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Abstract

p id="db15">For example, my husband put a stop to my way of trying to get our son to eat his meals and stop being fussy because it just wasn’t working. After a certain period of time of him implementing his own way of doing things, which was firmer and stricter than I would’ve liked, I started to see some changes in my son and how he would sit down to eat the entire plate of food in front of him.</p><p id="21fa">Now, Andriel looks forward to sitting down next to his parents and mostly eats his entire plate, including the veg. My husband was right, and I was wrong — at least for a period of time (because no one knows the future and kids are unpredictable!)</p><p id="60fc"><b>But my husband didn’t say “I told you so”.</b> He didn’t discredit me as a mother, even if I did question my own decision making. He understood that being wrong is not a bad thing, and also, that <b>I wasn’t “wrong” to begin with</b>. Some things work, and some things don’t work for our children. And some things work for a while and then need to be changed. And that’s OK.</p><p id="4e9d">Parenting, while continuous, is flexible.</p><p id="ec93"><a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-successfully-wing-it-d39222a3d808">And we are all winging it.</a></p><h1 id="101b">Lowering Expectations Is Empowering</h1><p id="cde5">I have this constant need as the main caregiver to simply know what to do and get it right — especially after all the research I do on many aspects of parenting. But the thing is, it is only because of my own expectations that we get upset when things don’t work out. We paint a picture of how things will go, and when they don’t go our way, we self-criticise.</p><p id="3b33">Recently, I have been struggling to make the decision of whether to send our son to daycare. Because of the recent lockdowns, I feared that he wasn’t getting enough social stimulation and he needed to spend more time with other children. We decided to send him to a local nursery two mornings a week.</p><p id="fec8">But that wasn’t my only reason for wanting to send him there. I also needed more time to really step up my game as a writer, begin marketing myself and really work on my book.</p><p id="fa4a">But I’m tired of questioning myself, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-get-what-you-want-1973fd008ecb">since taking the road to self-care</a> in order to be a better mother and person, I decided that my reasons were as good as any to send Andriel to daycare at the age of 27 months.</p><p id="d466">It has only been a few weeks, and so far, he does not look forward to going there. I feel in fact he has become shier and clingier than usual. This makes me question once again whether what I am doing is right, and whether the caregivers at the centre are doing right by my son.</p><p id="93a8"><b>I’m ready to assign blame and judge because this is what we do as people growing up in today’s society.</b></p><div id="5778" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/learning-to-enjoy-motherhood-guilt-free-966e7fa38d58"> <div> <div> <h2>Learning To Enjoy Motherhood Guilt-Free</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*o44YftcYVXjSo_va)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d0f8">But I have to remember that it will solve nothing. I need to readjust my expectations and remind myself that everything takes time and that obstacles are all part of the journey, including my son’s settling in time at daycare.</p><p id="1231">He will get there because he is a strong and sociable little boy. He will be fine because he will still have an abundance of love at home waiting for him when he gets back and throughout the rest of the week. But I cannot decide how and when he will be running happily into nursery in the mornings — that’s a picture I need to let go of, but treasure if it happens.</p><p id="b15a">Sometimes, it

Options

is our expectations that need change, not our circumstances. We have to be OK with hiccups in parenting. Rather, we need not see them as hiccups, but as part of the process of bringing up children. After all, we are only human.</p><h1 id="7806">Takeaway</h1><figure id="facf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*0ZLtDIAU40LQtOeo"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@drezart?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Andrae Ricketts</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="f3a0">I believe in a mother’s instinct, but I don’t believe in the expectation that it will be there when we need it. If that expectation isn’t met then we will be more than ready to assign blame, and it won’t help us grow as parents or as individuals. In fact, I think that the constant need to meet these expectations is what causes us to feel like a failure at some point in our lives.</p><p id="b5d4">Instead, I recommend a more supportive plan, where advice can be handed out without coming across as all-knowing and dismissive of the parent. We can learn not to feel offended at others’ suggestions in the same way that others can learn not to be judgemental. I advise that others do get involved in taking care of kids, in a non-judgemental “I-told-you-so” way when the main interest is that of the child — not of themselves.</p><p id="1680">Most importantly, we have to learn that <b>mistakes are normal</b>, and most of the time, they’re not life-threatening. We are all human after all, and that makes us susceptible to countless errors over the course of time. In modern parenting, most parents are learning not to scold their kids when they make mistakes because it’s detrimental to their confidence building. <i>We should take that same approach with ourselves and other adults.</i></p><p id="93d5">So, let’s cut ourselves a little slack, and lower that pressure to get it right. Nobody is born a parent with experience.</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/redefining-the-concept-of-happiness-16e5524c2b2d"> <div> <div> <h2>Redefining the Concept of Happiness</h2> <div><h3>How I’m learning about fulfilment from my toddler son.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6xDaJcMnjn9r6Bow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="88c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-battle-with-anger-as-a-parent-24e7837c5fac"> <div> <div> <h2>My Battle With Anger As a Parent</h2> <div><h3>Ensuring our son feels loved regardless of our feelings.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Me4slkvdZGGCbsbjqQ_7bg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c95b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-is-a-damn-good-father-de20d1ef2217"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Is A Damn Good Father</h2> <div><h3>And he deserves praise.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Oqw-YSI_IVOLn-k0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7dcc"><b><i>Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. <a href="https://medium.com/@sylviaemokpae">See more work like this</a>.</i></b></p><p id="f728"><a href="https://twitter.com/SylviaEmokpae"><b>Follow her</b></a><b> on Twitter.</b></p></article></body>

WALKING ROUTE 66

How To Make Sense Of A Coincidence

Is it luck, synchronicity, or what?

All photos by Rasheed Hooda, unless otherwise noted.

Have you ever wondered about how a lot of seemingly independent incidences had to take place for a situation to evolve into a chance meeting that neither party was planning, but both walk away with unexpected benefits.

Many years ago, I was left laughing and scratching my head after such an incident.

When the Universe Conspires for you

Or, how the heck did that happen?

medium.com

Synchronicity in the making.

Then, on this day, while walking route 66, here are the things that led me to be at that Burger King, at that particular moment.

After spending the night as a guest of Elwood Township, I headed to Willmington, where I hoped to find something in town or near the Kankakee river where I can camp out for the night. It was a short trip, a four-hour walk, and I arrived in town around 10:30 AM.

I had the whole day to find a place and figure out what to do next. After reorganizing my buggy for easy access to everything, I took a nap. At the same time, the electronics were charging in the gazebo that was in the middle of the town.

While it would have been a perfect place for me to spend the night, the location was too conspicuous, and I didn’t want a repeat of the night before. Though being a town guest again might not have been terrible, there were no guarantees.

I walked around and talked to local business owners to get a feel for my options. There seemed to be none. One gentleman told me about a place in the next town over, about five miles away, that would work for me.

It was only 4 PM. I consulted the Oracle called Google. There is a Shell station with a c-store about half a mile from where I was. I am going to stop there and refresh my water supply, then head to Braidwood and be there before sunset, with enough time to investigate.

Serendipity in action.

As I turned the corner, I saw the Burger King just beyond the c-store. I’ll stop there and grab something to eat later while I fill up my water bottles.

I noticed that the guy in front of me was wearing a Harley Davidson vest. I grabbed a balloon and made him a motorcycle that resembles a Harley.

He asked me if I’d break bread with him, but I had to get to the next town before dark. As I was packing away things, the voice within me said to go sit down with him. I hesitated because I was concerned about getting there on time.

“Trust God!” the voice said.

I sat down with the stranger, and we talked for an hour and a half. He was an Afghanistan vet, a biker, and an ordained minister who was headed to Joliet to get some parts for his bike.

Ty said that he was working on his screenplay but had hit a wall and decided to go for a ride because it always worked. He found a place to sit down and wrote a scene that came to him. It had nothing to do with the play in progress. Ty decided to get the part he needed as long as he was out, and stopped at BK to grab a bite.

When he learned that I am a Muslim, we talked about our beliefs, him an ordained minister, and me a religion teacher of Islam. He was surprised by how much we had in common. He apologized for the tattoo on his arm, which he had gotten because they told him that it would infuriate the locals. I was sitting there SMH inside, wondering if he realizes that he is publicly claiming to be “ingrateful to God”?

I explained to him later that he was not a “Kafir,” which the Westerners translate as “infidel” — but means “ingrateful” — because he was part of what Islam refers to as “People of the Book.”

He told me he could see how what he had just written fits into the big picture of his screenplay, and how the “Hand of God” arranged for him to write that, and for us to meet.

Mind Blown!

Some people may even call it a miracle.

A coincidence is a series of incidents taking place with a common goal without the awareness of the participants until it culminates. In other words, a co-incidence.

To me, it was a validation that I am here on earth to do God’s work of diffusing misunderstanding and promoting diversity as part of God’s plan. That so long as I am willing to be a Muslim (lit: one who surrenders — to Will of God), I will be taken care of in fulfilling my life purpose.

We parted company having become better people for having met. And to think all the seemingly unconnected events that had to take place for both of us to end up in the same place at the same time.

I arrived at my intended destination at dusk, and I was able to capture the charm of these photos, which wouldn’t have been possible without darkness.

I found a place to spend the night and get a few hours of sleep in a park. All is well that ends well. Tomorrow is yet another day. Life goes on, and the trip continues.

Coincidence or Co-incidence (original blog)

I invite you to tag along daily if you’re up to it. I am tagging a few friends who I think will be interested. If you are tagged but don’t want to read my stories daily, just let me know in the comments, and I will not tag you moving forward. If you are reading this and aren’t tagged but would like to come along, let me know so that I can tag you.

Michele Amy Trista Henery Timothy Tim P.G. Sherry Gurpreet Saloni Indra Sharon Tree Linda Britni Desiree Elisabeth Simona Kristin Helen Julia Rosennab Tom Truenorth Agnes Aurora LauraRaduenz Catherine Joe

As always, thank you for reading and responding.

Here are a couple of earlier stories:

I Am the Summer Santa Claus

And I didn’t even know it.

medium.com

Recounting My Epic Journey From Chicago to L.A.

Wow! It’s been four years.

medium.com

Graphic created by Rasheed Hooda using Canva

Rasheed Hooda is a published author, and a regular contributor and editor for ILLUMINATION, a writers’ community on Medium, where writers support each other.

He is a self-proclaimed weirdo who lives a Freedom Lifestyle and writes about related topics — Travel (a top writer), Personal Growth, Freedom, and entrepreneurship. (Get the Newsletter)

More about me:

An interview by Dr. M Yildiz for ILLUMINATION

Interview with Rasheed Hooda

Featuring creative writers of ILLUMINATION

medium.com

Testimonial by other writers.

RASHEED

Who Is He and What Does He Do?

medium.com

Rasheed Hooda: Weirdo or Pied Piper?

It’s a small, small world.

medium.com