The Realisation of My Sexual Fantasy Is on Hold

And I did it to myself!

A while ago, I wrote about how I didn’t have sexual fantasies and how I wasn't happy about it. Since then, I’ve been working on changing that — I felt sexual fantasies would bring fun and sexual excitement to my life. And I was right.

Because my partner, Mr P., goes along with anything I ask (and he gets the same from me), I knew that anything I’d fantasise about, he would make it happen.

Apart from going to a dungeon — the number one on my sexual bucket list — eventually have a threesome (an FMF one) and going to a fetish party, I couldn’t think about anything else to fantasise about. Not until I stopped overthinking it and allow me to go with the flow.

Last month, I found out my first real sexual fantasy. It came up naturally, without forcing it. But most important: it came up because I let down my defences.

Mr P. is in the army. Because of the lockdown, since March he has been out of it (it’s not his primary job). When the restrictions were lifted, he went back to the army work; soon he went out for an “army weekend”.

In our good morning texting, on that Saturday; I asked him to send me a picture of him, I wanted to see him (we couldn’t do a video call).

When I opened the picture, I got horny as hell! He was dressed in his army suit, I’ve never had seen him on it. I texted him back: “I want you to fuck me dressed like that.” He laughed and said, “ok”. What else?

A couple of weeks later, we would celebrate our six-months dating. We agreed we’d have a romantic dinner and a kinky night.

Our date was very romantic. We cooked together, both dressed up. He invited me to go for a meal out, but I was in the mood to stay indoors.

He had lit all the candles in the house (he has candleholders in the walls of the living room, on the dining table and along the stairs). The ambience was perfect; intimate and romantic.

We drank Prosecco, we talked, and we celebrated our marvellous and committed six-months relationship.

After dinner, my dog had to be walked. Usually, Mr P. comes with me, but that night he told me he had something he needed to take care of, for me to walk the dog without him.

I knew immediately it had something to do with sex; he wanted to prepare a scene.

I went out with my dog (with a big smile on my face.) I walked him longer than usual. I wanted to give time for my lover to get ready for whatever he was preparing, and to create an expectation for me to get back.

The same way, I wanted to create an expectation for myself.

While I walked my dog, I imagined what Mr P. was preparing for us. Would it be a wax scene? Was he preparing the handcuffs, whips and floggers? Was he going to ask me to dominate him?

The anticipation of sex is so delicious.

When I got home, I had an incredible vision: Mr P. was dressed in his army suit.

He was so hot in it. But so, so hot! I took my dog’s leash off, told him good night, grabbed Mr P.’s hand and dragged him to his bedroom, upstairs.

We started making out. My clothes flew around the room; his camouflage suit stayed on. The only thing that moved in the suit was the zip of the pants (that one had to be undone.) Ok, I grabbed it hard and pulled my man to me, dragging him through the camouflage suit, but I never undressed a piece from him.

We had an amazing fuck: me naked; he dressed in his camouflage suit. It was so intensely sexy and arousing!

I never thought a costume fantasy would be my thing. I still don’t think it is; I need to explore it more.

Mr P. is in the army, the suit it’s his; I feel it’s the power that comes with it, the ownership that makes me so horny. I’m not sure I’d feel the same if he dresses up in something it’s not him. I guess I’ll have to try.

Having my man dressed in an army suit, pinning me down on the bed and fucking me with desire, threw me to another dimension.

The realisation of the fantasy was spectacular. But it made me want more — a new fantasy was born from it.

I didn’t share immediately with Mr P. my new fantasy. We’ve been both busy and me with some personal issues. I always reserve our sexual exploration conversations for when we are both with free time and in a good mood.

We tease each other almost daily; we both have high sex drives, so we are always in a teasing mood. But some things we keep it for when we are in a relaxing mood. Which happened yesterday.

After work, Mr P. came to my place. On his primary job, he’s also in a uniform; he’s a paramedic (ergo, the nickname Mr P.), but that one doesn’t do much to my arousal.

Maybe it’s related to the devotion to the NHS workers that’s happening here in England, maybe it’s the lack of “power” the uniform transmits me. I respect it a lot, but it doesn’t tease my sexuality. Anyway, let’s move on.

When Mr P. got to my place, I was cooking for us, wearing only my new sexy dark red lingerie. I had done my hair and makeup. I was hot and horny. He loved it, of course.

He went for a shower; I finished cooking; we had dinner, and then I fucked his brain out (I was in a Dom mood.)

After sex, with our breathing tuned and calming down from the spectacular orgasms we both had, I told him I had a new sexual fantasy.

Mr P.’s smile brightened his all face. He loves sexual novelty, so anything new I ask is a boost. He said, “what is it?”, to which I replied:

“Emma has 617 followers. When she reaches 1k, will you be my Army Dominator?”

Both Mr P. and I are kinksters and into BDSM. I’ve only discovered this about myself with him. Since then, we’ve been exploring my kinks, playing with both mine and his. It has been a spectacular and unique experience.

Also, we are both switches, meaning that we assume the roles either of Dominator and Submissive. However, we are both more submissive than Doms’, but we’ve been satisfying each other perfectly well.

I know I have to wait a long time to satisfy my fantasy, but I want to do it this way. I want to work for it. I want to deserve my prize.

Please help me, tell your friends about me, ask them to follow me on Medium, I want my Army Dom so badly!

It has been three months since I wrote the piece complaining about how I wasn’t happy with my lack of sexual fantasies.

I’m proud of myself for having pinpointed something I wanted to change in my sex life and found a way to do it.

It was all in my mind, still traces from my past sexual self — the one shy and ashamed; the one that had wants but didn’t act on them.

My sexual posture changed a lot this year. As a result, this has been the best sexual year of my life.

Sex starts in our minds: what we think it is, becomes our reality. I didn’t have sexual fantasies, and I knew it wasn’t the way I wanted things to be. So I worked on that, to free my mind, to let go of restraints and rationalities — they don't belong in sex.

I now have a sexy, powerful sexual fantasy. And I’m making myself wait for it to happen. It will make things even more exciting. The thrill of the wait will be worth it, I am sure.

Until it becomes true, I might find other fantasies to fulfil!

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