#Mentoo
How Women Control Their Men?
What’s It Like To Be Controlled By A Woman You Love.
How often do you feel as if your girlfriend/wife is controlling your life? Does she make a majority of the decisions for you? Do you feel safe talking to her about things of a sensitive nature?
My good friend is emotionally abused by his wife. His wife is very controlling and he feels as if he is suffocating. When he married her, things were different, now he fears that he will spend the rest of his life with someone who will control him.
That kind of relationship is very toxic. It is important to understand the signs of a controlling spouse so that you can do something about it before it’s too late.
The signs vary. Sometimes it's difficult to realize that you have been manipulated because very often what one person thinks of as controlling may seem okay to someone else. However, there are some signs of a controlling girlfriend that scream “control” and should not be taken easily.
“You don’t need Facebook, Instagram and the drinking buddies list when you have me…”
As soon as my friend married his girlfriend, her behaviour changed: she demanded that he deletes his social media accounts because she doesn’t like his female friends. To avoid arguments, he deleted all of his accounts. A few days later he wished to go out for a few drinks with his friends — she caused a scene and didn’t approve of him going out without her.
A month passed and he told me that he had to go through his phone contact list and erase contacts of certain female friends, ex-girlfriends, drinking buddies and school friends and only keep the “important ”people. He told me it was his decision.
You see, my friend is being isolated from his past. His wife is very insecure and fears that he will cheat on her (even though she has no reason to feel this way). I think that his wife is keeping him to himself so his closest don’t notice how abusing she is towards him.
This way she can keep controlling him forever.
“You never support me!”
My friend’s wife is now pregnant and her state has worsened. At times she has even threatened suicide just because he didn’t agree with her on certain things. He tried to work from home to support her more and to avoid tantrums — I didn’t work.
It seems that nothing he does seems to be good enough for her. His wife criticizes even his choice of food and demands from him to stop eating meat. On few occasions, she called her mother in front of him just to put him down and told her that “he doesn’t emotionally support her enough”.
Too bad for her that her own mother saw through this manipulation and dismissed her behaviour, but nevertheless, his wife did so just to hurt and belittle him.
If your girlfriend/wife does the same then this is an indicator that your girlfriend wants to control every detail about you and change you to suit her wishes.
“If you go to work now, then don’t bother coming home!”
My friend’s wife threw his bag out of the window because he didn’t want to “finish” the discussion before he leaves for work. Just to be clear, there was no discussion — she was arguing with him about his ex, and to be more specific about the dates when he is due to see his two children from his previous marriage.
Threats are not only threats of physical violence, there are other vicious threats that are more common among couples — such as ultimatums. That day his wife gave him an ultimatum, either he stays at home and agrees with her to see his children less, or she will walk out on their relationship.
That day my friend didn’t show up at work, nor the following two days…I wonder when he will see his children.
“I know that you love me because you bought me the bag I wanted”
My friend’s wife is needy. She demands that he buys her a new bag every month. Once he was unable to, he already bought them a flat and fixed her car and he pays generous child support because he is a loving and caring father. His wife got angry and withheld affection.
Only after he bought her a bag on the credit card she became less hostile.
If your spouse only shows affection when you do what she wants, and withholds it when you don’t do as she desires — she is controlling.
“Remember when I paid for your shirt? Well, you own me now!”
It is natural in a relationship for there to be a certain amount of giving and take. His wife tends to keep score with him, even though she has provided way less into their relationship she keeps reminding him of things that she has done for him, adding “also I have married you!” as if he is unworthy of love.
“Because of your ex-wife, we are in debt!”
My friend picks toxic women. His first wife is malicious and uses his two children as tools against him. Ironically it was her who left him, but nevertheless, she is upset.
His second wife seems to be a narcissist and she often uses “guilt-trapping” techniques. She constantly brings up his ex, as if because of his ex they don’t have as much money as she would wish them to have. But somehow she forgets, that it is he who has bought them an apartment, who provides for her, who pays child support and will be raising their son and who is there for her every day — who declined to go back to the office just so she can be happy and so she can keep an “eye” on him.
His new wife is obsessively controlling and brings up past to make him feel guilty about it so he does what she wants.
“I have all the right to check your phone!”
Trust is the foundation of a successful relationship.
My friend’s wife doesn’t trust anyone. She frequently checks his phone and emails (work and personal) as if hoping to find something that she could use against her partner.
Partners should not keep secrets but that doesn’t mean that you are going to tell your partner every little bit about every single day. She has zero knowledge of the video games industry, why is she going through his documentations?!
He tried on many occasions to discuss with her these issues but it always led to arguments, so he gave up and just gave her all the passwords to all the accounts to make her happy. He has no secrets — except that he is very unhappy.
“You should have only 1-hour to play video games per week — no more!”
As mentioned my friend works in the video games industry and part of his job and hobby is playing video games.
Once when we were all together my friend expressed his wish to play video games on Sunday for few hours. His wife exploded — she was upset that he wishes to have time for himself to play video games and she demanded that he spends the time with her. He pointed out that they spend all their time together and he enjoys it, but that it is normal that he wishes to have few hours to himself and during these few hours she can do things with her own friends or anything else she wishes.
That evening again they had a massive argument. What came out of it? Now my friend can only play video games or have time for himself once per week for a duration of 1-hour.
Ridiculous and worrying.
Although partners should share nearly everything, you should spend time alone as individuals. A controlling wife will not allow you to have alone time.
Controlling women exist and they can make their men doubt their own ability to make decisions. When a controlling woman doesn’t trust you and imposes her rules onto you and makes you feel miserable, then she is emotionally abusing you. Remember you are worthy and you should be treated with love and respect, abuse in any form and shape is unacceptable.
Don’t fear that the world is going to judge you and think of you as less of a man because you let the abuse happen. It is not your fault. However, realizing that you are being abused and not acting upon it — is.
Confide in your friends and family. You matter and so do other men.
#Mentoo #Inat Maxwell Jordan
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