The Witchy One | Community Engagement | Interviews

Witchy Interviews Raine Lore on Gravity Taking a Nap, Turkey Dinner Jackets, and Naked Old People Stealing Stuff

Oh, my 🤦🏻‍♀️

Note from Liberty: Happy Sunday, Everyone!

As you may (or may not) know, our little blue witch friend is conducting interviews of our beloved Pub Family members. Today, Witchy shares her interview with ultra quirky and super funny Raine Lore.

As Witchy doesn’t have her own Medium account, she is using mine.

What do you love about writing?

I love a lot about writing. The best thing of all is the chance to make people laugh. When I write something light-hearted, I think, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if somebody reads this today, and feels so happy, that they decide life is worth living?”

I couldn’t imagine a greater gift for my writing self.

Gee, I hope that happens somewhere in the world, just because I wrote stuff down!

Witchy: That is a beautiful reason to write! I know how bad I felt when my spells were going wonky in the Transylvania Forest and all the other witches made fun of me. I was so humiliated! And my pinhead boyfriend, Vladmir the Vampire, was embarrassed to be seen with me. I didn’t feel like life was worth living.

I was so scared when my cauldron, Enchantra, and I left the Forest and came to England. I know that if I had read your funny stories, it would have made me feel better. That is a special gift for your writing self and for anyone who is happier because of it. 🎁

How do you feel about gravity?

It depends on which gravity you are referring to. If you mean the Gravity that keeps my feet planted squarely on the ground, I feel extremely grateful.

Once, in the olden days, when I was young, Gravity took a nap. I whizzed up to the ceiling and smashed my head on the ceiling fan. The fan was twirling at the time. I think that might explain a thing or two.

Anyway, the Prime Minister of Australia stepped in and declared it illegal for Gravity to take further naps because so many people needed medical attention.

I’m sure glad our PM sorted that one out!

Then there’s gravity which means, very serious. I feel a bit dubious about this one. I’m not big on being serious — there’s too much fun around.

Or, maybe you are talking about old Mrs Gravity, three doors down. I have mixed feelings about her. She has a three-legged dog that she walks every evening. I think she goes out after dark to let the dog poop on people’s front lawns. Mrs Gravity should know better at her age.

Perhaps she belted her head on the ceiling when Gravity took a nap in the olden days!

Witchy: Oh, no! I did not know gravity could take a nap! 😳 I can add it to the list of things that scare me! I hope gravity does not break the Prime Minister’s law because then it would go to jail and…oh, dear! What if everyone in the world had no gravity and we all flew up to the moon? Or what if we flew all the way to Mars or got sucked into one of those big black holes where you disappear forever and never come out? What if the whole world blew apart because gravity wasn’t holding it together and we didn’t have enough tape to fix it? And what if —

Liberty: Witchy!

Witchy: (*Needle scratch on record*) 😳

Liberty: Breathe!!!

Witchy: 🤐

What is the weirdest thing you have ever eaten for breakfast?

Oh, this one is easy!

I like to clean in between my teeth with little interdental brushes.

One day, when I had finished my Weetbix, I pushed a brush between my teeth to clean. I wiggled the handle and as luck would have it, the plastic handle came away from the tiny wire brush, which slipped sneakily down my throat!

I worried for days that I might expire due to a nasty wire brush being lodged somewhere in my intestines.

I was very pleased to survive that one!

Witchy: That is terrifying! I am so glad you survived that one, too!

My goodness, there are so many things to fear! I keep finding new ones all the time. I mean, just in this interview! I can add gravity and interdental brushes! I would have been so scared if I had swallowed one of those things!

When I am afraid, Liberty tells me to look at the bright side and find something good about what I fear. She says it makes things less scary.

Hmm…let’s see…Oh, I know! I could say the little brush probably gave your innards a good scrub on the way down.

(Letting that sink in…) ⏰

Nope. Still scary. 👹

Why do they dress the turkey on the inside? How would you dress it on the outside?

Do you suppose it has something to do with crossing the road? Like the clever chicken?

I think people push breadcrumbs and herbs inside turkeys before cooking. I don’t know about you, Witchy, but that sounds barbaric to me. And yukky.

I would much prefer to dress the turkey in a smart dinner jacket and give it the breadcrumb mix to eat for dinner.

Witchy: Oh, boy! Do you know my friend, the clever chicken who is always crossing the road? It would be so exciting if we have the same friend! I gave her a day off recently and sent her to a spa for a facial, a full body massage, and a pedicure for her scrawny little chicken feet:

I think you have a very good idea for the turkey! How would they even get his clothes on the inside? Make him eat them? That would be mean. 😳 I don’t know why getting dressed has anything to do with stuffing him full of breadcrumbs. That’s mean, too.

Especially if he doesn’t like breadcrumbs! I would not want to eat those. And not till I am stuffed! 🤢 My cauldron, Enchantra, is so nice to me. She cuts the crusts off my sandwiches 🥪 because I don’t like the dry parts.

I think the turkey would look handsome in a smart dinner jacket. And it makes much more sense to put it on the outside of the turkey than to put it on the inside.

Oh, maybe he could have a top hat, too! I love top hats, don’t you?

Which cartoon character do you want to be when you grow up?

Hands down — Goofy!

Everybody loves dogs, and I love being goofy. Win-win!

Witchy: I love Goofy! And Donald Duck. He is my favourite of those kids. He is so funny when he gets mad!

Oh, no! 😳 I just heard myself say that! I guess I am just as bad as those mean witches who laughed at me when my spells went wonky. 🙄 They thought it was hilarious when I nearly blew up the Forest and when I crashed my broom into a tree.

I did not like it. I do not think I would like it if someone laughed at me when I am mad. I do not want to be a mean witch! Hmm. I wonder where he lives. I should write to Donald and tell him I am sorry.

If you could replace all the grass in the world, what would you replace it with?

Oh Witchy, this is the easiest question ever!

My answer is, vegetables, interspersed with rows of sunflowers!

People everywhere would have fresh, free vegetables to eat, and if they weren’t particularly hungry, they could sit and admire the sunflowers.

I’m sure all that fresh air and admiring would work up an appetite.

Witchy: Oh, boy! What great ideas! Sunflowers are so cheerful! 🌻 Oh, wait. Maybe they are not cheerful. They just look cheerful. Do you think they might just look cheerful but some of them could actually be angry? Or maybe even depressed? 😭 Oh, dear! Now I am going to worry about sunflowers being depressed. There is no way to know for sure! What if they feel like they have to make people be happy when they don’t feel happy themselves? 😳

Maybe if they would cheer up if they knew they make people happy. I will tell them every time I see them from now on.🌻🌻🌻

I wonder if vegetables are happy. They seem to be. Except potatoes.🥔 They always look bored, don’t you think?

Whether or not they are happy, I love vegetables! Although I do not know how to grow them and I am afraid to try. I think I would kill them and that would be terrible! I used to be able to gather all sorts of goodies from the Transylvania Forest, throw them into Enchantra, my cauldron, and with a good dose of magic make a yummy meal.

Now the Fire Department is making me take cooking lessons. It hasn’t been going very well. 🙄 🔥 🚒

What would you do if you could make yourself invisible?

Well, that depends on if your clothes get invisible when you do, or if you would be, you know, a rudey nudey!

Imagine if you were running around in the buff, and your invisible power ran out. (Like your magic did, Witchy).

Nobody wants to see a wrinkly old prune caught in the act of pilfering a chocolate eclair from the local bakery!

Witchy: 🤭

What is the dumbest way you have ever hurt yourself?

Ohh, I go all shivery thinking about this one!

In the olden days, I was an attendant on a service station driveway. My duties were to put petrol and oil in cars, check transmissions, and clean windscreens.

One day, I went to fetch a big drum of transmission oil, which I had to push out on a trolley. I didn’t know that my toenails were poised over the bottom rim of the barrel. I tilted the drum to push it, and promptly peeled most of my toenails away from my toes!

That was the biggest ouchie ever. Don’t tell Liberty. She probably won’t like to hear about toe stories.

Witchy: 🤢 That is so terrible! Ew ew ew ew ew!! And…you are right about Liberty. After what happened to her toes, she is even greener than I am. Well, I am usually blue so with a little green, now I am turquoise. But she is actually green.

You’re sitting outside and you see a group of ants trying to carry a rather large crumb. One of the ants is clearly a slacker, not really doing much to help. Can you please pretend to be the ants and tell me their conversation?

“Antoine, I think Antony is pretending to help again!”

“Antony, put your back into it, lad! You know I’ll have to report this to Queen Anthea.”

“She’s lazier than me! Sits around all day and does nothing. Who died and made her queen of the hill?”

“Antiope, actually. Now, she was a taskmaster!”

“Antipodean! Pinch Antony on the backside, will you? Maybe that will motivate the little blighter!”

Witchy: Oh, that was exciting! I had a little mini-film playing in my head while I read that! I want to know what happens next! Maybe you should write a whole story about them! And maybe make a film, too! Maybe you could tell Goofy your idea! He’s a movie star. Maybe he could help you! 😃

What’s the worst thing to put in a pinata?

Hmm. Two-day-old pea and ham soup!

The trick would be not to fill the pinata up too much, otherwise little arms wouldn’t be able to swing a bat hard enough to break the pinata’s shell.

Imagine this! A little boy swings very hard, the pinata breaks, and pea and ham soup flies out and covers everything! Green slush would run through hair and over party clothes. I hope some lands on cranky Uncle Pete’s threadbare toupee. Tee hee.

I would never, ever, do that! NO!

Witchy: Ham and pea soup?? 😳 Oh, my!!! 🤢

What’s the greatest thing you hope to accomplish in your life?

I feel like this is a question that could be put to a beauty pageant contestant. If I was a contender for Ms World, I would be obliged to answer, “World Peace!”

That would be an awesome thing to accomplish, and if I was Queen of the World, it would be my number one priority.

However, I am only me, so I will answer truthfully.

Now that I am old, the best thing I can hope to accomplish is further breathing. Breathe in, breathe out! That way, I can wake up every morning knowing I have accomplished another day.

Yay! Isn’t that something?

Witchy: Um…yes…that is something! I guess you have to start somewhere! I am glad when I wake up every morning, too. And mostly I am glad I accomplish not blowing up the woods. 🙄

Now if I could just manage one whole week trying to cook without the Fire Department’s help…

If you would like to know more about Raine, you can read lots of her wonderful words here:

She’s made a cool video, even with animation and other neat effects for one of her short stories here:

And here is her Amazon Author Page! She has been a busy girl!

Tagging our fabulous Pub Family so you can have some fun getting to know another of our members!

Dr Andrea Polzer Kris Bedenian Rodney Brazier Patti Murray Voncannon Carrie Kolar Croix Sather Deb Fiore Dina Alexander DL Nemeril Donnette Anglin Loren Lieberthal Jimmy Misner Jr. Judy Millar Julie Gaeta Pene Hodge Karen Schwartz James Knight Laura Izquierdo Dr. Preeti Singh Radhika Iyer Sam Branstner Sharon Sayler, Author Umme Salma Susie Kearley Tamil T Mann Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles Lion~ Wendy S. Bradfield Yana Bostongirl Jo An Fox-Wright Maddox Suma Narayan Penny Walsh Shameem Anwar Irene Fassler Sandy Peckinpah Trista Signe Ainsworth Slow train A.H. Mehr Alex Frederickson Ashley Nicole B.R. Shenoy Carolyn Hastings Christina Christine Vann, MSc. Ellie Jacobson ✍🏻 The Soulful Scribbler Isabel Young Kaz Rochford Nia Simone McLeod Nicole Hilbig Patricia Wright Pam Winter Rachella Angel Page Jodian Marie Thomas, MS, Bsc, Asc L Burton Muhammad Abdullah Kate Aries Danielle Hestand Sahil Patel Jessica Rabel Sharing Words Malky McEwan Belinda Castle Barbara Cook Tyra Jaide Megan Llorente Eko BP Drashti Shroff Evergreen Eden Bernie Pullen Hamsalekha Rhea Anglesey CARMEN F MICSA Robin Oakman Mary Vraa Libby Shively McAvoy Kristina God Niall Leah Debbra Lupien, Voice of the Akashic Records Toya Qualls-Barnette June Kirri Dawn :) Divya Goswami BichoDoMato Evon Carole Olsen Cosmin Firta Jennifer Dunne Kylie van Gelder Neha Sonney, Author Christina Sponias Ian Hanson Ira Robinson JF Danskin Patrick OConnell Mary V Elvie Lins❤️ Carmellita Roopleen Esther Friolo- Guirao Gauri Sirur Kristie Leong M.D. IJaveria Ansari Asim Nori Dipo Adebayo Andreia Damian Berthran Benaiah Jenine Bsharah Baines Jodi Marie Ximena Paz Paredes Mahein Kazi Gary L Ellis Mario López-Goicoechea Raine Lore Vishal Mehta