How to Recognize When It’s Time to Let Go
Are you holding onto something that’s way past its expiration date?
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”—Ann Landers
How do we know when to let go of our attachments?
Many of us, myself included, are clinging to things that no longer serve us (if they ever did!).
You know what I’m talking about: that habit, experience, or person that expired a long time ago, but which we still keep in the deep freezer of our brain, saving it for a rainy day.
It could be the belief that, since your hair is falling out, you are unworthy and unlovable. I use this as a personal example because every year, like clockwork, I lose at least half of my hair because of thyroid issues. At first, this made me feel flawed, diseased, and unworthy.
But then, I decided to be grateful for this wake-up call that my health needed attention, and even more grateful for the universal reminder of our impermanence. Nothing lasts forever. Everything has a beginning and end.
Of course, I’m human, so this way of thinking isn’t always inherent, but I practice non-attachment as much as possible in order to reorient myself to what truly matters: letting go, being present, living in love, and serving the world.
What are you holding onto that’s past its expiration date?
Maybe it’s a yearning to be who you used to be, or a wish that someone would treat you better, or a deep desire to succeed at work.
It could be a behavior, such as overspending, exercising beyond your limits, or procrastination.
Or it could be an emotion, such as low self-esteem, living in fear, holding a grudge, or clinging to resentment.
It could really be almost anything. But I’ll guarantee you this: none of the above actions, behaviors, or beliefs feel good.
We know that attachment causes us to suffer, and when we truly examine our mental products that are beyond their expiration dates, such as negative self-talk, obsessions, or judgment, we know deep down that they aren’t good for us.
We know that our life would be better with change.
But it’s far more difficult to release the expectation that our life will somehow be different if we continue to cling to things that may have served us in the past, or got us through, but which now don’t align with who we are or who we want to be.
We’ve planted the garden, fenced it in, fertilized it, and waited. And waited. And still, nothing is growing. What can we do?
Nothing. Because sometimes we just have to be willing to really look at ourselves and our situation, and let go of that part of the garden entirely.
Here’s an example: I love to write, to rehabilitate, to research. And it used to be difficult to step back from everything when my health demanded it.
Today, I realize that sometimes we all need to slow down, or just stop, in order to cultivate the longterm goals that we want.
Instead of focusing on individual projects and sacrificing my health in order to achieve them, I think of the overarching goal of longevity, persistence, healing, and growth.
It’s no longer an all-or-nothing game, and it never needs to be.
Stepping back
Sometimes we need to keep the bigger picture in mind and get a little space from the issue.
Step back from your situation, from whatever it is to which you’re attached, and try to consider it with a larger perspective. Try getting space from it, by envisioning yourself on the top of a mountain, looking out across a vast sea of possibilities. Let your attachment come and go with the waves. Listen to your heart. What does it say?
What are you hearing about this attachment from a distance? Is it feasible, healthy, “worth it”? Or is it something that drifts farther away with each breath?
We each get to make our own determination if a given attachment is worth the mental energy and if we should keep striving or let it go. Reflecting and listening to our hearts will make it that much clearer.
Making it stick
I’ve found it helpful to release attachments by using a physical gesture. You could put a rock, an old notebook, or some other symbolic item in your hand and imagine that the object is the attachment.
Grasp it, hold onto it, think about how much you once wanted this and what it has cost you, and then open your hand and let it fall to the ground. Allow yourself to feel relief and freedom in this act.
Alternatively, you can try writing a note about the attachment, then tearing up the pieces and letting them fall away.
You could also practice giving away associated objects; not just things that you don’t care about, but things that you like.
Just remember that it is not the size of a gift, but the amount of mental attachment to which it is associated that counts. So don’t bankrupt yourself on a momentary positive impulse only to regret it later. Give thought to giving small things, carefully, and observe the mental processes that are released at the same time.
Make space
Allow positive thoughts to fill the space that you’ve created by releasing attachments. This could include more love, peace, energy, happiness, or freedom.
There are many worthwhile pursuits to consider, such as increased health and mental wellbeing, and you can also make it easier for them to arrive by letting go of any attachment to the results. In doing so, we often get even more than we would have hoped for.
Conclusion
Although we may still seek or hope that our desires are fulfilled, by practicing non-attachment, what we seek is no longer paramount in our minds.
The intense, caught-up emotions have lessened because we have let go of the past and future where attachments reside and instead accepted the way that things are now.
That doesn’t mean that we necessarily like everything that happens to us, and we may still feel disappointment, but that disappointment is healthier because we realize that loss and charge are part of life.
Over time, the attachments that previously held us back become more of a distant memory, enabling us to envision and create a healthier, more peaceful life—one less attachment at a time.
With love and gratitude, Aurora
