Women
How Women Excuse Their “Bad”, “Crazy” and “Psychotic” Behaviours
When my friend bit her partner’s penis she blamed her raging hormones.
My friend emotionally abuses her partner. I had to confront her and try to speak “some sense” into her but she is currently pregnant. I felt I had to be mindful of that.
I’ve been speaking to her partner about the situation he is currently in hoping to give him courage and do something about it. You see, he hoped that things would improve in time. Things worsened: on few occasions, she threatened suicide because she disagreed with his opinions on certain things.
Last week things escalated when she bit his penis.
Her excuse?
“I am pregnant! I am unable to control myself!”
Her partner took action and spoke to her mother and family. They are all advising her to continue therapy. She quit taking medications and going to her psychiatrist two years ago, when she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, she also displays narcissistic traits.
My friend is stubborn, she doesn’t need help. Once again, when confronted, she told me the same excuse she gave to her partner — her behaviour is due to pregnancy.
There are varying levels of excuses: we all “excuse” ourselves once in a while. When my stepchild burps in the middle of the restaurant and laughs about it she says “pardon me” and assumes that it’s appropriate. I have to remind her that it isn’t — and that she should cover her mouth in the first place.
When I have a long night and need to wake up earlier on a Saturday morning to run errands, which are frustrating me, I tend to sleep in, later I use the excuse that “my alarm didn’t go off”. These excuses are common, overly used and usually other people tend to forgive us.
How would you feel though if your partner pushes you, kicks you and then bites your penis all over again and somehow always finds an excuse for that behaviour?
Would you easily forgive them just because they are pregnant?
Many men would and many of them continue to forgive “psychotic” behaviour from their partners. They are women who do experience severe difficulties during pregnancy and may develop pre and post-depression syndrome, and that is okay. What is unacceptable though is not taking action even when your whole family gives you support.
Let me be clear, my friend was mistreating her partner way before she got pregnant. On one occasion she threw his phone outside of the window when he was speaking to his children. Her partner is divorced and struggles with keeping in touch with his two kids because his ex is trying to reduce contact out of spite.
So when he has a chance to speak to them — he has another issue, his new partner who is upset and resentful towards him because he has children. So what does my friend do? She makes it harder for him to keep in touch with his kids.
When my friend destroyed her partner's phone her excuse was:
“Your ex made me do it!”
In translation her resentment towards her ex made her do it.
When my friend hit her partner for the first time her excuse was:
“You made me do it!”
In translation, not listening to her made her wish to inflict harm onto him.
When my friend accused her partner of cheating on her in the middle of the family gathering her excuse was:
“I am on a period, my hormones are raging!”
In translation, her insecurities made her humiliate him in front of others.
When my friend snapped and insulted a waitress because she didn’t bring her ice for her drink her excuse was:
“It’s full moon today, it makes me act a little crazy!”
In translation, her inner “kidult”(Maxwell Jordan) spoke out.
When I confronted my friend and discussed her psychotic behaviour her excuse was:
“My fathers drinking fucked me up!”
In translation, her “Daddy ”issues never healed.
My friend believes that her excuses are legitimate and therefore she can act inappropriate time and time again. She will not take the responsibility for her toxic actions.
I can get easily angered when on period too. I think the majority of women can attest to experiencing a situation in which they got easily upset and were menstruating. We can become less tolerant of the things that already upset us. But menstruating doesn’t make you emotionally abusive to your partner — that’s a conscious decision that you make.
My friend is in denial. She doesn’t want to change her behaviour. As long as she has an excuse for it, she doesn’t need to.
Her partner is stuck too. I often wonder what keeps him in the “limbo” position? Why do men “buy” these excuses?
- Even though your girlfriend is nasty to you she is the most beautiful woman you’ve been with;
- You can’t imagine being single again, or being without her — you’ve gotten used to her;
- You will feel like a failure if you choose to leave the toxic relationship;
- You believe her excuses, maybe she is “psychotic” when on period and it’s normal;
- You are happy when there are no arguments, so you can endure few or more insults at times;
- You believe that one day perhaps your partner will change;
- You aren’t perfect either, perhaps you are too critical of her;
My friend’s partner started therapy and my friend is very unhappy about it. She wonders what will the therapist advise him. When I’ve told her that it’s good that he started seeing a coach and that perhaps she should do the same. Her response was:
“I don’t need a therapist. He needs it, because of him I have these tantrums and he should change his behaviour then perhaps I won’t have them anymore!”
My friend is far away from improving herself but nevertheless, I love her, and I will be by her side when she falls down and when she decides to pick herself up — without excuses.
Thank you for reading.
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