Humans Function Better When All Their Parts Operate in Alignment

Learn how to stop fighting against yourself and break this pattern in a few simple steps.

Do you ever decide to do something, create a plan, and do the precise opposite?

Then, you spend time and energy beating yourself up for being weak or unable to commit to something you want.

If this is you, then please read on.

First, I will explain what is going on in your brain when this happens.

Second, I will give you some simple steps to follow in a self-exploration to discover what is happening in your subconscious mind.

The human mind is a mix of thoughts, emotions, and memories. Each of these varies in intensity levels based on how much trauma or pain is associated in your past with these events. This is not a conscious process, which is why our behaviors are often out of alignment with our beliefs or desires. This is why opening your self-awareness to do some inner work allows you access to subconsciously healing these deep patterns.

I will use the example of Anna, a fictional client, to help illustrate this.

Anna was raised with a very verbally abusive and cold father. Everyone tip-toed around him, trying to please him so he would not explode. Everyone lived in fear of the subsequent explosion. Anna’s mother was unable or unwilling (no judgment) to challenge this behavior, so she accepted it but became very sad inside and eventually angry. Her two daughters followed her lead.

They learned to be seen, not heard, and, more importantly, not accepted for who they were. They never received unconditional love. This led to Anna having low self-esteem and never feeling good enough. This created survival parts within her personality that learned to quiet emotions, issues or needs to keep the peace. These parts were not a conscious creation but a subconscious part created to cope with the stress of daily life.

The bottom line is that Anna never felt unconditionally loved. Love became something that was utterly conditioned on her survival behaviors. This created subconscious parts in her born out of fear and survival instinct. Most importantly, she learned to hide her true self.

Over time, the parts became more substantial, and the younger part of her became less confident and never quite felt enough.

The feeling that all love is based on certain conditions being met sets up the adult Anna with very active protective parts, which can manifest in relationship difficulties.

Adults like Anna can end up in relationships with controlling people who may require certain behaviors to show love. This perpetuates the “adult as child part” and feeds into the idea that she must try harder to be what the other person wants. This is how Anna learned to survive her family-of-origin dynamic.

The problem is that now love is missing or unsatisfying because the adult person cannot be whole if they rely on satisfying another person’s conditions for love. This can lead to chronically unsatisfying relationships that repeat the same pattern.

It is a pattern driven by past trauma, low self-esteem, and never having seen or experienced the unconditional love that keeps Anna feeling stuck. This adult child, Anna now has a deep sadness and disconnect from herself because she has no love for herself.

All her failed attempts at connecting or love have made her feel inadequate or damaged. Her sadness led to self-judgment and fear of relationships. She had become sad and scared and used to erect walls around her heart for self-protection.

These walls of self-protection support the survival part continuing to run the show. Unfortunately, Anna is kept from her without clearing or releasing this younger survival part, which keeps her from finding a partner capable of reciprocal and unconditional love.

Later in life, Anna finds herself in a relationship that is not loving and yet feels unable to change anything. Her younger part has become so protective that she now tries to change her partner’s behavior just like her angry father had by lashing out.

This leads to more anxiety, frustration, and disconnect from herself and her partner as the adult Anna, the fearful child Anna, and the protective parts of Anna compete for their causes, creating a massive sense of confusion and unhappiness. With all these competing interests, it is tough to feel satisfied in life or make change happen.

If you sense that a part of you is acting out of fear or trauma, you may want to try this kind of healing. The subconscious healing method is highly recommended since it does not require you to hash through every detail of the past. It simply gets you in touch with the primary emotion that is repeating in your life. Then, a certified practitioner uses a neurolinguistic programming language to speak with your parts to neutralize the intensity of their role in your current life.

Family systems therapy uses a process where the parts are identified by tracing their understandable development. Their purpose is honored, appreciated, and then released. This can soften the hard edges of these parts and allow the whole person to emerge. This creates less confusion and more alignment between emotions, thoughts, and actions.

Creating Your Parts Map

This activity helps you identify the more prominent parts of your personality that crop up whenever you want to change your life. This activity is recommended in Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life by Tom and Lauri Holmes.

First is feeling into it. You can use a relaxing guided meditation; try this one I created, Guided Meditation for Subconscious Healing. Feel in or around your body, exploring memories that you find come up for you either in your waking or sleeping state. Notice any recurring thoughts, beliefs, or words you use or repeat often. Notice if one represents a protector or a more compliant part of you.

You can make this as simple or complex as you would like. Just create a mind map or use artistic skills to draw or create a collage of your parts. Place parts that support each other close together and those that oppose on opposite ends. While making this, think about where these parts were created and what you felt when they became activated and alive in you.

Parts develop out of positive intentions but can develop into destructive behaviors or strategies. This is why identifying and healing your parts can lead to a deeper connection to yourself. This can clear the way for you to create a life with more happiness and less pain.

This work is part of the foundation of Dr. Gary Flynt’s work on subconscious healing. It was based on family systems therapy and neurolinguistic programming.

To learn more about subconscious healing, check out my articles, Unlock Your Intuition: Discover Your Path to Inner Guidance, Effective Change Comes from Alignment Rather Than Problem-Solving, Negative Emotions as a Catalyst for Change, or Humans Function Better When All Their Parts Operate in Alignment.

If this article resonates and you would like to learn more. Click here to access my free video training on my subconscious healing small group coaching course, The Soul Alignment Collective, to learn how to find more happiness by finding your soul’s purpose.

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