avatarT. Kent Jones

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2071

Abstract

ted alien inhabits a top intelligence official, so that if anyone ever suspected its existence, this top brass meat puppet could deny it from a place of institutional authority and misdirect any investigations. Those people are incorrect.</p><p id="af1d">And, once and for all, let me lay to rest the idea that some alien emperor is weighing two possible uses for Earth: as a vast garbage barge or as a milking post for dolphin sperm which fuels a malignant hive mind currently assimilating three to five civilizations per zeptosecond. Enough with alien/dolphin sperm fake news, people.</p><p id="4a0a">Rest assured that if there is an alien visitation, or an alien crash, defense officials will analyze it and take appropriate actions.</p><p id="6793">Similarly, if a mile-wide alien transport were to show up carrying the hopes and dreams of a battered race fleeing the charred husk of their ruined home, and if they were to arrive on Earth, say, 29 days, five hours and 12 minutes from now, I would be the first to tell you.</p><p id="ea24">But, as I said, at this time, we have nothing.</p><p id="758c">For my part, I, “Ronald Moultrie,” top Pentagon intelligence official, will continue to wait and hope. I’ve grown to love it here.</p><p id="f2d0">Watch the skies.</p><p id="cca6">***</p><p id="9681"><i>Thank heavens for <a href="https://aculberg007.medium.com/">Amy Sea!</a></i></p><p id="fae7"><i>The T. Kent Jones <a href="https://medium.com/muddyum/t-kent-jones/home">omnibus </a>never closes. Free Parking!</i></p><div id="a142" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-sarcasm-works-8e33cc8852d2"> <div> <div> <h2>How Sarcasm Works</h2> <div><h3>Gee, thanks for the life lessons, asshole</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*CICnLelkVYX6LfEbrajbiA.png)"></div> </div> </div> </a>

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    </div><p id="e875">There’s so much comedy behind this blue-eyed cat.</p><figure id="163c"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*VDzWg4lMsQYdiOBQ.png"><figcaption><a href="https://davidtoddmccarty.medium.com/">https://davidtoddmccarty.medium.com</a></figcaption></figure></article></body>

NEW AROUND HERE?

I Am Not the Space Alien You’re Looking For

And I am totally not living in your sinus cavities

Image by CRAIYON

“The Pentagon’s top intelligence official, Ronald Moultrie, told reporters during a news conference, that “At this time … we have nothing” to affirm the existence of space aliens.”- Washington Post 12/16/22

Let me also say that the Pentagon has no evidence confirming any possible “close encounter” scenarios, such as a lone alien explorer tasked by its emperor to find a habitable new planet after climate hubris transformed their once verdant home moon into a hellscape rotting under blackened twin suns.

Also, our scientists have dismissed the idea that this mythical lone alien explorer may have hurtled thousands of light years through the frozen abyss of space until a cylindrical pod splashed down 153.4 nautical miles north, northeast of Ballantyne’s Cove in Nova Scotia on September 15, 2018, at 6: 34 p.m. Atlantic Time.

Let me categorically deny that this lonely, frightened ambassador then swam to shore and travelled to the United States in the back of refrigerated salmon trucks where, employing quantum telepathy and next-gen allele cloning, absorbed all there was to know about this lovely blue green paradise and its savage, unforgiving inhabitants.

Any suggestion that the only way this brave, wholly imaginary, alien scout could feel secure in such a hostile habitat would be to embed itself in the mucus of a human host and manipulate its thoughts and actions from a moist command post inside its nasal cavities, is far-fetched at best.

Absurdly, there are those that would have you believe this purported alien inhabits a top intelligence official, so that if anyone ever suspected its existence, this top brass meat puppet could deny it from a place of institutional authority and misdirect any investigations. Those people are incorrect.

And, once and for all, let me lay to rest the idea that some alien emperor is weighing two possible uses for Earth: as a vast garbage barge or as a milking post for dolphin sperm which fuels a malignant hive mind currently assimilating three to five civilizations per zeptosecond. Enough with alien/dolphin sperm fake news, people.

Rest assured that if there is an alien visitation, or an alien crash, defense officials will analyze it and take appropriate actions.

Similarly, if a mile-wide alien transport were to show up carrying the hopes and dreams of a battered race fleeing the charred husk of their ruined home, and if they were to arrive on Earth, say, 29 days, five hours and 12 minutes from now, I would be the first to tell you.

But, as I said, at this time, we have nothing.

For my part, I, “Ronald Moultrie,” top Pentagon intelligence official, will continue to wait and hope. I’ve grown to love it here.

Watch the skies.

***

Thank heavens for Amy Sea!

The T. Kent Jones omnibus never closes. Free Parking!

There’s so much comedy behind this blue-eyed cat.

https://davidtoddmccarty.medium.com
Humor
Satire
Space Aliens
Extraterrestrial Life
Kent Jones
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