I Won £1,000 From A Lie

I spent all the money in just one shop

I was the director of a sports nutrition company called Serious Sports Nutrition LTD; at the time, this picture was taken back in 2015. My wife to be was working for a company called F.Hinds, which was the jewellers.

Even back then, I guess I was looking to write, a local magazine was running a writing competition, it was based on newlyweds to be, it was specific on the topic, and it made me think that maybe I could enter.

They wanted to know “how you met your spouse,” now, I know I have a great imagination, so I thought I would sketch out a few ideas. I was going to fabricate a story, just for the fun of it.

How I actually met my wife is another story and probably a more entertaining read. I will come back at a later date and link it here.

I guessed most entries would be about how people found true love. For example, they saw each other from a distance and instantly knew they had found “the one.”

I thought to myself, Nah! not me! Let us have some fun with this, so I got to work and my entirely made-up story.

Below is the story that I submitted to the competition.

I had been single for a while. Then, a friend of mine called John suggested he had a friend from work who was drop-dead gorgeous and thought she might like me and vice versa.

I was intrigued and asked him a bit about her; however, John was not giving much away. He said she is great to be around, had recently been hurt, and said she felt she would never find her match.

I agreed to meet up with this damsel in distress, and John set up a bar for us to meet up in, along with the date and time. Still, with no clue as to what she looked like, I started to get suspicious.

“John”, I asked, “Is this girl a munter? What are you not telling me?.” John laughed, “relax, my friend, would I stitch you up?.”

Now John is not usually a prankster, so I went along with it. It was set. Friday night at a local bar in Newport, I trimmed and pruned myself ready for the big event.

All I knew, is she was a great looking girl around my age and would meet me at the bar around 19:30, it was not much to go on, but hell to it, let’s see what happens.

I got myself dressed up like a movie star, with polished teeth, a great smile and full of confidence, a real winner! So come on, Rob, let’s knock this girl off her feet with my charm.

I arrived at the bar fifteen minutes early and felt a bit overwhelmed. I did not know her name, what she looked like, nor what she was wearing, and the bar was packed.

Well done Rob, what have you let yourself in for? This group of girls walked in, ordered drinks and walked away. Another two followed, but it was not her. John said she would walk in on her own.

Then a single girl walked in; she was fit, she looked at me then approached the bar, I smiled, she turned away! Ok, this was not her either. I looked at my watch; it was 19:42.

Maybe I had missed her. Perhaps she turned up, got cold feet and left. I called John; there was no answer. I did not have the heart to leave him a message.

Ok, I thought to myself, let’s finish my pint and head home, a bit gutted, but then it was a shot in the dark anyway. I am sure John would fill me in with the details when I next saw him.

I finished my drink stood up, and was putting my coat on, when someone caught my eye, this girl walked in, with brown curly hair, a big smile on her face, as if she was already having a good night.

She approached the bar and sat next to me, “hi,” she said, a bit taken aback. I said, “Hi, I’m Rob.”

“Hello, Rob, you are not leaving already, are you?” “Of course not, you must be……”, “I am Laura, are you going to buy me a drink?”

So she was fit and cocky then; this girl could be precisely what I needed in my life right now! So I bought her a drink, and we exchanged a few flirtatious words. Then, finally, she stood up and said, do you fancy joining me?

Confused, I said, “Um, yes, of course!” So we walked over to a group of people, and she introduced me to her friends, I was not expecting this, but I guess I can go with the flow.

We had a good night, and it ended with a kiss and exchange of numbers, so it turned out ok after all. I was very excited on the way home. John’s plan had worked out well; I owed him a favour.

The following morning, I headed over to John’s place. Laura had texted me to say good morning and replied in kind. John opened the door looking a bit rough, so I popped the kettle on and made us a coffee.

I must have taken John by surprise. I told him about my night with Laura and thanked him for his help. During my conversation, Laura and I were also texting and agreed to meet up again that evening.

John said nothing the whole time; his mouth was wide open between drinking his coffee; as I told him about the kiss at the end of the night, he broke his silence.

“Laura? Kiss? Rob, what are you banging on about?”

“The date you set me upon, you know your friend Laura?”

John started to go red, “Mate, I have to confess.”

I interrupted him, “no need, John, I just wanted to say thank you, you are a real mate. She is awesome.”

John stood up, put his cup down and shouted, “shut up you fool, there was no blind date. I made it all up; it was just a joke.”

SILENCE, neither of us said anything for maybe a minute.

I questioned what he had said; John explained that he had made the whole story up, it was a prank, he had meant to text me on my way out but had a few pints and had forgotten about the trick he was playing.

“Crap, then who is Laura?” I asked

“F$ck knows”, was his reply.

So it turns out that I went on a blind date with myself, met a bombshell, and now she is about to become my wife.

This is the end of the story I submitted to the magazine.

I had just won £1,000 on a fabricated story, and it was going to hit the news in my town. So the local paper and news station got a hold of it and interviewed me, and I was like a minor celebrity.

The only rule the magazine has is that I had to spend the money on the wedding, so I put it towards the suits, and it was a great help.

Should I feel guilty? Let me know your thoughts in the comments section; I will write an article on how I met my wife, which is far more interesting than this, so keep a lookout for it.

Originally published at https://www.robertralph.blog on October 24, 2021.