Summary

The article provides guidance on recognizing a compatible life partner by emphasizing living in the present, seeking shared values, and evaluating the relationship's patterns.

Abstract

The author addresses the common question of how to know if someone is "the one" by sharing insights based on personal experience and research. The article suggests that while it's important to be practical and live in the present, one should also look for compatibility in values and goals rather than relying on the concept of "opposite attracts." It advises considering a relationship where at least 50-70% of one's needs are met and acknowledges that no relationship is perfect, requiring adjustment and support. The author recommends drawing patterns by weighing the pros and cons to predict the relationship's future and emphasizes the importance of communication, vulnerability, and acceptance of flaws for a relationship to thrive.

Opinions

The author believes that a relationship should not be based on the idea that "opposites attract" but rather on shared attributes and life priorities.
It is suggested that one should seek a partner with whom they share commonalities, as similarities can lead to more successful relationships.
The article posits that a certain level of adjustment is necessary in any relationship, but this should not be confused with compromising one's core values or tolerating unacceptable behaviors.
The author advises against overthinking the future and instead focusing on the present while being practically prepared for changes.
Drawing patterns by listing the relationship's pros and cons can help in making informed decisions about the partnership's potential for long-term commitment.
The author stresses that self-awareness and honest communication are key to understanding and strengthening a relationship over time.

How To Know He/She is The One?

Question every blooming relationship has.

I have a great bond with my childhood friend. A few days back, he called me and asked — How to know she is the one?

I have been in a relationship for more than 4 years now. I believe that a relationship needs work and communication for a lifetime.

He was in a dilemma as it was the decision of a lifetime and he wanted to be sure. He knows that girl from her undergrad and they talk frequently but he was worried that what should I do and asked me the following question —

What if my decision is wrong?
How could I know that I can share all my future decision with her?
What if her habits are not like what I feel right now?
What if we couldn’t bond together?
The question list of — what if we’re going on —

Based on his questions and his worrying face. I told him a few things to keep in mind. Remember, I am not a relationship expert. I am saying things from what I believe and what my relationship taught me. You can do your own research and follow what you believe in.

1. Live in the present but be practical

He was thinking about 10 years down the line. I told him that nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. We all humans change, based on the environment and our way of thinking.

My suggestion was to stop living in two way mindset. He was like — I like her but what if my decision is wrong?

According to research:

Learning to cherish each moment can also help improve your relationship with your partner. If you spend your time worrying about what you will do next or keep arguing about the past, you may create distance between your partner and yourself.

I said to be practical about the future but not in a way that destroys your present. It’s okay to have questions but it’s not okay to say — yes, and still be in dilemma.

2. Total opposite attraction doesn’t work

To be honest, I don’t believe in opposite attraction. In my article — “Don’t be fooled “Opposite attract” doesn’t work at all”, it says,—

We don’t attract the opposite, we attract to attributes we need to imbibe in our life from that person.

It’s okay to respect each other differences but if you have some priorities about beliefs, values, goals, or purpose in life then look for them and have something in common. According to research:

The similarity-attraction hypothesis states that attraction increases between those with similar characteristics and personality traits (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997). This hypothesis has been supported by numerous studies stating that friendships and romantic relationships have a greater success rate when they share common behaviors, characteristics, and/or attitudes (Dryer & Horowitz, 1997).

3. Look for things you want in a relationship

If you get at least 50–70% for what you are looking for then you should definitely give it a try. No relationships are perfect. It’s a bond where one person has to give more when the other is down.

You will never get everything you want in any relationship. You need to adjust and be okay with some flaws.

Adjustment is not a compromise, it’s the support you give each other to respect each other differences.

Go where you can manage each other weaknesses and red flags. If those red flags are about — alcohol, smoking, or any other things which you can’t tolerate then you need to think about that relationship twice.

4. Draw the pattern by figuring pros and cons

If you are struggling for the right partner, draw the ups and downs and figure out the graph. This may help you to look for patterns in your relationship.

According to research by psychology today they have found certain patterns where relationships thrive:

Spending too much time with friends, fighting or just being too different could nudge commitment to wed down. Conversely, meeting the partner’s family, spending a lot of time together, having a lot in common and receiving positive feedback from friends or family could make commitment to wed rise.

So, if you are looking for a commitment then draw those patterns by yourself and follow what your instincts say.

Conclusion

Relationships need communication. Ask questions and don’t live in misunderstanding. To make it work, be vulnerable and accept your partner's flaws.

I believe the relationship becomes stronger as the year passes by. So, in a week or month, don’t be in a mindset that your bond will get stronger. Give it time and understand that nobody can say that — he/she is the one for you. People may help you to figure out your questions but the answer lies within you.

You have to figure that out by asking questions and knowing the pattern of your relationship. Follow your heart but review the basic practicality.

Join my email list to get valuable content in your inbox whenever I publish. Enjoy unlimited reading on Medium by becoming a Medium Member here. I will receive a small commission if you sign up using my link.