If You Grew Up With A Narcissistic Parent, Read This
You should never apologize for who you are.
Children of narcissistic parents find it very difficult to question the type of parenting they’ve received. They’re programmed to see their parents as role models, as authority figures who are always, always right.
So, if you were raised in a narcissistic environment and you have the capacity of calling that environment by its name — narcissistic — you’re already ahead of the game.
By now, you’re probably aware of some deep, long-lasting marks your parents have left on your life.
Sadness. Anger. Anxiety. Grief. Resentment. Lots of feelings come up to the surface when you realize you never deserved to be chronically invalidated by those who were supposed to love you the most.
Here’s what I want you to know.
You Should Never Apologize For Who You Are
The environment you grew up in has probably taught you to be quiet, make yourself small, and apologize for every little thing.
You had to be careful about every word you said. Your words, your mannerisms, your tone of voice… Literally anything could be offensive and used as an excuse for an emotional outburst.
You had to apologize for your feelings, your emotions, your thoughts, your opinions, your mistakes, your decisions, your actions, your dreams, your fears, your flaws, your insecurities, your goals, your hopes.
Essentially, you had to apologize for being human. For being you.
As if simply existing was offensive.
This is why you carry this deep, subconscious idea that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you — because your parents were not able to love you for who you are.
Please know this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to justify yourself. You don’t need to please anyone. You don’t owe anyone anything. You should never apologize for something as simple, and as normal, as being yourself.
There’s a whole world out there waiting for you to shine your light.
There are people out there ready to love every part of your being and accept every piece of your soul.
There are people out there ready to give you the love you’ve always deserved but never received from your parents.
You Deserve To Be Unconditionally Loved
You deserve to feel loved, seen and heard. You deserve to be surrounded by people who accept you as you are and make you feel supported at all times.
You deserve the space to be yourself. You deserve to express your feelings, thoughts, and emotions — and just because your parents were never able to give that to you, doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of it.
Nobody has the right to dictate what you’re worthy of — not even your parents. Only you have that right.
So remind yourself as often as you can that you’re worthy of everything your soul craves; that your needs are valid and your desires are legitimate.
You don’t have to prove yourself, and you don’t have to “win” anybody’s love. Because real love is not winnable.
Real love is not something you receive because you “deserved” it. It’s something that flows, something that makes you feel at peace, something that’s unconditionally present.
That’s right: real love has no conditions. It doesn’t matter how many “mistakes” you make, or how “flawed” or “broken” you think you are. It doesn’t even matter if you feel unlovable — those who love will always be there, even when you feel unworthy of their love.
As I wrote in Stop Trying To Prove To Them That You’re Worthy of Love,
“Love doesn’t force you to abandon yourself. It encourages your authentic self to come up to the surface.
Love doesn’t make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Instead, it creates space for your emotions to flow freely — and it helps you find the courage to express them without fear.
Love doesn’t judge you, nor does it pressure you to meet certain expectations. It supports your growth, regardless of the mistakes you make along the way.”
As a child of a narcissistic parent, it’s difficult for you to imagine being loved and accepted with no pressure or expectations.
But unconditional love does exist.
Believe me when I say it’s not your job to prove yourself. It’s not your job to please others and leave your authentic self behind.
Life can be incredibly magical when your true self comes up to the surface — don’t waste it just because you were not given the love and acceptance you deserved.
