avatarCarol Lennox

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2050

Abstract

.</p><p id="c256">Maybe along with those actual stomach aches, it also created the belly-aching he does about my humor, though.</p><p id="55a2">He’s Moonlair360 on TikTok and YouTube, and HE can do and say any damned crazy thing online. I on the other hand, embarrass him constantly with my writing. Which, he actually never reads all the way through to the punchline, so how does he know about my comic delivery?</p><p id="dbcf">He’s basing his criticism on my delivery of jokes. Sadly, he’s correct about that. For one thing, I only know one joke, and I invariably screw that one up. Instead of saying “The Genie thought I asked for a 12 inch pianist” I actually either say “penis,” or I forget to say the little man the guy pulls out of his pocket to play the toy piano is a foot tall. You see the issue.</p><p id="7918">I’m also a rambler, even though I can’t abide listening to other people who ramble. Somehow, and I blame genetics, I can start telling a funny story with the clear intention of making it short and sweet, but some monster inside takes over and I have to put in All. The. Details. Otherwise, what if my listeners miss the point?</p><p id="28c9">Not to worry, they quit listening way before the point.</p><p id="bce4">I don’t seem to have the same issue with writing humor. Right editors? Or are you all just being nice to me? Except for <a href="undefined">BOFace</a>, who is known as our resident curmudgeon here at MuddyUm. He, like my son, has no problem telling me I’m not being funny enough. And I didn’t even give birth to him.</p><p id="1f60">Apparently <a href="undefined">BOFace</a> thinks this one is passably funny, since he edited it and didn’t tell me it wasn’t funny enough.</p><p id="9abf">Read the bottom two links below and judge for yourself. Not whether I gave birth to <a href="undefined">BOFace</a>, but whether I’m funny enough, or need to work on my comic delivery.</p><p id="fb7a">Maybe I’ll add a tracking system courtesy of <a href="undefined">Steve Wyatt</a>. Will that help?</p><div id="7b85" class="

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DELIVERY DELIRIUM

I Have to Work on My Comic Delivery

I couldn’t even deliver my son properly

Photo by Jan Kopřiva on Unsplash

“Mom, you’ve got to work on your delivery. You couldn’t even deliver me correctly.”

Yeah. That’s my son. He’s a smart ass. And a comedian. I have no idea where he got any of that from.

He was delivered by Caesarean. After 21 hours of labor, 15 at home where I was hoping to deliver him “naturally” — which is code for in intense pain unlike any you’ve ever felt, and which guys never will feel.

When the midwife said, “You need to squat and press the baby’s head against your cervix to get it to dilate,” I said,

Oh hell no.

Obviously the delivery was done in the hospital after transport. Fortunately for me, the midwife knew her limits. I certainly learned mine.

It turns out Caesarean deliveries can have long-lasting effects on both the mother and the baby. He blames me.

Which is most unfair, since if I had pushed that big-headed, 10 pound baby out my hoo-haw, I’d have plenty to blame him for.

What does he blame me for? All of his stomach aches, from birth through infinity and beyond. And everything else, including being on this effed up planet in the first place, but none of that is directly related to the caesarean.

Maybe along with those actual stomach aches, it also created the belly-aching he does about my humor, though.

He’s Moonlair360 on TikTok and YouTube, and HE can do and say any damned crazy thing online. I on the other hand, embarrass him constantly with my writing. Which, he actually never reads all the way through to the punchline, so how does he know about my comic delivery?

He’s basing his criticism on my delivery of jokes. Sadly, he’s correct about that. For one thing, I only know one joke, and I invariably screw that one up. Instead of saying “The Genie thought I asked for a 12 inch pianist” I actually either say “penis,” or I forget to say the little man the guy pulls out of his pocket to play the toy piano is a foot tall. You see the issue.

I’m also a rambler, even though I can’t abide listening to other people who ramble. Somehow, and I blame genetics, I can start telling a funny story with the clear intention of making it short and sweet, but some monster inside takes over and I have to put in All. The. Details. Otherwise, what if my listeners miss the point?

Not to worry, they quit listening way before the point.

I don’t seem to have the same issue with writing humor. Right editors? Or are you all just being nice to me? Except for BOFace, who is known as our resident curmudgeon here at MuddyUm. He, like my son, has no problem telling me I’m not being funny enough. And I didn’t even give birth to him.

Apparently BOFace thinks this one is passably funny, since he edited it and didn’t tell me it wasn’t funny enough.

Read the bottom two links below and judge for yourself. Not whether I gave birth to BOFace, but whether I’m funny enough, or need to work on my comic delivery.

Maybe I’ll add a tracking system courtesy of Steve Wyatt. Will that help?

Brand art courtesy of @davidtoddmccarty
Humor
This Happened To Me
Parenting
Satire
Comedy
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