Work Is Not Your Family
I Was Told to Focus on My Family, But Then I Got a “Warning Letter” from HR.
What The Company Wanted Me To Do Was Focus On The Instead.
“Welcome to the family.”
I was told when I joined the corporation. Last year I had a plan — I was about to write my novel, live off my savings and focus on my health. My plan didn’t work out and my savings disappeared due to unfortunate reasons, and I was forced to go back to the corporation to keep my family afloat.
When I accepted the job, I told myself that it will be a “temporary gig” just until I save up enough money to pursue my initial dream.
Today, a year passed since I made myself the promise that I didn’t keep.
At first, I didn’t fall for it. I’ve had my bad previous experiences with corporations: I brought big partners, made million-dollar deals and in the end, I got fired because I was good at my job and was a threat to others.
But I needed the job, not the family. I already have a complicated, large Serbian/ Welsh family — I don’t need nor want anyone else.
I did my job well: I brought good deals and made some exclusive collaborations but somehow I’ve kept my distance. I rarely socialized with my colleagues, I was inactive in our team group chat, and I didn’t go for lunch — I wished to go home early to spend time with my family.
During the pandemic peak, I worked remotely which suited me — I hate working in the office. I am more productive working from home and my job can be easily done remotely. I also needed to travel frequently abroad due to my family obligations — the company seemed understanding of my situation as long as the country was in a state of emergency.
This summer the company changed policy regarding remote work and decided that everyone needs to go back to the office. I had to travel abroad to be with my family for a month. I informed my managers and told them that I am ready to work remotely again, and if they disagree then I will just take annual leave.
My family comes first.
“We understand. You can work remotely, for the time being, the family comes first.”
I was nicely surprised that we were in agreement.
I travelled to be with my family and attended to my job duties remotely: all was well. Upon my return I’ve realized that the company has gone through restructure — many employees have decided to leave because of the new “office-only” policy, some have complained that I have been “allowed” to work remotely for a long period of time due to my unfortunate family matters and others have just decided to follow their dreams instead.
Maybe a few of them have also realized that the company isn’t their family after all.
Upon my return, I wasn’t asked how my real family was nor given any support instead I was told that I will receive a warning letter from HR.
“What did I do?”
I worked remotely to be able to be with my family in time of need, which was understood and supported by the company. But somehow during my time away perceptions shifted, management changed and someone had to be punished — me.
I was told that this letter is just a “formality” and I should not worry too much. But how could I not worry? I nearly believed that “we are family”.Their actions brought back all the initial reasons I never wanted to work in a corporation in the first place.
But it also made me realize that their initial attitude was deceitful. The companies we work for aren’t our families and pretending otherwise is wrong. Let me tell you why.
“My family doesn’t send me warning letters”
I’ve disappointed and angered my family in past, countless times but my family never gave up on me. They never fired me for “poor performance” or got upset because I wasn’t able to attend the “family reunion”. My family is loyal to me no matter what.
My mother never made an example of me to my sisters to teach them a lesson. Companies are different: they didn’t employ me because they loved me and cared about me but because I am valuable to them and because I will help them hit the metrics they are after all.
My family gave me pocket money even when I didn’t contribute enough to the household and supported me when I was out of a job or feeling unwell — the company suggested taking an annual leave even though I was able to work for them, but on the terms that they didn’t like — remotely.
Healthy families don’t kick out people when a restructure happens — there are no restructures in healthy families. Companies do that from time to time and it’s okay. But referring to the company as a family is just absurd, it twists the reality and can make an already painful process of letting go even worse.
My colleague worked for the company for over 7 years, he was very valuable to the company as he has built their community from the scratch. The community pays our monthly salaries. He fell in love with a woman who has to take care of her parents in another country so he asked to work 3 days in the office and the rest remotely to spend time with her.
The company refused. My colleague had to leave with a lot of resentments towards the company as he naively believed that the company was his family. No — his family is his girlfriend.
“My family loves me unconditionally”
My family loves each other. My company can’t love me. Once I opened up about my personal issues and I was told that they don’t want to hear the details. Why?
Because then perhaps they might emphasize more with me and it would be harder for them to make “necessary” decisions. If they know me inside out then perhaps they would feel remorseful about sending through the warning letter.
Companies are not capable of love. My good friend stayed in the company too long just because he liked the people he was working with and he wished to keep helping them. But soon he realized that he is hurting himself the most.
He left the company and kept the relationships. People who care about you and know you will understand that you are not leaving them, you are just doing what’s best for you.
“My family listens to my needs”
Since I’ve been back I’ve asked on multiple occasions to work remotely. I’ve backed it up with numbers and explained why and how I would be able to deliver more if I am able to work remotely. The company declined.
Currently, they are struggling to employ people because many people have realized the benefits of working remotely and aren’t keen on going back to the “normal”. When I have relationship issues with my sisters or partner we talk them through, we listen and we find a compromise.
Companies don’t compromise. They have no obligation to listen to their employee's needs and provide them with the tools that they need to succeed. They should though or they will face the issue of finding employees.
In the last three months, 6 people have left our team and many more will leave by the end of the year. Many of these people truly love their company — they’ve built some great initiatives, opened new roles and they are proud of themselves.
But they have needs that must be fulfilled to keep them going.
Corona pandemic made many of my colleagues “realize” who is their real family. My colleague has spent nearly two years working with his spouse in the apartment, while his puppy slept under his table — he doesn’t want to go back to the office when there is no need.
“Because I said so!”
The difference is that if he doesn’t oblige his real mother will forgive him within an hour, while the company will send him a “warning letter” at best, but most likely they will fire him.
This is their loss as there are too many rebellious marketing managers out there which understand that there is no justifiable requirement why we should be in the office.
Companies are not families. We work in teams — we are a team with the goal to make the company profitable and keep our jobs. And that’s okay.
Let’s just be please finally honest about the nature of our relationship.
Thank you for reading.
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