Heart-Centered Guidance | Spiritual Arts | Self-Love

How To Stop Your Self-Destructive Tendencies — Starting Now

It’s much easier than you might think

“True self-care is not bath salts and chocolate cake, it’s making the choice to build a life you don’t need to escape from.” — Brianna Wiest

Hello, beloved readers and writers. How are you this week? I hope all is well in your world. Please pop into the comments and share with the rest of us about what’s going on for you. Can we send cyberhugs, cheers, or commiserations? Let us know. We can’t support you if we don’t know how to do it.

First, a short note on the painful situation that’s knocked me out of commission for a couple of weeks. Oh, my…it has been brutal but I’ve finally turned a corner.

When it flared up, a couple of the possibilities included a potentially lethal DVT or a tumour. There were also a couple of entirely innocuous but painful conditions on the list. I was having extreme, throbbing pain in my leg, along with a rather impressive swelling behind my knee. The pain radiated into both my lower leg and the back of my thigh, and there were also issues in my hip.

I did actually see a doc (for those of you who know me well, I’ll wait till you scrape yourselves off the floor…)

(*Intermission music*)

After his investigations, I was surprised by what he said. Some of you are not gonna like it.

Turns out that even doing super gentle, I-promise-I-didn’t-push-too-hard, beginner’s yoga, I’ve trashed the soft tissue around my knee and my hip. I’ve got some twisted nerves that aren’t happy with me. Gotta say, the feeling is mutual but don’t tell them that. I fear more rebellion.

I’ve been dealing with screaming, intense nerve pain up and down most of my leg for three weeks. It has been kicking the hell out of my ability to sleep or think or be remotely useful.

I’ve gotta tell ya, there ain’t nuthin’ like nerve pain. 👹

I’ve been doing a lot of energy healing on it. A LOT. And I’m astonished at how long it’s taken to get it to the point of shifting the problem, as it usually works quickly. Apparently, I really did a number on myself, despite being extra careful and gentle.

Some of you will remember the excited piece I wrote recently on Day 3 of my latest attempt to get into yoga. If you read it, you’ll have seen that I hated yoga for a long time and despite several efforts, couldn’t seem to make friends with it. Until a few weeks ago. Day 3, I saw an improvement in strength and was so happy. It seemed to be going well.

Yeah…I had about six good days and then this happened. 🤦🏻‍♀️

My friend, a world-renowned Qi Gong Master (who taught me how to teach Qi Gong) said she has healed countless people who have gone to her with yoga injuries, some quite bad.

Let’s just say she’s not a fan of the Pretzel Club.

And now I’ve been unceremoniously and permanently thrown out of the Pretzel Club before I’d even got to become a full-fledged beginner pretzel.

I know there are some of you who love, love, love yoga and I know it provides countless health benefits on all levels for millions of people in the world. So I’m not yoga-bashing!

I also know from talking to others that there are some of us for whom it just isn’t good and/or doesn’t work. My homeopath is one of them. He said every single time he’s tried to get into yoga, he has hurt himself so badly he’s spent weeks with the chiropractor getting sorted.

Sigh. I wish I were one of those Pretzel Clubbers. But sadly, I am not.

Therefore, I’m not going to try yet again to convince my body that we like this. Or that it’s good for us. I am officially hanging up my yoga mat.

To the yoga lovers out there, I apologise for sucking at this. I admire and respect you and your Pretzel Club. But I’m sorry, I cannot be part of it.

To my fellow members of the Yoga-Hates-Me Club, don’t feel bad. It’s not you. Try Tai Chi (I do love that ever so much). No pretzels involved. Just slow, gentle, movements — like a moving meditation, and you still get a good workout without hurting yourself.

Here’s Scott Cole, my favourite Tai Chi teacher; he has loads of great stuff on his website. My faves are his AM/PM routines. They’re only about 12 minutes each and there’s more stuff on that DVD to enhance them.

Anyhooo, the good news is “Yay, energy healing!” On Sunday, the pain finally shifted in a big way.

Thank you so much to those of you who shared kind thoughts and wishes for me as I’ve been healing. I’m in the home stretch now. Yippee!

The Slippery Slope of Self-Destruction

As all of us know, at times life can be difficult. And of course, it can be much worse for some than for others, but all of us have our own challenges. How we get through them depends upon a variety of factors, such as life experience, spiritual or other beliefs, and how strong our support systems are.

One of the most important aspects of coping with stress and life’s challenges is how you feel within yourself, and about yourself. Do you feel a sense of turmoil? Are there unresolved emotional wounds eating at you? Do you feel like a failure? Hav you got a steamer trunk filled with self-esteem issues strapped to your back?

If these or similar kinds of problems are overshadowing your life, it can be easy to become self-destructive, especially when faced with the challenges that lie in your path. When you don’t feel confident and at peace with yourself, self-doubt creeps in. It’s quickly followed by negative self-talk, which rapidly turns into self-criticism and guilt.

In that frame of mind, it is a short trip to self-destruct. You wind up feeling like there’s no use in trying to improve your life. You might start thinking you don’t deserve to be happy — or worse, you deserve the difficulties you’re having.

All too easily, you can slide into choices that validate what you believe, and the turmoil and unrest continue. The unhealthy habits continue. The poor lifestyle choices continue.

It is only when you truly love yourself — for all you are, and for all you aren’t — that it is impossible to do anything self-destructive.

Take a look at your life — and your lifestyle, too. Do you consciously make unhealthy choices for yourself? Are you deliberately putting yourself in situations that are harmful to you physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually? Do you hang out with people who drag you down or adversely impact your life in some way?

Many of us do this to one degree or another. We don’t exercise. We drink way more alcohol than is good for us. We smoke or eat too much junk food. We stay in unhealthy relationships, allowing partners to belittle us or control us. We cling to “old friends” who aren’t good for us. We don’t get enough sleep. And most definitely, we don’t get enough playtime.

Can you see any self-destructive tendencies in your own behaviour? If so, perhaps a little chat with yourself is in order to try to determine its origin. You might already know the answer to that. Or perhaps you need a little help in figuring it out.

Don’t panic; you don’t have to resolve those old issues in order to move past them. You don’t have to spend years in therapy healing them. It’s just helpful to have a general understanding of yourself and the roots of your self-destructive behaviours.

Once you’re aware of the cause of your self-destructive actions (or inactions), focus on self-love. It might feel foreign and uncomfortable. It might feel downright awkward, depending on just how low your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are. So it’s a “fake it till you make it” situation.

Begin treating yourself as if you’re someone you adore, or someone you idolise. Treat yourself as though you deserve to be loved, respected and valued, even if you don’t believe it 100%. No matter how strange it feels, stick with it.

Do special things for yourself. Pamper yourself, even in the smallest of ways. Repeat loving affirmations every day. Yes, they really do work. It just takes time.

The more you do this, the more you will gradually and naturally heal the reasons for your self-destructive tendencies.

And the more you feed your soul words of kindness and compassion, the more you will begin to love yourself — as Savage Garden would say, “Truly Madly Deeply.”

For a more thorough “fix,” and one that begins to show results more quickly than by simply using the above method, you might want to find ways to address the deeper issues. There is no end to the self-help books that are available. A personal favourite is Dr. Phil McGraw’s “Self Matters.” Whatever you might think about him, that book is a revelation in so many ways. If you use it properly, reading the valuable information and fully answering the lists of questions, it is truly life-changing.

There are also countless support groups, chat rooms, and blogs where you can connect with others who are on a journey of healing. There are YouTube channels, Ted Talks, and inspiring content all over the internet.

I can assure you that whatever is at the core of your self-destructive behaviour, you are definitely not alone. And I can also assure you that healing is possible — if you want it.

The goal is to attain inner peace. This is the root of contentment, joy, and happiness. When your inner struggles have ceased, when the demons have been banished, when the chaos subsides, all that remains is peace. And from this place, everything feels easier.

And the only way to reach that goal is through self-love. This means accepting yourself, 100%, warts and all. It means speaking loving words and acting in a loving way toward yourself. No matter what.

Once you reach that beautiful place of self-love, you will be unable to harm yourself or anyone else. Now isn’t that a goal worth reaching?

The invitation: As always, I invite you to write about any and all aspects of the paragraphs above. If you’ve ever struggled with self-destructive behaviours and if it has been a challenge for you to get to a place of complete self-love and acceptance, please share your experience.

How did these issues show up in your life? How did they get there? Did you hit “rock bottom” before you were able to turn things around and learn the art of self-love?

And how does self-love look to you? What does it mean to you?

I would so love to see your poems and stories on this topic.

We are growing! Thanks so much to everyone in our Pub Family who is following, and to those of you who are contributing to HHH and SBG. I am deeply grateful to you for sharing your beautiful words, your insights, and humour.

Hope, Healing and Humour — 146

Shorties But Goodies — 233

Witchy’s pub, The Witchy One — 55

Update on Witchy’s Tarot Readings and Interviews

Witchy’s Tarot readings and interviews have been going down exceptionally well (despite her, uh…“unusual” interview questions and Tarot interpretations).

She is itching to do the remaining six gift readings, and to send her interview questions to those of you who are waiting for them. However, she needs my help with the computer and I’ve not been feeling too swift lately.

She wanted me to let you know it’s not her fault that everything is late. She’s a little sensitive to people being upset with her after what happened in the Transylvania Forest…

And as always, she has a little treat for you after the week’s submissions (below), so be sure to scroll all the way to the end!

If you missed last week’s newsletterish, here it is:

Our Latest Fab Contributions

This is Pam Winter’s response to my invitation to write on the subject of worrying what other people think — and it made me chuckle the whole way through!

Bernie Pullen shares a deeply touching story that I’m sure you’ll find as moving and insightful as I did:

Raine Lore offers a hilarious look at dating a little, um, later in life — oh, my! So funny!!

Drashti Shroff offers some food for thought about men who struggle to connect with their emotional lives:

Sahil Patel has written a truly lovely piece about some of the little things in life that make it so joyful — please take a look and enjoy the smiles it brings to your heart:

Sahil also offers a sweet poem about something to which all of us can relate:

A.H. Mehr opens up about some insights from childhood that laid the foundation for some beautiful choices as an adult:

In a short poem, Asim Nori offers some beautiful insights to carry with us, especially in challenging times:

…and clears up a couple of common misconceptions about acceptance, surrender and more in this super short piece:

Nicole Hilbig asks an interesting question of us as writers:

Nia Simone McLeod has some fantastic advice if you struggle with thoughts that derail you — and the last line of her advice is especially kick-@$$!

Carolyn Hastings shares some happy algorithm news:

IJaveria Ansari shares some thoughts on the “how” of showing love:

And here is Witchy’s latest interview. This time it was the hilarious and ever-so-lovely Raine Lore who enjoyed some entertaining playtime with our little blue friend:

And here’s Witchy’s weekly story as she learns how to live outside the Transylvania Forest:

Heartfelt gratitude to our beautiful Pub Family for your ongoing support of HHH, SBG and Witchy — and of each other. Here’s a list of our current members:

Dr Andrea Polzer Kris Bedenian Rodney Brazier Patti Murray Voncannon Carrie Kolar Croix Sather Deb Fiore Dina Alexander DL Nemeril Donnette Anglin Loren Lieberthal Jimmy Misner Jr. Judy Millar Julie Gaeta Pene Hodge Karen Schwartz James Knight Laura Izquierdo Dr. Preeti Singh Radhika Iyer Sam Branstner Sharon Sayler, Author Umme Salma Susie Kearley Tamil T Mann Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles Lion~ Wendy S. Bradfield Yana Bostongirl Jo An Fox-Wright Maddox Suma Narayan Penny Walsh Shameem Anwar Irene Fassler Sandy Peckinpah Trista Signe Ainsworth Slow train A.H. Mehr Alex Frederickson Ashley Nicole B.R. Shenoy Carolyn Hastings Christina Christine Vann, MSc. Ellie Jacobson ✍🏻 The Soulful Scribbler Isabel Young Kaz Rochford Nia Simone McLeod Nicole Hilbig Patricia Wright Pam Winter Rachella Angel Page Jodian Marie Thomas, MS, Bsc, Asc L Burton Muhammad Abdullah Kate Aries Danielle Hestand Sahil Patel Jessica Rabel Sharing Words Malky McEwan Belinda Castle Barbara Cook Tyra Jaide Megan Llorente Eko BP Drashti Shroff Evergreen Eden Bernie Pullen Hamsalekha Rhea Anglesey CARMEN F MICSA Robin Oakman Mary Vraa Libby Shively McAvoy Kristina God Niall Leah Debbra Lupien, Voice of the Akashic Records Toya Qualls-Barnette June Kirri Dawn :) Divya Goswami BichoDoMato Evon Carole Olsen Cosmin Firta Jennifer Dunne Kylie van Gelder Neha Sonney, Author Christina Sponias Ian Hanson Ira Robinson JF Danskin Patrick OConnell Mary V Elvie Lins❤️ Carmellita Roopleen Esther Friolo- Guirao Gauri Sirur Kristie Leong M.D. IJaveria Ansari Asim Nori Dipo Adebayo Andreia Damian Berthran Benaiah Jenine Bsharah Baines Jodi Marie Ximena Paz Paredes Mahein Kazi Gary L Ellis Mario López-Goicoechea Raine Lore Vishal Mehta