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e the cut with the readers most likely to be interested in these stories.</p><figure id="2bfa"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*z2cqqXQ5svMTLq3-.gif"><figcaption>tenor</figcaption></figure><p id="74dc">Medium’s algorithms weight those stories for extra distribution across Medium.</p><p id="27ef">In regard to boosted stories…</p><blockquote id="cd70"><p>“(i)nstead of being the judge of what’s good, the algorithm will play more of a matchmaking role between what humans think is good and what readers like to read.”</p></blockquote><p id="aa32">Plus, almost all articles will continue to get distributed by the recommendation algorithm.</p><p id="6306">However, “engagement” (the old gold standard of curation) is not the same thing as providing satisfying reads.</p><p id="b098">This is what the algorithm is looking for:</p><ul><li>what topics a reader follows</li><li>what they read</li><li>who they follow</li><li>what people they follow read and clap for</li></ul><p id="3f52">Let’s dig a bit deeper now into the role of publications.</p><h1 id="a8b5">The impact of Community Curators and Publications</h1><p id="e337">Before I get into the FAQ section, I think it’s worth speaking about the role of publications.</p><p id="fe52">Publications will become important curators.</p><p id="df5c">At the moment there are <b>15 Medium publications </b>that are testing the Boost button and are having a major say in what gets boosted.</p><p id="3b39">In the near future, it can be any high-quality publication.</p><p id="1ae1">The owners and editors know “so much better than (Medium) what is an important read and why”.</p><p id="e7a4">For becoming a trustworthy partner, Medium will pay editors based on the number of stories they successfully recommend for boosting.</p><p id="ff37">Medium is looking for taste: “taste comes down to having the experience to know what is true, what matters, and where there is debate”, <a href="https://blog.medium.com/a-new-boost-for-top-stories-541884654fdb">Tony shared.</a></p><p id="07a4">Medium’s wish is to spark an influx of new publications.</p><h1 id="74ea">FAQ</h1><p id="ba42">These new changes are raising a lot of questions.</p><p id="a1fc">I aggregated the most popular questions from the comments, stories and official announcement:</p><h2 id="92ac">Who qualifies for this Boost?</h2><p id="dc92">Everyone.</p><h2 id="621d">Does my story have to be in a publication to be Boosted?</h2><p id="ee92">No, but it does help a little.</p><h2 id="c5e5">Which publications are curating?</h2><p id="02b4">Medium isn’t telling us yet who the 15 publications are.</p><p id="f0ed">Here’s the reason:</p><blockquote id="6304"><p>“The first is that it’s the job of these curators to find you. The second is that listing them now has a tendency to stick when we expect it to shortly be many or most publications.”</p></blockquote><h2 id="5baa">What should I write about to get boosted?</h2><p id="8178">Tony’s #1 tip: “write what you want to write.”</p><p id="3728">Since there are a lot of meta stories about Medium that are totally misguiding.</p><p id="b2b6">Here’s what Tony recommends:</p><h2 id="bfb5">Tips from Tony Stubblebine to get boosted:</h2><ul><li>writing can’t move you in any substantial way unless it can first move you to click and read.</li><li>Medium wants to reward you for writing your best stuff, but only you know what that is.</li><li>the top-performing stories had the most engaging titles, the most compelling intros, and the most entertaining writing.</li><li>attention-grabbing is not the same as useful or valuable or entertaining.</li><li>often the tricks of engagement lead directly to disappointment.</li><li>Authors who promote their articles through social media, email, to their followers, and publications are now more likely to get their articles picked up for a boost.</li><li>Medium wants to boost great writing, not great growth hackers.</li></ul><h2 id="d26a">Which posts are Medium boosting and why?</h2><p id="975d">These are the types of stories Medium is looking for:</p><ul><li>constructive</li><li>original</li><li>written from relevant experience</li><li>well-crafted</li><li>memorable.</li></ul><p id="650c"><a href="https://help.medium.com/hc/en-us/articles/360006362473">Click here to read the updated Distribution Standards.</a></p><h2 id="ba86">Is the Boost big enough?</h2><p id="5920">In the test period, Medium has seen boosts between 5

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00 views and 100,000 views.</p><p id="f473">Medium’s goal: every Boosted story should get at least 500 extra views within 7 days!</p><p id="70b0">Why?</p><blockquote id="a11f"><p>“In practice, that’s usually enough to tip a story over to a much, much wider audience.”</p></blockquote><p id="50fa">According to Medium, it’s the highest-level boost ever.</p><h2 id="edb4">Is traffic shared evenly across all authors?</h2><p id="78fb">No.</p><p id="a6da">Plus, what gets boosted changes as new readers and authors join.</p><h2 id="4f3d">How many recommendations does Medium make per month?</h2><p id="c0a4">In total, Medium makes several billion recommendations each month.</p><h2 id="9030">Can other people Boost?</h2><p id="9ff2">No other people than publication editors and owners.</p><h2 id="6f0e">Why is a Boost necessary?</h2><p id="8dff">Often authors join Medium because they want their stories to get more views and reads and to (finally) feel rewarded and recognized.</p><blockquote id="1b0d"><p>“Often, the best writing comes from people who don’t want to be audience builders. With the rise of the creator economy, these doers are often left out. Our goal is to find the best individual stories, regardless of who wrote them, and give those stories to a wider audience.”</p></blockquote><h2 id="01cc">How did Medium give the highest quality recommendations in the past?</h2><p id="cdbe">Medium had many ways to boost a story on Medium…</p><ul><li>via the recommendation algorithm</li><li>tags</li><li>newsletters</li><li>publications.</li></ul><blockquote id="518a"><p>“To give readers the highest quality recommendations, we’ve seesawed between two primary heuristics. The original model was mostly human curation, with a bias towards well-written, well-constructed, and well-supported stories. Then we swung to a heuristic that was dominated by machine learning algorithms biased toward engagement.”</p></blockquote><h2 id="fa9e">What about evergreen stories?</h2><p id="1987">Medium has already other mechanisms for boosting stories in the works.</p><p id="8e8d">Medium has started several projects to organize the best of Medium as a form of boosting.</p><p id="8310">“Evergreen writing should get boosted well beyond the day it publishes.” <a href="https://blog.medium.com/boosting-the-boost-d983f0552ab9">Tony shared.</a></p><h2 id="bcd3">What about canonical stories?</h2><p id="b7b7">Medium has already other mechanisms for boosting stories in the works.</p><p id="23d0">Canonical stories are part of it.</p><h1 id="03e9">What’s next?</h1><p id="bbcd">Getting Boosted on Medium definitely takes some effort and strategy, but it can pay off in terms of more readership and engagement.</p><p id="2b0d">Follow the tips shared above to optimize your stories for distribution and visibility on Medium’s network.</p><p id="5159">Although Medium doesn’t publish any income reports anymore, I bet a lot of writers will share how many views/reads they got and how much money they earned thanks to getting the Boost!</p><figure id="c399"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*Vzcb3tiIB5cKOJ5Z.gif"><figcaption>tenor</figcaption></figure><p id="0bf2">If you’re one of them… feel free to share your insights in the comments or send me a screenshot to [email protected]</p><p id="5bf6">Last but not least, I hope my story helped you to have the breath and no excuse to not execute and get Boosted!</p><h2 id="fd7a">Found it valuable? Want to see and know more?</h2><p id="0dc8">Sure thing!</p><p id="d2b0"><a href="https://kristinagod.substack.com/">Why not join my Substack newsletter </a>and tell me what you think?</p><div id="3262" class="link-block"> <a href="https://kristinagod.substack.com/"> <div> <div> <h2>Kristina's Newsletter | Kristina God | Substack</h2> <div><h3>Medium Blogging Tips and Tricks. Click to read Kristina's Newsletter, by Kristina God, a Substack publication with…</h3></div> <div><p>kristinagod.substack.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*1y2gGHnpmOCPEBwH)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="341f"><b>P.S.</b> I hope you enjoyed this post. If you did, please give it a clap👏 or share it with someone who might find it useful😊</p></article></body>

How to Stop Your Ex From Abusing You When You Left Him

Shifting your focus without ignoring the pain.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

My Twitter friend Kim posted an emotional thread where she admitted to coming close to “ending it all.” Her desperation’s culprit was when she felt hit like a ton of bricks by her toxic ex-husband’s remarks about her to their young son. “Why won’t he leave me alone? I am trying to move on. I just want to not be mentioned by him at all. Why is he still abusing me through my son, who now comes to me to quote the names he uses to describe me (neurotic, over-reactive, negative, mean)? It shouldn’t hurt, but it does. He is poking an open wound that I am trying to heal.”

Women know how it works when we get out of mentally abusive relationships: we think it’s over, but toxic men are not done hurting us. They persist in telling friends, family (including our children) stories about us that portray us as “crazy women.” They may have been unhappy with us, but that doesn’t mean they will close the chapter. They want to write the end and be heroes even if it takes making us villains.

Reading Kim’s vulnerable tweets and recognizing myself in it, I shared with her my technique to cope with the pain caused by a horrible ex without bottling up your feelings. Here’s what I suggested, recognizing first that it is not a proven formula that will work for her, although it’s good to give it a shot.

When I read (on social media) or hear (from people I love) my ex’s remarks about me I wish I could prevent from getting to my eyes and ears, I let those words hurt for a moment. I let them simmer. I don’t fight the ache they bring to my chest. I can take it, and I remind myself of that.

Then I write his words on a dry-erase board, leaving them there for days or weeks. I write responses I come up with on the same panel — several of them. With every passing hour and day, my replies get better and better. I read them out loud — both his words and mine. Sometimes I call a friend and read my board to them. We share our outrage, and I get words of encouragement.

I keep the board up until the words stop bothering me. Until it all starts feeling old and silly. Until I can laugh at the whole thing. And believe me, I always laugh at it in the end. It is not a “laugh out loud” kind of laughter, but a gentle giggle that feels like a pat on my shoulder from my wisdom. Now I am ready to forget about it.

Finally, I erase the words entirely. I take the time. I enjoy it as if removing makeup in the evening or rinsing my wine glass. I am ready for the next round. I would rather not have another one, but that is out of my control. I can only take every opportunity to use my strength to heal, and I do.

More from This Woman:

Psychological Abuse
Marriage
Divorce
Mental Heath
Women
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