I’m Going to Micro-Needle My Face

Who’s your guinea pig?

Good skin is important to me. As I age, I’d prefer to do it as gracefully as possible. And I think I’m still looking pretty good, due in part to my genealogy and also because I work at it.

But I could do better. Because I keep my weight down, and strength train, my skin sagginess is at a minimum. But it’s there. That mirror at the gym is pretty unforgiving and there was a moment yesterday, right under the lights as I was working with hand weights, that I looked at myself and thought: Who the F is that??

You know what I mean, ladies, as do you, men. There comes a time when you barely recognize yourself. Your new self. Kind of like a “new normal,” but it feels anything but.

But that said, men, seem to be better at accepting their aging bodies while we women are typically, so very hard on ourselves. I’m not saying men don’t care about how they look as that would be bullshit. They do care. However, they don’t beat themselves up over an extra five pounds or a slightly sagging jawline.

Men, am I wrong?

Regardless, there’s nothing wrong with all of us wanting to look and feel as good as possible for as long as possible.

As I am a beauty product junkie, I have creams and lotions up the wazoo. I’ve tried K Beauty, (Korean products), Ayurvedic beauty, (Indian), good old American crap and everything else you can think of. They’re all over my home. Cabinets. Closets. Under the sinks.

But it’s an orderly hoard. Marie Kondo might be appalled but hey, she’s kind of crazy anyway. Cute, but crazy.

Reading labels is key as many products touted to fight the ravages of aging scream RETINOL COMPLEX! or VITAMIN C! Yet, if you take the time to look, you’ll see that these admittedly potent formulations are way down the line on the ingredients list. So you’re paying big bucks for glycerin, mineral oil and many other cheap ingredients. Parabens, too, if you’re not careful.

You’re also paying up the nose for ingredients that oxidize quickly, meaning their potency is greatly reduced — probably by the time they hit the drug and/or department store shelves.

I actually make my own Vitamin C serum and have conveniently linked to my story about it at the end of this piece. It’s potent as hell and dirt cheap. Do you see how much I care about you guys? I don’t want you wasting your hard-earned Medium dollars on overpriced dreck.

I’ve been reading about micro-needling for a while now. Other monikers: skin needling, collagen induction therapy (CIT), and percutaneous collagen induction (PCI).

All fancy names for what is basically a roller with titanium or stainless steel teeth at the end. Kind of like a razer on steroids.

Minimally invasive, at one time, micro-needling was done by dermatologists only. And it is allegedly not a fun procedure. Thankfully, the beauty industry got on board and now, for as little as ten bucks, we can fuck ourselves up in the comfort of our own homes!

How micro-needling works: Very fine short needles are inserted into the skin for the purposes of rejuvenation, skin tightening, reduction of acne scars, stretch marks, redness and more.

The most popular (and cost-effective) micro-needling device, known as a dermaroller, is made up of micro-fine needles that range in diameter from 0.5 and 2.5 millimeters. Before you recoil in horror, understand that, when done properly, the needles feel like very light pin-pricks. Now, if you go ham on yourself, not only will it hurt like a mother, but you can do some lasting damage.

The primary benefit of micro-needling is its stimulation of collagen production by causing trauma to the skin. The ultimate “no pain, no gain.”

You probably already know this as collagen is everywhere these days in powder, pills, gummies and more, but this new-age “fountain of youth” is an essential protein that helps keep the skin looking youthful, with a firm, smooth, and elastic texture.

Collagen is everywhere in our bodies. Think of it as the “glue” that holds us together.

No less than the American Academy of Dermatology (what a surprise) states that after micro-needling, people can expect a reduction in the “appearance of large pores, fine lines and wrinkles, scars, and stretch marks.”

I’ll be the judge of that, by God!

As I scoped out all the dermaroller versions on Amazon Prime, I noticed that most have titanium needles while a few feature stainless steel. So what’s the difference? Here’s what I found out:

Titanium is a stronger alloy than stainless steel and more durable. Yet stainless steel is easier to disinfect. It’s also sharper and blunts more quickly. Ultimately, it’s up to personal choice but both types will get the job done.

The first thing I’m going to do when I get my micro-needle dermaroller is to clean it first with dishwasher soap and then disinfect the hell out of that thing by soaking it in 70 percent isopropyl alcohol for at least ten minutes.

According to healthline, the purpose of using dish soap directly after rolling is because alcohol doesn’t dissolve the proteins found in skin and blood. Ick.

You know…I’m starting to wonder about this whole sharp needles in the face thing. But, I told you I’d be a guinea pig and that is what I’ll be.

Certainly, I’m smart enough to know when to stop. (Like, if it hurts like a mofo.) Right? Right?

Once my torture device is cleaned and ready to roll, I’ll wash my face thoroughly, instruct Alexa to play my favorite tracks to muffle my screams and then, go to town.

It is suggested that rolling in one direction and then the other is the best course of action for optimum results. Naturally, it is advised to stay away from the sensitive eye and lip areas.

Another thing micro-needling does is help the efficacy of any skincare products used afterward, which makes sense as there are now little holes all over one’s face for the goo to drip into. Kind of like butter in the “crannies” of a Thomas’ English Muffin.

I’ll probably use my homemade Vitamin C serum followed by a seriously heavy-duty moisturizer.

As far as needle size, and there are several, I’m going to start with a shorter needle. Whatever’s recommended for needling novices, either 0.25 mm or 0.5mm. The shorter the needle the more often you can roll. I’ve read that three times a week is a good starting point but of course, I’ll have to see how I do after my “maiden voyage.”

I must be effin’ nuts. (Our cats are gonna love watching this.)

Alright. Now I just need to order my micro-needler dermaroller and get cracking. Or rolling. I’m both excited and yeah, a little scared too. But, the whole collagen-stimulating thing makes sense to me.

I’ll think of it as an adventure. Like I’m an explorer charting new territory. Either that or an unbelievably stupid display of masochism.

I’ll keep you posted.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

Thanks for reading guys. If you enjoyed this, you might like the following.