How to Tell Your Partner You Want a Threesome with a Friend

And really sell it

My first threesome happened too abruptly.

My boyfriend knew I was interested in having group sex. And I knew it was one of his big fantasies, too.

We had only talked about it in the abstract. But it became a lot less abstract when we were hanging out with Bryan.

Mr. Austin had known Bryan for years. They met through mutual friends and somehow managed to hold down a friendship even though the only thing they really had in common was a love of sex.

Actually, love isn’t the right word. Bryan was downright obsessed.

He had made it clear to us, on several occasions, that he was down to fuck, to fool around, to watch, to do whatever.

We hadn’t taken advantage of that standing invitation until one evening when we were hanging out and working through a stack of DVDs.

Mr. Austin and I were still young and impulsive. And when we got bored, we did what young, impulsive, oversexed people do in that situation. He took his cock out of his pants, and I gave him a blowjob, knowing that Bryan would appreciate the show.

He appreciated it so much that he even flashed Mr. Austin a thumbs up at one point.

There I was, dick in my mouth, a little embarrassed but enjoying how dirty it felt to have an audience, when I heard the question I wasn’t fully ready to answer.

“Should we turn this show into a threesome?”

In that moment, I realized that for all the times we talked about threesomes, we never talked about how we would do it — or with who.

Fooling around in front of Bryan was one thing. Fucking him would be something else completely. I wasn’t even attracted to him, so it’s never something I had considered seriously.

And yet, it felt like a fleeting opportunity. One of those moments where you either grab life by the balls and have group sex or find yourself in your rocking chair at 82, wishing you hadn’t passed up the opportunity to take two dicks that one time.

I paused for a while to think about it. Then, I gave the closest thing to a yes that I could manage.

“Okay. But I’d have to get drunk first.”

Bryan eagerly grabbed his car keys, said “Wait for me. I’ll get some drinks.” Then he headed out the door to raid his mother’s liquor cabinet.

That gave me a good thirty minutes to work myself up to the idea of fooling around with Bryan.

It wasn’t nearly long enough. By the time he got back, I started doing shots, knowing it was the only way I would be comfortable enough to do this.

Before long, I was sitting in bed between these two horny guys. Mr. Austin kissed my earlobe and my drunken, pliable heart melted a little. His hand grabbed my tit and my flustered feelings turned to a hot flush of horniness.

When Bryan mirrored him, kissing my other earlobe and groping my other tit, I let myself go and enjoyed the feeling of two men pleasuring me at once.

The threesome we had was memorable for two reasons — because it was my first and because it was pretty fucking awkward.

I don’t regret doing it. I got to cross something off my bucket list and I can laugh about the awkward parts now. But it taught me how important it is to really get into the idea of a threesome before having one, about working out the details and feeling excited, enthusiastic, and ready.

Threesome fantasies are extremely common, but it can be difficult to talk to your partner about the fact that you want a threesome. It can be even harder to get them on board with the idea.

Like most other things related to sex, your approach matters. Nothing will fuck up your chances like bringing it up the wrong way or not doing enough to really sell the fantasy.

Mr. Austin got pretty damn lucky. Getting your partner into the idea of fucking a friend will almost always take more than “Should we turn this show into a threesome?” Especially when you don’t have teenage hormones on your side.

Here’s the right way to suggest a threesome with a friend if you want to increase your chances of turning that fantasy into a reality.

Consider Your Friendship First

I found out the hard way that a threesome can be awkward. But even if it goes really well, it can make your friendship awkward after it’s over.

Before bringing up a threesome and trying to get things in motion, you have to seriously consider how it could affect your friendship. It’s easy to get blinded by visions of spitroasts and double blowjobs and want to do whatever it takes to bring those fantasies to life, but the aftermath might not be worth it.

Ask yourself if your friendship could survive a bit of sex or if putting the moves on your friend could make things permanently weird.

With Bryan, the friendship was fine. It wasn’t super close to begin with, but we stayed friends after that night. We kept hanging out with him. He kept trying to get convince us to fuck his girlfriends. Then, we moved to a different city and drifted apart.

We also had a threesome with Mr. Austin’s very close friend, Luke. Unlike Bryan, I was extremely attracted to Luke and the lead-up to the sex was a lot better. In the end, I got some hot, fond memories and it didn’t change things between us.

With Abby, though, things got weird. Abby was a close friend of mine who surprised me with a foursome for my birthday. It was awkward, her boyfriend got weird, and things were tense between them after.

We stayed friends but we were never as close after that. And as much as I wanted to have sex with a woman, it wasn’t worth eroding our friendship over it.

So, make sure bringing your friend into your sex life ends in orgasms and more closeness, not regret and weird feelings.

Make Sure Your Friend Is a Suitable Candidate

If you’re pretty sure your friendship could survive a little playtime (or you’re willing to roll the dice), you still have to ask if your friend would even be a suitable threesome partner.

Are they sexually open enough to admit to wanting a threesome? Could they comfortably talk through their boundaries and be attentive to yours?

Would they be down to have the kind of threesome you want? It can be hard to coordinate sexual dynamics with three people. I personally prefer men who are dominant and nurturing during sex, but I could take the lead and be more dominant with a woman. Having a successful threesome would mean finding a third who can play the right role.

Does their sexual orientation match up with the way you hope the threesome would go? If you want some girl-girl action in the mix, talking a totally straight lady into getting frisky with you won’t accomplish that (and will make one of you feel left out).

Decide on the Outcome You Want

You probably have a lot of really sexy ideas about how you want the threesome to go. But you also need to consider what you want after the threesome is done.

When you fuck a friend, you’re creating a sexual relationship with them, and you need to have a clear idea of what kind of relationship you want that to be.

Are you proposing a one-time thing where you just get to explore each other, have a wild night of fun, and then have everything go back to normal once that fantasy has been fulfilled?

Are you hoping to turn your friend into a friend with benefits that you and your partner would fuck semi-regularly?

Do you want it to turn threesomes with your friend into something that happens every once in a while, when all the stars line up and you happen to be alone together and horny?

Or are you hoping this will result in you being a true blue throuple?

This is important to figure out because proposing one sweaty night and suggesting that your friend move in and become your third is selling two very, very different fantasies.

Your partner will also probably have a lot of big questions when you come to them with this idea, and you’ll be better equipped to answer them if you have a clear idea of what you’re hoping to get out of the situation.

First, Ask About Threesomes in General

The best way to open up a conversation is to keep it at the general level. Even if you know exactly who you’d want to invite into your bedroom (or have a sneaking suspicion of who your partner would pick), it’s best not to drop names just yet.

Ask your partner if they’ve ever thought about having a threesome. Is it something they’ve ever fantasized about? Have they ever seriously thought about having one?

Get curious about the details. Ask them whether they’re into the idea of a threesome with another woman or how they would feel about a threesome with another man.

If they fantasize about it but haven’t really thought about exploring it in real life, ask them why they’ve hesitated. There are so many aspects about a threesome that could make your partner feel insecure or worried.

Often, the biggest block isn’t the thought of having a threesome. It’s worrying about how you’d react to it. They might think you wouldn’t be into it, that you’d look down on them for wanting group sex, or that you’d get jealous seeing them fuck someone else.

These conversations can help your partner open up and get comfortable with the idea. They’re also an opportunity for you to give them reassurance and make sure that you’re both on the same page. There’s no point in proposing a threesome with Jenny if your partner is clear that they’d only be okay having a threesome with another man.

Share Your Fantasies

If your partner is comfortable with the idea of a threesome, let them in on your specific threesome fantasies.

There are a lot of things that I’ve been on board with or gotten really excited about because it turns out my husband is exactly on the same page I am. When I know that he gets turned on by the exact same thing that turns me on, it makes me want to dive in and explore it even more.

And enthusiasm is infectious. Obviously, they’ll only be comfortable with a threesome if they actually want one too. But knowing just how much it arouses you can help them get into the idea even more.

Let them know what you find really hot.

Tell him you would love to have two men worship your body. Tell him you get off to the thought of being spitroasted by two cocks at once. Tell him you want to watch him fuck another woman while you’re involved.

Tell her that your dream is to have two beautiful women sucking your cock, taking turns trading it back and forth, encouraging each other to blow you eagerly. Tell her you’d love to have her ride your cock while another woman rides your face. Or tell her that you’d love the challenge of using your hands and mouth to give two women as much pleasure as possible.

I have a lot of threesome fantasies, but my biggest ones are to have another man fuck me while my husband eats me out or to go down on a woman while she sucks my husband’s cock.

Paint the picture as vividly as you can. Walk them through all the details. Let them know how your ideal threesome would go. It might just inspire some fantasies in them.

Roleplay Your Threesome

Roleplaying a threesome during sex is a good way to make it even more arousing, and it’s a good step to take before actually inviting someone in.

Dirty talk works really well for threesome roleplay.

You can keep it simple. Fuck your lady and tell her “I wish you had a cock in your mouth right now. You’d love that too, wouldn’t you?” Or suck your guy off and tell him “Picture another girl with me. Imagine us both taking turns licking your shaft, taking you in our mouths, trying to see which one of us will make you come.”

Playing with sex toy makes it really vivid, too. Use a thrusting dildo or a fuck machine to stand in as the other guy. Or watch your guy fuck a stroker and pretend he’s showing some cutie a good time.

If you can afford it, get a sex doll and play out the an entire threesome from start to finish.

Nothing sells an experience quite like getting off to it. So, do what it takes to make it as vivid, fun, exciting, and sexy as you can.

Ask Who They’d Fuck

If your partner is down for a threesome, you still have to figure out who they’d want to have it with.

Even after you’ve used a thruster or fucked a sex doll together, it might still make them feel a bit uncomfortable if you come right out and say “How would you feel if I invited Steve over for a fuck?”

Instead of mentioning any candidates yet, ask them who they would fuck. Keep it hypothetical but make it about real flesh and blood people you know.

You can ask, “If you could invite one of our friends to have a threesome with us, who would you pick?” Or even “Out of everyone you know, who do you think would be the best in a threesome?”

If you’re lucky, they’ll name the person you had in mind. But even if they don’t, you can still start a conversation that will show you who your partner could be interested in inviting, what qualities they really look for in a potential threesome buddy, and any deal breakers they have (like, “Well, it couldn’t be Sharon because I’d never sleep with anyone I work with.”)

Drop The Name

Now, after all that groundwork, you’re ready to actually float the idea of fucking one of your friends.

Don’t come outright and say “Hey, you know who I’d love to fuck?” Instead, ask them about it. “Have you ever thought about Stacey that way?” or “Is Jack someone you’d be comfortable having a threesome with?”

Yes, you’ll basically be implying that you would like to ask Jack over for dinner and double penetration. But the way you ask can make your partner feel like it’s more about them and their comfort level.

If you’re both on the same page, work out the details. How serious are you both about actually making it happen? Is it something you actually want to follow through with or is it just going to stay a fantasy?

If they agree to it, what are your worries and concerns? What do you hope to get out of it?

And of course, how are you going to approach your friend? Who is going to flirt and gauge their interest? Will you do it as a couple or draw straws to see who takes the lead?

Live Out That Fantasy

I’m not sure if I’ll ever have a threesome again.

I’d love to. But right now my husband and I have to spend our days managing a household full of young children — not exactly fertile ground for sexual opportunities.

Being a demisexual complicates things, too. I can’t just find some stud on Tinder — that’s not the way my fantasies go.

But we’ve laid a lot of the groundwork already. Not just because we’ve had group sex in the past, but because we’ve talked about it at length in recent months.

We know we’re both open. We have a good idea of what our preferences and boundaries are. If a real, actual person does come into your lives that would be a perfect candidate for a little bit of fun, it would still have to be a conversation, but it’s one that we’ve already kick started.

And hopefully the rest of it would go sort of the way I described it in this post.

Threesome fantasies are extremely common. And if you take the right approach with your partner, you might have a decent chance of making yours come true.

If you follow the advice here and get them on board, then you’re halfway to some exciting group sex. All you have to do now is sell the idea to your friend.

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