Summary

The article discusses the divergent reactions of the author and her husband to their marital unhappiness, with the author favoring communication and counseling, while her husband resorts to negative behaviors.

Abstract

The author reflects on the contrasting ways she and her husband dealt with their marital issues. Despite acknowledging their differences and the typical varied reactions to marital discord, she laments the unnecessary drama and chaos that ensued. Her husband's response to marital unhappiness was to act out, while she sought to address the issues through dialogue and professional help. The author believes that unhappiness, if not dealt with constructively, can become a permanent fixture in a marriage, as it did in hers for nearly six years. She suggests that such differing approaches to dealing with marital depression are not uncommon but are ultimately detrimental to the relationship.

Opinions

The author recognizes the inherent differences between men and women and how these differences manifested in their reactions to marital issues.
She views her husband's drinking and refusal to address his unhappiness as unnecessary and counterproductive.
The author sees her own attempts to communicate and seek counseling as a constructive approach to their marital problems.
She perceives her husband's behavior as inflicting his unhappiness on others, while she chose to share her feelings with friends.
The author believes that marital unhappiness, if not entertained or addressed, can become a persistent issue, likening it to an unwelcome houseguest that never leaves.
She implies that the different ways people handle marital issues, such as cheating, drinking, or escaping through work or travel, may stem from underlying unhappiness.
The author suggests that the drama and chaos in their marriage could have been avoided if both partners had approached their shared unhappiness in a similar, constructive manner.

I Reacted One Way to Our Marital Unhappiness

But my husband reacted in a completely different way

I get that men and women are different. I get that my husband and I turned out to be two contrasting personalities. I even get that people react to things differently.

I still think it was all so unnecessary.

The marital drama and the chaos.

“We don’t have real problems,” I used to tell my husband. “You need to deal with whatever is bothering you or stop drinking.”

But he wouldn’t.

Little did I know his unhappiness was directly related to me. My husband saw my admission of sadness as fighting words. He viewed them as a personal insult and attack.

I believed in tackling my marital unhappiness.

My husband believed in acting out his marital unhappiness.

Maybe it’s not as uncommon as I think.

Maybe it’s why some people cheat because they’re unhappy. Maybe that’s why some people drink or turn to other vices. Maybe that’s why some people physically escape to work or travel.

I wanted to talk about it.

I wanted to go to marriage counseling.

My husband believed his unhappiness deserved to be inflicted on others.

To be fair, I shared my sadness with my friends. I guess you could call that a version of misery loves company. I know they must have gotten tired of listening to me because I kept fighting the good fight.

Instead, of surrendering to divorce.

I always say, “Unhappiness needs to be entertained. If not, it becomes a houseguest that never leaves.”

That’s exactly what happened.

Our marriage was completely miserable for nearly six years.

Because one of us approached our marital depression one way and the other approached it another way. It was as futile as the issues that landed us there.

Two utterly cheerless souls barely navigating each other.

I don’t think it’s that uncommon.

But it’s so unnecessary.

The marital drama and the chaos.

But unhappiness demands to be entertained.

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