I Will Be His Dominator
But first, I need to overcome my insecurities.
My partner and I have a very diverse sex life. Being both kinksters, both into BDSM and sex-positive explorers, we are open to trying anything sexually related.
Because my partner, Mr P., has been living his sexuality in full for much longer than I did, there’s not much he hasn’t tried. Unlike me, that for the last six months have been saying “this is a first” over and over again.
I’m so happy and proud of myself for being in this place of comfort; for giving me the chance to let go of my mental restraints and finally have released my true sexual self.
Mr P. is a pleaser, the same way I am. Every time one of us says “I’d like to try this” or “I’m in the mood for”, that’s exactly what happens. Even if it’s not immediately, soon, one offers the other their sexual desire.
The most spectacular thing about having sex with someone you’re tuned with is that the giver gets as much pleasure as the receiver.
There were several times when Mr P. and I fulfilled each other’s desires, like when he was in the mood for playing with rope bondage or to have electrosex.
From my side, I’ve asked to be spanked, to play wax, to go to a dungeon (this request is still on hold, because of the pandemic.) He also bought us new sex toys — the ones I once told him I wanted to try —, and, for me, he tried for the first time doing dirty talk.
Our sexuality is built on the ground that one always pleases the other.
Yesterday, Mr P. and I were talking about the piece I had published, where I talk about my first real sexual fantasy.
The conversation went on, both talking about potential fantasies. It was a great moment, lots of laughs with a sweet complicity.
We agreed that the next weekend, he’s going to satisfy another fantasy I have: to be blindfolded, hands and feet tied to the bed, and with headphones on, playing my “hot sex” playlist, while he flogs me and does all the delicious things he does to me when I’m at his mercy.
Because I like us to be balanced, I told Mr P. to choose one of his fantasies so I’d make it come true. He answered me, in detail.
My first reaction was thinking: “I’m fucked; I don’t think I’ll be able to do that!”
Mr P. asked me to be his Dominator again but, this time, to build a complex scene. He wants me to use the strap-on harness, plus the collar and leash, and to give him sexual orders. He wants me to demand.
Despite we sometimes switch roles in our sexual dynamic, when we do power play, I’m more often the submissive. We are both switches, but we are also both more submissive than Doms’.
Mr P. has asked me before to be his Dominator and I went through a similar reaction I’m having now; although now it’s less intense; before I was a complete virgin in the role. Nevertheless, the “I’m fucked” message keeps appearing in my mind like a pop-up window.
When I’m in a Dom mood, I feel confident. However, only one time I truly incorporated the role and did a scene with him. The other times, I took dominance of the sexual act and in the power play, but more with actions than with a vocal Dom posture — the thing Mr P. specifically said he wishes.
Knowing that my lover likes to be in the submissive role, having me as his Dominator, and knowing that I have Dominator blood running in my veins, I must put myself on that mindset.
I’m sure I’ll love to incorporate the Mistress role, I just need to let her emerge from me, without fears or restraints.
But I’m not sure how to make myself feel confident enough to do a complete scene as Dominator.
I know that to become better at it, I have to do it, that’s the natural course of things. Still, I’m nervous about it.
When I asked Mr P. to try dirty talk with me, it was a first for him. He had told me he never done it before, fearing he would sound ridiculous; it was something that made him feel awkward.
Even so, when I asked him, he did it. And he was great! The result was me super horny. Each dirty-talking- thrust he gave me, took me closer and closer to a massive orgasm.
Every time I ask him to do something for me, my lover does it, even if he might feel a bit insecure. It’s not fair for me not to reciprocate.
After his request, I told him I need some time to get used to the idea. Mr P.’s answer was the one I was expecting: “You can have all the time you need.”
The same way, I know what his answer would be if I told him I’m not up to it: “don’t worry about that”. It happened before when we were talking about his love for the swingers lifestyle and I told him I don’t think I will want that.
But this request — me being his Dominator in a complete scene — is something I feel I can do it. And not only I feel I can as I feel in my guts I’m going to enjoy it like hell.
So I will make my lover’s fantasy come true. But how the fuck am I going to reach the point of comfort? How am I going to fully embrace my Dominator side and let my female Dom spirit emerge?
Mr P. kept saying that me wanting to do it it’s enough for the scene goes well; that no matter what happens and how it happens it’s going to be great.
I know he says it with his heart. I would feel the same if I were in his shoes. The most important thing is our connection; we, together, having pleasure and fun; exploring our kinks. We, together — that’s all there is to it.
Still, I wish to offer my lover a great Dom/sub scene. He deserves it. And I want it.
I know where to start to overcome my fears and doubts — the same I always do: to drink directly from the fountain. Read other dominator’s experiences.
Sex bloggers have been of significant contribution to my sex life, especially since I embraced my kinkster side. Not only reading their stories made me feel comfortable about my doubts, but they also answered to the so many questions I had (and the ones I still have.)
Since the moment I saw that a strap-on harness was part of Mr P.’s sex toy collection I read about it: how to use it, how it feels for a woman to possess her man and also the inverse: how it feels for the man to be fucked by his woman.
I also read about Dom/sub scenes — from a personal perspective; how to do it and how the writer felt living it. I’ve done my homework.
In a way, I can’t wait to do it, I know I will love it! For myself and for my lover, for the pleasure I’ll be offering him.
It’s something he wants to do with me, so it’s something that, as he says, it’s going to be great, no matter what.
But what if the “no matter what” is me being muted? Or me, in a Dom posture, sexy, powerful and owner of a fantastic sex vibe, and suddenly I start laughing like crazy? I laugh a lot, including during sex.
There are so many things that can go the opposite way of how I want things to happen…
I know my insecurities will follow me until the moment I enter the bedroom for the scene. The important is not allowing them to freeze me.
Offering a powerful Dom/sub scene to my lover is something I truly want to do. For him and for myself; I want to push myself further. I want to explore my Dom side, to see if it’s something that’s really inside me or it’s just wishful thinking.
No matter how it will go, I know it will be another incredible sexual experience my lover and I will live. For that, it’s worth to overcome any fears and insecurities I have.
I just need a bit of time to grow the idea in me, and to let the Dom in me to emerge.
Reading suggestions:
