The 5 Levels of Self-Talk
How We Talk to Ourselves (About Ourselves)
The most important thing you can learn is how to program your subconscious mind.
Self-talk is something we naturally do all day. Most of it is unconscious, but whether we know it or not, it’s there. Our self-talk is often expressed in feelings we can’t put into words.
These inner conversations reveal our beliefs about the world, how it works, and our beliefs about ourselves.
These beliefs are programmed into our subconscious in the early years of our life. They run, for the most part, silently in the background as we go about living.
Even though these early programs are fixed, they can be changed because of the human brain’s neuroplasticity.
With our internal dialogue, we reinforce or alter our programs. Whatever we repeatedly tell ourselves, whether true or not, our subconscious will believe.
Our self-talk is our brain’s primary method of managing our life.
Deliberate self-talk is a way to take control of our lives and change harmful programs.
In his classic book What To Say When You Talk To Yourself, Dr. Shad Helmstetter reveals the five types of self-talk we engage in.
There are five distinct levels of self-talk: some are harmful, and some are beneficial.
The Five Levels of Self-Talk
Level 1. “I can’t…”
Accepting the Negative (very bad)
Negative acceptance is the lowest and most harmful type of self-talk.
- “I’m no good at that.
- This will never work out for me.
- I could never…
- I just don’t have the …
- I just can’t…”
When you see someone whose life is a failure, you can be sure these thoughts dominate their minds.
These thoughts seem harmless at the moment, but they are very destructive. They will hamper your potential and can ruin your life.
Our subconscious assumes these negative thoughts or statements are true and does everything it can to act on them as if they were true.
One of the jobs of our subconscious is to store the messages we get. It does not evaluate these messages to understand if they are true; it just stores everything as if it were fact.
Messages that are repeated often enough become wired into our brains and create our beliefs about ourselves and the world.
If you constantly put yourself down, you are creating beliefs about yourself that will lower your self-esteem and self-confidence. These beliefs are stored in the subconscious as operating programs.
If you’re stuck in any area of life and are not getting the results you want, it’s because of this harmful programming.
The brain simply believes what you tell it the most. And what you tell it about you, it will create. It has no choice.” — Shad Helmstetter
Level 2. “I need to…”
Recognizing a Need to Change (still bad)
The Recognition level of self-talk is still harmful.
It seems beneficial because it recognizes a problem but offers no solution.
When you make these statements, you are still programming yourself for failure.
“I ought to quit smoking” really means “I ought to…but I’m not!”
“I should study more” really means “I should…but I’m not!”
“I need to lose weight” really means “I need to…but I can’t!”
“I wish I could…but I can’t.”
“I know I should…but I’m not.”
“I ought to…but I don’t.”
This programming creates feelings of guilt and disappointment. You affirm a weakness that’s not real. You’re telling yourself you’re lacking, not enough, and can’t do something. You get stuck with a problem because you won’t reach for a solution.
Eliminating this type of self-talk is essential for getting what you want and living your desired life.
Level 3. “I no longer…”
Decision to Change (good)
The Decision to Change is the self-talk that changes specific behavior for the better.
At this level, you see a problem and decide to solve it.
“I never smoke.”
“I no longer enjoy smoking; I have quit.”
You state this decision in the present tense as if it had already happened, even if it has not happened yet!
Repeat these statements silently to yourself and out loud, even as you light up a cigarette! It doesn’t matter if you are still smoking when you say it; your subconscious will find a way to do what you tell it to do.
Your subconscious believes whatever you tell it, even a lie. The brain will accept what you tell it as fact.
You are giving your subconscious new instructions that you no longer need to smoke.
Keep repeating those “I never” statements and one day, as you reach for a cigarette, you will stop and say, “Why am I doing this? I don’t need these things!” You will then crumple up the pack and throw it in the wastebasket.
It’s not always this simple; some habits are complex and require special self-talk methods, but you get the basic idea.
The subconscious will believe everything you tell it if you tell it long enough and strong enough.
This isn’t magic; this is just the way the brain works. “The brain simply believes what you tell it the most.”
Level 4. “I am…”
The Better You (very good!)
Better You is the most potent, powerful type of self-talk we can use. It’s the most helpful yet least used in daily life.
This is where you paint a picture of your ideal self living your ideal life.
- “I am organized and in control of my life. I do everything I need to do when I need to do it. I am a winner. I am full of drive, determination, and self-belief.”
- “I respect myself. I like who I am and believe in myself. I have made the decision to win in my life, and that is what I am doing.”
- “I don’t smoke. I enjoy having healthy, clean lungs. I am free from harmful habits. I am healthy, energetic, and full of life. Nothing can stop me.”
This self-talk tells your subconscious, “This is who I want to be. Forget all my past garbage programming. This is my new program. Now go ahead and work on it.”
The past problem is turned completely around. “I can’t” becomes “I can.”
This ideal vision inspires, encourages, and begs us to become the best version of ourselves. It springs from our hearts and pushes us forward, propelling progress. We gain the courage to face our fears. We become filled with self-belief, our behavior changes, and we create the lives we dream of.
You will find negative self-talk behind every problem you face. But there is healthy self-talk to counteract those old negative patterns.
You can reprogram your subconscious with the right self-talk and have the results you want in life.
Level 5. “It is…”
Universal Affirmation (rarefied air)
This self-talk is the level of spiritual transcendence.
“I am one with the universe, and it is one with me.”
Those on the path to this level don’t have to read about it in a book.
For our purposes, it is best to focus on levels three and four. When the time is right for level five, you will know it.
Listen to your inner dialogue
The most important thing you can learn is how to program your subconscious mind.
You can begin changing your self-talk by being mindful of your inner dialogue.
Self-talk levels one and two may be habits right now, but with persistence, you can replace them with levels three and four. I would emphasize level four.
Listen for anything harmful, flip it around, and use helpful self-talk.
It’s those harmful programs that have put roadblocks in your way. With the right self-talk, you can leave frustration behind and make the changes you want.
“The right kind of self-talk is the key to making all positive thinking work.”
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