life on your own, with all the money you needed to thrive. Where would you be living? What friends would surround you? What activities, experiences, and pastimes would your life be filled with? Figure out your adult “dream life” then put yourself in through consistent, thoughtful action. Flowers don’t bloom by accident. They bloom because we give them the right environment to thrive in.

5. Leave the past behind

Beyond anything else that you do in the growing up game, you have to learn how to let go of the past. Shed those experiences which no longer align to who you want to be. Stop attaching yourself to the people who hurt you, and the people who have moved on without you. When you cling to the past, you cling to a childhood and the childish things you attracted then. Grow up to discover a better life. Look forward to let go of the hold the past has over you.

Let go of the old you; let go of the experiences, and the memories, and all the old things that are vestiges of a person who doesn’t exist anymore. We don’t go on living in the ways of our ancestors 1000 years ago. Why are you still living the way you did as a child, with little knowledge, and even less experience?

Leave the past behind. Take what lessons you need from it, but don’t allow yourself to be tied to those pieces which no longer align with who you want to be, or where you’re going. Experiences are just that — experiences. They don’t define us, and they don’t decide who we get to be. They are simply encounters with life, which educate us on how we want to react in the future. Living in the past as though it still exists today will forever leave you chained to a shadow that never really was.

Putting it all together…

If we want to build better tomorrows, we have to grow up. This means embracing our immaturity and standing up for those mistakes we’ve made in our lives. When we shed our pasts, we empower ourselves to move more confidently toward our authentic selves. It’s a process that can ask for sacrifice, though, and one that doesn’t come without some brutal honesty.

Begin with acceptance. Take a brutally honest look at who you are now and work on accepting all your strengths and all your weaknesses for precisely what they are. Next, look forward and figure out who you want to be. You don’t have to make comparisons at this point, but you do need to consider who it is you ultimately want to become in the future. Cultivate better social circles and cut ties with those people who are encouraging you to stay small and stay miserable through your childish behaviors and patterns. Then, you can take drastic action to put yourself in the right environment to bloom. We can’t force a happy life by clinging to the past, or perpetuating that pain. We have to commit to moving past it, and we have to commit to growing up consciously in thought, word and deed. This life is ours if we find the courage to step up and take responsibility for it. Start taking responsibility for your life today by finding the courage to grow up.