I Shared a Simultaneous Orgasm With My Partner for the Very First Time

A personal study on how to “come” together

Lately, I’ve been having sex more often and experiencing more physical and emotional fulfillment than I ever have with previous partners.

I have to give credit where credit is due. I’m having amazing, world-shifting sex because I now have a partner who is comfortable with communicating all about sex. He loves to talk about my pleasure and his before, during, and after sex. All three times are important times for discussion and feedback — and he always asks for my input.

Sharing intimate, detailed, two-way communication about how we’re feeling about our foreplay and intercourse — in real-time — is the key to this recent phenomenal boost in my sex life.

My partner and I both love having sex with each other, and we’re both discovering that the more we explore our minds on the topic, the more we’re able to give our bodies the best possible pleasure.

Take the other morning, for example. We were in the middle of sex, and for the first time ever, we experienced a simultaneous orgasm.

We came together, at the very same time, loudly and unapologetically in each other’s arms.

It was one of the most intimate, bonding, and highly pleasurable moments we’ve shared as a couple thus far.

In a word, it was pure ecstasy in all the ways you can experience ecstasy. It wasn’t just physical, but emotional and intellectual as well.

There were a few key elements that allowed us to share a simultaneous orgasm and climax at the very same moment. He did some things, and I did some things. And — it was all incredibly hot.

Here’s how we — and other couples — can make simultaneous orgasms happen.

Have all the proper equipment at the ready

Lube, vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, prostate massagers, restraints, nipple clamps — anything that makes you feel good and helps you get there, don’t be afraid to use it with your partner. And use it without guilt or shame for wanting some assistance.

Also, don’t feel intimidated if you have a partner who wants to use a toy with you. Just enjoy the fact that you’re enhancing their pleasure to the point of an intense, mind-shattering orgasm, and be grateful that they want to share in that sort of glorious intimacy with you.

You can start things off with a toy or lube, or, you can have them at the ready on the nightstand or somewhere within reach to incorporate later. Nothing is hotter for me than starting out with just my partner, our minds and bodies connecting without any devices, and then adding a toy when I begin to feel way more aroused.

This is how I was able to orgasm at the same time as my partner.

We were getting amorous one morning, after the kids had gone to school, and I was feeling particularly aroused from the things he’d been doing during foreplay. We started with lots of kissing and touching. Then, he went down on me while he played with my nipples and I tugged at his hair.

After a bit of that, I wanted him to penetrate me even before the oral sex made me climax. This happens pretty often with me — I get so turned on by what he’s doing orally or with his hands that I beg him to enter me. I’m the kind of gal who just can’t seem to get enough of PIV sex when I’m that turned on. I love feeling filled up by him.

And my partner kindly obliged. After some intense thrusting and kissing and eye-contact and dirty talk, I was feeling so good that I knew I was getting pretty close. However, I don’t usually orgasm without clitoral stimulation.

So I told him I wanted to use the Hitachi Wand so that I could come while he was inside me. Placing a vibrator between us during missionary is one of my all-time favorite things on our sex menu, and I can do it with him all day long. And all night.

And that’s how we came, together — and loudly — at the exact same time. He was on top, thrusting into me, holding the wand between us. He let me know later that he was able to feel the intense vibrations from the wand while he was inside me, and that it only made things better for him.

See? A vibrating toy held on the clitoris between you can help you both feel more pleasure during sex.

Timing is key, and our timing just happened to be right this time — because we communicated consistently and let each other know when we were just about there.

Make sex a no-pressure zone

Our first simultaneous orgasm didn’t happen on purpose. In fact, my partner and I have reached a level of enjoying sex where we don’t worry about the climax too much.

Getting to this no-pressure zone where we simply enjoy playful exploration, being intimate, and making each other feel good in a variety of ways (whether we climax or not) — is the very reason why we’re both able to orgasm more.

I’ve had hotter, more intense sex with my current partner than anyone I’ve been with, and it took me a long time to realize that lifting the pressure and letting myself enjoy the act of lovemaking without worrying about orgasms actually makes you orgasm more.

And it feels way better.

It seems an odd juxtaposition, but it’s really not. Don’t try too hard to come, and you’ll come more. Don’t fret about how long you’re giving or receiving pleasure. Don’t be shy about asking for the toys you need to assist you in partnered sex.

Simply play, explore, and bask in the pleasure. Talk. Enjoy each other’s company.

Once you get to that place, the orgasms come. And keep coming.

And, your chances of coming together — an extremely intimate and bonding experience that will improve your relationship and give you both a sex afterglow for days — will greatly increase.

Talk, talk, and then talk some more

In order to come together, communication is key! You have to give each other a play-by-play of where you are in your orgasm journey, during the sex session. So don’t be afraid to give out those reports, frequently and thoroughly. Also, be sure to update any changes as they happen.

Think of it as delivering your personal up-to-the-second sex news, where you tell your partner what you like, how much you like it, and — just as important — if you want to change things up to make it feel better.

Are you just starting to feel pretty good? Are you moving into “That feels really good now!” territory? Have you reached the precipice and are getting super close?

Along the same vein, tell each other what adjustments need to be made to enhance your pleasure. Do you need to change positions or angles? Maybe place a pillow under your bum? If you have a vulva — do you need to add more clitoral stimulation? How about nipple play? Do you need more dirty talk? Or less?

Tell your partner all about it. Be loud and clear and don’t shy away from saying whether something is working well or isn’t.

Also, be an active, nonjudgmental, supportive listener and adjust to your partner. If something feels good for one but doesn’t do much for the other, find a compromise that makes sex for both of you feel great at the same time.

And if you’re shy about giving pleasure updates, rest assured that alerting your partner will only turn them on more. Seeing them become more excited will only make you more excited.

This back-and-forth communication creates a delicious pleasure cycle, and it will also create the necessary line of communication that will let your partner know if they need to slow down their climax in order to wait for you to catch up — or vice versa.

Bask in your pleasure together, no matter how that looks

It’s no surprise — the research shows that sexual communication is associated with higher sexual desire and arousal, better natural lubrication, more orgasms, improved erectile function, and overall more satisfying sex with your partner.

And though the orgasm gap is still alive and well, with males climaxing more often than their female partners, we don’t necessarily need to orgasm to enjoy sex and strengthen our relationships.

We love to come, of course. Boy, do we love it. Orgasms help us bond. They have all kinds of health benefits. They make us feel amazing. But — we can get them more by communicating and simply enjoying whatever kind of sex we like.

Maybe the hottest sex for you isn’t about an insanely intensive squirting O — maybe it’s about connecting and bonding with your partner emotionally.

Maybe the best sex for you is about the climax. That’s okay too, as long as you don’t get so caught up in the pressure and performance that it actually hinders your ability to finish. Come as much as you like, but take the time to study each other and learn all the best ways to make it happen. Whether that’s through oral, anal, mutual masturbation, PIV, toys, or whatever you like.

Whatever pleasurable intimacy looks like for you, don’t be ashamed to pursue that. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner exactly what you want and how you want it. Ask if they feel comfortable with doing it for you, and go for it.

At the same time, don’t be afraid to decline certain sex requests from your partner if they go beyond your hard limits.

Even ten months in, my partner and I still talk about sex. Often. We discuss both his pleasure and my pleasure. We have fun analyzing our turn-ons and turn-offs. We constantly talk about new things and how what we want to try is evolving.

Whether you orgasm at different times, not at all, or simultaneously — the more you communicate and learn by doing, the more you’ll enjoy the sex.

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