How to Stop Striving and Start Living
You can enjoy your life now
“Oh, these vast, calm, measureless mountain days, days in whose light everything seems equally divine, opening a thousand windows to show us, God.” — John Muir
Three years ago, I was blessed with a fantastic opportunity — a weekend break to Estes, Colorado.
Having experienced chronic health conditions for the past ten years of my life, I had been hibernating and hesitant to travel much at all.
At the time, my days were a black-and-white routine: wake up, eat a protein bar, drink coffee, work, care for my son, walk dogs, lie down, do physical therapy, eat, sleep.
Internally I was always busy, creating more tasks for myself, feeling like there was something I was meant to be doing that I wasn’t. I wasn’t a freelance writer yet and was tired of being a Jill of all trades.
I needed something else and something that I could do from home. Something enjoyable, and for which I had an aptitude, and most importantly—that I enjoyed.
This was the start of a journey to courageously accept my limitations and not view them as disabilities but rather instigators of great possibility. What a difference!
But even despite this mindset, when the opportunity for a vacation arose, I immediately felt fear. What if I couldn’t handle the journey?
What if I got a migraine or pain flare?
What if it wouldn’t go away?
What if it became so severe that the E.R. was the only option?
Yet, another part of me hummed with the promise of adventure. Of a new quest, to a new place, where I could reclaim that hidden, lost sense of wonder.
And so, my husband and I took a few days off work, while my traveling, wonderful in-laws stayed with our son, and the next day, we were on our way out of the city and up into the mountains.
The trip
What followed was a three-hour journey that flew by in a flurry of podcasts, traffic, and meditation music. This may not sound like a lot, but when traveling with any health condition, more than an hour can be very challenging.
Then we arrived at a peaceful, pleasant Airbnb high up on the hills. Where cows grazed contentedly, their moos soft and almost otherworldly among the backdrop of the vast Rocky Mountain splendor. To think, this paradise was basically at our back door, with its perfect purple sunsets, lush conifers, and gently flowing creek beds.
Mesmerized by our surroundings, we sat quietly and observed. On a wooden porch, where no sounds could be heard except the gentle rush of the wind, punctuated by the cries of a distant hawk.
We drifted off to sleep in our new space. An isolated place, but which felt oddly familiar.
The next morning, we woke with no agenda, other than to see what surprises nature had in store for us that day.
Exploring
We decided to drive through the rolling mountains that surrounded the tiny town of Estes, each mile revealing yet another crystal clear river, entwined with glittering remnants of snow.
We found a place to stop in the forest and slowly got out, immersing ourselves in the world around us, also known as forest-bathing.
We felt joy at the sight of an old red barn, behind it melted snow making a makeshift creek that trickled down the mountain, welcoming in new life and honoring the trees in their majestic century-old splendor.
Excited with the prospect of a new adventure, we walked, climbed, and then walked some more.
We saw an old lean-to, probably from the turn of the century. We saw where glaciers had melted and created a majestic pool of spring water right at our fingertips.
Our muddy boots squelched as we explored, lands unknown to us and most of the world.
What respite there was in this.
And so, we walked, with our atlas and a compass, for hours and hours.
Every hill we crossed seemed to be brimming with even more spectacular beauty than the last.
Each with its own elaborate and entangled majesty, pristine blankets of untrodden snow, the brilliant blazing sun, and a resplendent river bed, that calms the nervous system with its ephemerally rush and hush.
Seeing that the sun was high in the sky, we stopped for a moment before heading back. When suddenly, I found myself filled with unlimited joy, the dancing of a spirit at one with itself, the love of life, and deep gratitude for nature in all its glory.
I felt present in that moment, and oddly, reaching the top wasn’t important. There was no big destination in this forest; all there was to do was to simply stop, be, explore, and come back to center.
Then we found a crumbling old oak log, sat, and just breathed. We filled our hearts with the beauty and wondrous magic of nature. There was nowhere to go and nowhere to be. What a way to live.
And really, what did we need to seek? It was all right here, on this hike, right now.
And as the sun slowly descended in the auburn sky, we trekked back. Our hearts much fuller, but somehow much lighter than before, appreciating every snow-soaked tree, and gently glistening snow peak, as if it were the last.
But this time, we didn’t just walk in silence. We explored, climbed, danced. We found ourselves stepping in mud, and we laughed.
And it was all simply perfect.
We walked down our final descent and laughed wonderingly as we realized that that exact old red farmhouse that greeted us was the one that saw us off at the end of the day. Somehow it looked different now, more real, more special.
We carefully crept through the creaking stone gate and sat on a nearby tree-bench, silently in peace.
The takeaway:
And now, for the first time in a while, I knew that there would always be mountains to climb, joys, and obstacles ahead.
But I was also reminded that I had wasted so much of life, striving and waiting. When really, we each already have what we need. Right now, here. It’s true.
No matter the view.
There is always something to enliven our soul and fill it with a deep appreciation for life itself.
It’s not always easy, but each layer of our life leads us to the places where we are meant to be, the things that we are supposed to do, and the people whom we serendipitously happen to meet.
As we drove home from this trip, I reflected on life, love, and the pursuit of meaning. And I realized that my ambition, motivation, and constant search for the next task were all leading me down a road that I never intended to travel.
Perhaps most poignantly, I realized that life is for living, with all of its pitfalls and promises. And so at that moment, I pivoted on my winding journey and recalibrated my GPS to forever lead to one thing: love.
Because being in nature had brought me home to myself, and in the sparse yet densely populated Rocky Mountains, where you see both everything and also nothing across the miles, I felt more aligned, authentic, and freer than I had in a decade. I felt in tune with the world and I felt breathlessly alive.
Remember that the summits of mountains will almost certainly beckon us, whispering that there is more to achieve, and there will always be even more. But we find greater peace when we relinquish that need to continually strive.
Because when we simply stop striving, our inner serenity steps forward, our iridescent spirit speaks, and we realize that all along the flow of life has existed for us, not in spite of us.
With love and gratitude, Aurora
