Four Ways to Foster Inner Peace Through Any Situation
1. Release the need or expectation for life to be different.
“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
When we are experiencing heightened levels of stress and anxiety, it can be especially difficult to draw upon our inner resources to find peace. But it is possible.
I learned this first hand.
My father died suddenly at the age of 44, and as I was driving back to my apartment after planning his untimely funeral, I was hit by a drunk driver and landed in the hospital with neck and breathing problems.
As that was happening, extended family members were essentially robbing my father’s grave, claiming his possessions that belonged to the immediate family, forging signatures on legal documents, and engaging in a nasty fight for the farmland for which my father gave his life.
On top of all of that, I had creditors calling me about farm equipment that I didn’t own, and aggressive lawyers attempting to bully me into signing paperwork, stating that I wasn’t injured. My mother also had a breakdown from our mutual nightmare and was unable to care for herself.
I went through this time in a haze, but it wasn’t too long before I started showing signs of extreme stress, which would later lead to a nervous breakdown of sorts.
I was 24 years old and the only kindness and family that I’d ever known had either died tragically or became bitter and toxic within the span of a week.
Now you might think that I would have sought therapy after all this, but I didn’t.
I was working to survive in a large city, with absolutely no support other than a boyfriend (now my wonderful husband) who I’d just started dating. I simply didn’t know any better at the time.
Before reaching the absolute end of my stress threshold, I never thought that finding inner peace was necessary or possible.
It simply wasn’t on my radar. Peace was a completely foreign concept to me.
But as I went through this shock, so grave that I had to re-teach myself how to eat, inner peace became something that I desperately needed.
If you’re ever in a similar place, no matter the extent of your stress, you realize that something in your life must change.
You realize that there is no way to continue down the same path that you’ve been traveling. It’s simply not sustainable.
And eventually, you come to understand that the stress, grief, tension, pain, and deep sadness that you feel is actually a great catalyst for growth in your life. This change is not optional, and it comes without warning, when enough is simply enough.
As Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.”
What is Inner Peace?
Inner peace is what we feel when our soul is in harmony with our body, mind, heart, and actions.
Instead of fervently trying to resist or control our surroundings, we experience a deep feeling of forgiveness, love, peace, acceptance, and compassion for what is.
For me, inner peace means that we are in touch with our most authentic selves. It occurs only in the present, because we can’t change the past any more than we can know what the future holds.
Now, conflict is a problem that has plagued humankind since the beginning of time.
If we are not in conflict with others, we are in conflict with ourselves, likely striving to meet some unattainable standard of perfection or toxic belief in “how we should be.” It goes on and on, circling our lives, creating more chaos.
But no matter what pain you are confronting in life, know that the pain originates from within you. This can be a hard pill to swallow.
It took me a long time to learn that I needed to take responsibility for my inner demons.
But eventually I had the realization that I wanted to be a peaceful person, and that, deep inside, I was fully capable of this.
I vowed to always take responsibility for myself, my actions, and my reactions, no matter how tough it may be.
I’m most certainly not perfect, and I mess up often, but my most painful lessons have served as the greatest teachers in the gauntlet of life.
But it took practice, and it still does.
Here are four ways to foster inner peace through any situation:
1. Release the need or expectation for life to be different.
We can wish and hope that things were different, but no matter how ardently we pursue this, it will not change others or life in general.
I did this for years, wishing that I had a kind, loving mother until I realized that this was only making me sad, stressed, and hopeless.
The truth was that we cannot control the family into which we are born, but we can seek out and create our own healthy family and relationships.
I also learned that “resisting what is” was taking up valuable time and energy that could be used to make the world a better place and improve my health. I became aware that it was my expectations that were contributing to my own suffering as much as anything.
That doesn’t mean that I still don’t get caught in the expectation trap, but that I am aware of it and can thus consciously temper my expectations to accept life for what it is.
For example, a car cuts you off. You could get angry, but it’s far more peaceful to say, “That’s OK. We can’t control others. We can only control our reaction and choose either anger or peace.” That doesn’t mean that what they did was right, but that we can refuse to become steeped in unrealistic expectations that only lead to internal turmoil.
What it comes down to is this: Can we change others, or the past?
No. That’s just the reality of nature and time.
People only change when they are ready to. And realizing this eternal truth can bring us great peace.
The remedy:
Think about what expectations you have in your life, such as “my house should always be perfectly organized,” or “my partner should plan more dates”, or “I should have gotten that promotion.” And instead of clinging to those expectations, embrace reality.
2. Liberate yourself from resentments and grudges.
Grudges often have an identity. With our grudge in place, we know who we are — a person who was treated poorly or wrong.
There exists a kind of purpose in this identity.
We have something that clearly defines us, our sense of injustice, anger, and being a victim, which lends us a feeling of strength and solidity. We give our grievance a clear definition that rarely goes away on its own.
In order to release our grudges and resentment, we must release our identity as the victim or the person who was wronged.
We have to be willing to embrace a new part of ourselves, one that is determined by the present rather than past resentments and grudges.
The remedy:
Rituals and visualizations can help to let go of past injustices and hurts.
For example, you could write down what someone did to you on a piece of paper, and then burn that piece of paper until it turns to ash. Scatter it to the wind if you’d like.
This is a powerful way to symbolize releasing or letting go. You can also focus on self-forgiveness in order to move forward, such as by saying, “What that person did to me wasn’t right, but I refuse to let it take up valuable space in my mind and influence my future.
And if I don’t release these feelings, that is exactly what they will end up doing.”
3. Sit still with your feelings.
We naturally shun uncomfortable feelings and emotions, and it’s natural to suppress or even avoid them.
But here’s the kicker: they don’t go away.
The good news is that, no matter how our brains try to convince us that these feelings are harmful or threatening to us, they really aren’t. They are merely expressions of our inner reality, like a great many other things.
And the longer that we suppress these negative emotions, the more that we end up feeling disconnected, chaotic, and unpeaceful.
The remedy:
Make the choice to consciously sit with your feelings without resistance or judgment. If judgments arise, let them naturally fall away.
This may not be easy at first, but like anything, it gets easier with time and practice.
With time, you’ll come to understand that your feelings are separate from your actual self, and even more ephemeral.
4. Stop focusing on the past or future, and instead be here now.
The reality is that neither the past nor the future exists in this present moment; all that exists right now is—now.
By focusing on past regrets or future fears, we completely lose sight of the beauty of the present moment. This leads to worrying, self-criticism, and nervous system overload — not exactly a recipe for peace!
I struggled with this for many years after the onset of my chronic illness. I was disabled for a while, and although I believed that it would get better, there was no timeline or promise of healing.
During my most physically painful times, I was forced to learn the power of focusing on the present, instead of things that I should have done in the past or even the hope of a brighter future.
All that I focused on was doing small things in the moment to regain my sense of self, which ultimately led to peace in the present that could sustain me during those challenging times.
Your past should serve as a stepping stone to your next success, not an anchor in which you have to stay. It’s time to get over the past, no matter how good or bad.
The remedy:
Be here now by paying attention to your bodily sensations. Are your chest or shoulders tight, or your brow furrowed? See this as a clear sign to relax, take a few seconds to pay attention to your surroundings, and get out of your head.
Whenever I start to feel stressed, the first thing that I do is pay attention to my hands, I give gratitude that they work, that my fingers can type, and that there is (usually) an absence of pain.
This also works with children; when my son is overwhelmed, I have him stop and pay attention to his hands and feet by wiggling his fingers and toes, which almost always fills us both with a deep sense of relaxation and peace.
Try your own version of grounding techniques here.
I hope that these four life lessons can provide inspiration to you as well, to release chaos and embrace harmony and love instead.
Find your inner strength and remember that change and inner-peace can start in this very moment if you allow it.
