SONS AND MOTHERS

Would You Let Your Mother Out of the House in That?

Fashion advice for moms from their sons

I came out of the dressing room of the store where I’d dragged my 8-year-old son shopping.

“How do I look in these pants?” I asked, showing them off from all angles.

“They look good, Mom.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, they’re fine.”

A few weeks later we’re on vacation. I put on the pants, turn to look at my back view in the mirror, and ask,

“Are you sure these don’t make my butt look big, honey?”

“Yeah Mom, they do.”

“WHAT? You said they looked good on me.”

“Well, I thought you wanted your butt to look big,” he answered in all innocence.

He makes it to 10 years old. He survives the red pants debacle. Barely.

We’re visiting his Mimi, my mother, in Florida. She lives 30 minutes from beautiful Destin beach. Today, though, we’re going with my young step-brother to his job at the nearby Water Park. Because, 10-year-old son.

It’s the perfect day in the Sunshine State to wear my new pink suit. It’s too good for the beach and the salty ocean water.

I get dressed in the bathroom and come out into the hall where my son impatiently waits, expecting him to be ready to race me to the car.

Instead he takes one look and asks,

“Are you going to wear that?”

“Well, yes, I thought I would. What’s wrong with it?”

“Would you want YOUR mother to wear that bathing suit?” he asks with clear authority and horrified inflection.

We stopped at Target on the way and I bought a grey Tank-kini to wear to the Water Park.

Later, I saw my perfectly-pink, plunging-neckline, high-cut-legs bathing suit on a model on the cover of Penthouse magazine.

I think my Mom could’ve rocked it.

Thank you to Rachael Ann Sand and Andrew Rodwin for astute remarks. You rock.

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