Relationships | Psychology
How to Spot Common Forms of Manipulation to Protect the Well-Being Of Your Soul
Psychological abuse can cause physical, mental, and spiritual illness and is extremely harmful.
I have learned over the past ten years or so that my mental well-being is equally as important as my physical well-being. As a yoga instructor, I talk a lot about staying balanced in body, mind, and spirit, but I somehow overlooked the importance of my own soul. I managed to keep my mind decluttered and my spirits high. Meanwhile, the light of my soul was being dimmed by a manipulative relationship that I was unable to see.
Nearly half of all women and men in the United States will experience psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Have you ever been emotionally manipulated?
I was in a psychologically abusive relationship for several years before I woke up and realized what was really happening. It was literally sucking the life out of me. I was gaining weight, losing muscle, losing energy, crying all the time, suffering from migraines often, and losing my hair.
“A narcissist’s weapon of choice is often verbal — slander, lies, playing the victim in flipped tales of who was the abuser, gossip, rage, verbal abuse, and intentional infliction of emotional pain. It is a systematic dismantling of another person’s relationships, reputation, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, life, and very soul. This is why narcissists are so often called ‘emotional vampires’” ~ Gail Meyers
When you are being emotionally blackmailed or manipulated, it is hard to see the signs until the obvious physical symptoms of the abusive cycle start to present themselves. Once you recognize what is happening, it is imperative for your health and well-being that you leave the relationship to protect both your heart and soul. There is no winning or resolving the situation with such an energy vampire.
Some people will never admit, or even realize, how toxic they are. They will not take personal responsibility for the pain and wrongdoing they cause. Narcissists and gas lighters are soul terrorists. They use manipulation, deceit, lies, emotional blackmail, and brainwashing to control and berate you to get what they want.
Some Common Forms of Emotional Manipulation
- Shifting Goals- moving the goalposts so that you can never achieve the criteria to satisfy them
- Changing the subject- deflecting so that they can avoid the subject when their behavior is addressed
- Gaslighting-the person makes their victim doubt their understanding of reality to the point where they feel crazy.
- Emotional abuse: The person misuses emotions to manipulate others, belittling and degrading that person.
- Passive-aggressive- indirectly negative feelings are expressed instead of talking about it.
- Evoking fear- the person plays on the other person's fears to get what they want.
- Stonewalling- refusing to talk to your partner by giving the silent treatment.
I felt I was walking on eggshells all the time in that relationship, especially toward the end. I could never say or do the right thing. He would bait me in and then bash me down, creating a lot of emotional confusion, which I later learned was a trauma bond. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. He would justify his actions, change the subject if I was making sense in an argument, shame me, and he would even play the victim.
“At some point along the timeline of being in contact with a narcissist sociopath, many survivors will come to a place where they recognize that the toxic person provides no value to their life. Toxic people have a way of completely wearing out their welcome. It’s at this point that survivors cut contact and refuse to be a pawn in the abusive game. Toxic people don’t realize that survivors authentically grow weary of the ridiculousness, find recovery from the abuse, and eventually move on without looking back.” ~ Shannon Thomas
Returning my soul to a peaceful state.
I had no idea how dysfunctional our relationship was until it was finally over, and I had moved on. When the tumultuous lifestyle ended, and I created stability for myself by blocking him, I found tranquility and order in my life. My soul was at peace again and able to shine. I returned to eating better, working out, and felt like myself. Sure enough, my hair is thick again, and I rarely get migraines.
It did not take long before someone from my past, who had asked me out many times and I had declined because I was in relationships, returned. This time I said yes. He instantly recognized the light of my soul and honored and cherished it. Wow, what a difference!
Understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
If someone is draining your energy, please, honor your soul and walk away. No matter how much you think you love and care about someone, they do not love you if they are sucking the life out of you. Someone who loves you wants you to thrive. As I have previously written, you will know when someone truly cares about you. They want to nourish your soul so that you can grow into your best self. They do not manipulate you to get what they want and drain your energy.
Emotional manipulation is psychological abuse. It is equally as damaging as physical abuse. If you are constantly fighting over the same thing without resolving the issue, if you are being isolated from friends and family, if you feel you cannot do or say anything right, if you are being cut down verbally and emotionally or have to walk on eggshells leave the relationship.
You can try counseling before leaving the relationship, but in my experience, a manipulative toxic person typically has childhood wounds that run very deep. This does not mean that person cannot do the work and heal, but it takes a lot of time and effort.
Conclusion
Love, honor, and respect yourself and be okay with being alone rather than with someone who would dim the light of your precious soul. You are worthy. You are worthy of joy and stability. Create the life you love. When you live authentically, you will attract someone who will cherish you when the time is right. Ultimately, we attract mirrors of who we are. However, we have to be careful because narcissists prey on people who make them look good, so they go after the best of the best. Forgive yourself if you were in a manipulative relationship, close the door, block, and move forward with your beautiful life.
“People need to understand that emotional psychological, and verbal abuse is severe abuse, and it affects your health and emotional well-being. Some people get so traumatized that they develop post traumatic stress disorder. Just because it is invisible to some, does not mean it is not severe, even deadly. So maybe they were not hit or beat up physically, but psychologically they were beaten down, and that has severe ramifications and greatly affects a person’s ability to function properly.” ~ Maria Consiglio
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Domestic abuse is near and dear to my heart. I specialize in emotional intelligence because I believe that by strengthening emotional intelligence skills, we build empathy, communication, and interpersonal skills and gain self-awareness. These skills help reduce bullying in children and abuse in adults.
- If you feel you are in an abusive relationship and in danger, please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–7233 or seek counseling. You are never alone.
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Peace & Light,
References:
CDC 2017
Safehorizon.org