Inside the Mind of Someone Whose ADHD Is Getting the Best of Him
A season of struggle.
All I want to do is watch another video on how to build golf clubs.
All I want to do is splurge on a new, unwanted toy, and justify it by finding a cheap way to do it.
I don’t feel like working.
I don’t feel like writing.
I don’t feel like socializing, working out, cooking, or doing basic chores.
I just want to stimulate my brain by wasting time on the unimportant, succumbing to boredom and impulsivity when there are bigger fish to fry.
To-do lists feel more like too-difficult lists.
I’m only maintaining a somewhat healthy diet because my intermittent fasting routine is easy to follow.
With rising temperatures, I’m drawn to the outdoors, but I only want to do so with a golf club in hand.
I’m irritable for no good reason, and I’m trying to make sure it doesn’t overflow into the lives of those around me.
I’m restless when I should be at ease.
I’m sluggish when I should be engaged.
ADHD, you’re currently getting the best of me.
A vicious cycle
The past few months have brought about the perfect storm of variables:
- ‘Tis the Seasonal Affective Disorder
- A drastic change in day-to-day job duties
- General boredom
- Plateau with current meds
When combined, these variables have a way of wreaking havoc. I’m an unbalanced mix of hyperfocus, lack of focus, lack of motivation, impulsivity, restlessness, and discontent.
Simply put — my mind’s a mess.
What does it feel like?
I think the hardest thing for neurotypical minds to understand is what it feels like when someone with ADHD is struggling with their symptoms.
I’ll do my best to put you in my mind if you dare.
Let me ask you this question: when was the last time you were exceptionally overwhelmed? The type of overwhelm where you don’t know which way is up and what you should do next?
That’s what it feels like to have ADHD, except the feelings of stress that come with overwhelm aren’t always present. Don’t get me wrong, stress and anxiety are common with ADHD, but they don’t have to be present.
Instead, the ADHD mind feels as if it’s moving at 500 miles per hour, bouncing from one idea or thought to the next, without ever accomplishing anything.
It’s starving for stimulation and is attempting to find it by any means necessary.
One minute you’re deep into writing a piece. The next, you’re distracted by LinkedIn updates. Soon you’re watching a random YouTube video, only to bounce back to writing because you regained your train of thought.
It’s a hectic, chaotic, runaway train that, once moving, is difficult to reign in.
Therapy and meds help but they’re not perfect
I’ve been going to therapy for over a year, and I’ve learned an immense amount about myself and about how to manage my ADHD symptoms.
Yet there’s knowing, and then there’s managing.
There are times when you can deploy every cognitive behavioral therapy technique in the book, but your brain opts to flip it the bird and do things on its own terms.
It’s almost like an uncontrolled fire that needs to burn out on its own before it’s safe to assess the damage. You only hope that nothing too valuable was lost in the blaze.
Medication has similar drawbacks.
At first, the meds are obvious. You feel as if your eyes have been opened for the very first time. The feeling is amazing.
Until it’s gone.
Soon, you require a higher dose to achieve similar results. Plateaus are unavoidable and a problem with most mental health medications. Finding the right balance is like riding a never-ending roller coaster.
Unfortunately, at some point, you’ll reach the end of the ride. You’ll have progressed through the allowable doses of medication and have to move on to something new.
Problem is, something new doesn’t always work as well (if at all), and it can come with a host of uncomfortable side effects.
The ADHD brain giving therapy techniques and medications to the middle finger is a real issue. It results in many of the above problems and can leave you feeling helpless and lost.
What’s one to do?
I’m no expert in snapping out of an ADHD slump, but there are a few courses of action you can try in an attempt to get yourself back on track.
Move
Get on your feet and do something. Go for a walk. Pace around the house when watching TV. Anything that gets you moving can help settle your stimulant-thirsty mind.
Explore with caution
If you’re hyperfocused on a frivolous interest, find a way to explore it (within reason).
Example: I am suddenly interested in building golf clubs. Instead of dropping big money on an entire set + all the supplies, I’m going to build one test club with the help of my dad for a fraction of the cost. Boom, interest = scratched.
Have honest conversations
If you have ADHD, hopefully you’ve opened up about it with your friends and loved ones. Be super open during this time, airing your struggles to them. Trust that they’ll offer you help and grace. It feels great to be heard.
Write
Writing can reset your mind. When your pour your thoughts on paper, suddenly they’re not trapped between your ears. This will free up your cognitive bandwidth, helping you get back on track.
I have been using all four of these tactics over the past few days. They’re slowly helping, and my hope is with the improving weather, the pursuit of interests, and a medication bump, I’ll be on the up-and-up in no time.
I leave you with a request for sympathy, grace, and understanding
Look, I’m not expecting all of the “neurotypical” minds of the world to “get” their ADHD counterparts.
We don’t quite “get” ourselves.
But I am asking for your help.
Even when we’re trying our best, the symptoms of ADHD can be difficult to manage. As I attempted to convey, the symptoms of ADHD can be overwhelming and they spill over into the lives of those around us.
When this happens, understand that we need your help.
- Replace judgment with sympathy
- Replace frustration with grace
- Replace confusion with an attempt to understand
Those with ADHD feel the scowl of judgment, frustration, and confusion enough from ourselves, let alone others. Give us a hand and realize that we’re in the trenches battling. We want to get to a better place.
With your help, we can get back to that better place. We can keep our messy ADHD ways from continuing to overwhelm our lives and the lives of those around us.
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