SNARKNADO

How Sarcasm Works

Gee, thanks for the life lessons, asshole

“I want to tell you something: If Steve Bannon and I had organized that, we would have won. Not to mention, it would’ve been armed.” said Rep. Majorie Taylor Greene about the Jan. 6 riot.

After her comments were widely condemned Rep. Greene said, “The White House needs to learn how sarcasm works. My comments were making fun of Joe Biden and the Democrats, who have continuously made me a political target since January 6th.”

Sift through the debris of this 60-car pileup of ego diarrhea, heartless faux populism and rancid baby treason and you’ll find one interesting thought: everyone should learn how sarcasm works.

I am grateful to Baruch College’s Tools for Clear Speech who offered this useful tutorial:

Sarcasm, also known as verbal irony, occurs when a speaker says one thing, but actually means the opposite. It is signaled by a unique intonation pattern in English. It’s good to be able to recognize it, and in some cases, produce it. However, sarcasm is not appropriate in all situations because it can easily come across as rude, so it’s good to be cautious when using it.

It’s like axe-throwing— dangerous, but once mastered, irresistible.

Let’s try it. Speak or sign the following — and let the venom drip.

“Thanks, genius, for lecturing the free and fairly elected President of the United States on how sarcasm works. I’m sure he’s never experienced that in all his years in politics and he’s super grateful you’re here to explain it to him.”

Well done! I could really feel your condescension!

When sarcasm is successful, you should clearly hear the word “asshole” at the end of your sentence. It’s silent but it’s there. Listen:

No, thank YOU.

Did you hear the “asshole?” If you can’t, you may be doing it wrong. Keep practicing until the silent “asshole” is as clear as day.

Sarcasm is often better when delivered — slowly. Heed the axiom, half the speed, twice the contempt. Savor the moment.

Facial expressions are key as well. Tiny disdainful sighs of disappointment. The half hooded eyelid and slight sneer combo are guaranteed to twist the dagger.

In written sarcasm, italics are a big help.

Italics are a big help. (“asshole.”)

As are quotation marks.

“Quotation marks” are a “big help.” (“asshole”)

Not every phrase lends itself to sarcasm. For instance,

“Marjorie Taylor Greene is a dangerous idiot, whose every desperate word and deed brings America a step closer to failing as a viable nation-state. ”

Spoken in a sarcastic tone, this satirizes the speaker, not the subject. Without the snarky inflection, this is not sarcasm, only a sad reiteration of observable facts.

The use of sarcasm requires the facts and reasons for its employment to be self-evident. As in-

The Star Wars prequels are ten times better than the original trilogy.

Here, the facts are not in dispute. (No, they really aren’t. Stop talking, fanboi.)

This is where Rep. Greene fails the sarcasm test. It is quite plausible that she and Steve Bannon DID play a role in organizing the Jan. 6. riot. Furthermore, the rioters were most definitely armed.

So, despite her tone, she did not actually mean the opposite of what she said. This was more like, I wish we had planned it, we would have done some things differently, which would have resulted in “winning.”

Batshit narcissism? No doubt. Braindead sedition? Clearly. What it is not, is sarcasm.

This is like saying to Michael Phelps —

“You must be really proud of winning 23 gold medals for fencing. If I had organized it, it would have been in the water.”

Marjorie Taylor Greene thought she was being sarcastic, but she didn’t know how it works.

Which is weird, because obviously she is a Master Communicator, the smartest, funniest, person ever elected to Congress, ever.

Wow. You’re getting so good at this.

So good.

(“asshole”)

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My sarcasm-free thanks to Gary Chapin.

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