Don’t Be Fooled “Opposite Attract” Doesn’t Work at All

Get the reality check and stop dreaming.

Do you believe the Opposite couple works?

If yes, then you are wrong. My friend recently broke up the relationship after stressing over things that weren’t similar.

Studies show that 80% of people believe opposite attracts and they make a good couple but it’s a myth.

According to Standford business article:

Both science and intuition suggest that we choose our friends and romantic partners because we share things in common, such as age, educational level, race, religion, attitudes, and general intelligence.

In short, you attract the person who is like you and who understands you. The study by the University of Kansas says,

You try to create a social world where you’re comfortable, where you succeed, where you have people you can trust and with whom you can cooperate to meet your goals.

All these are the traits we look for in our partner and here are few things you need to know when you start a friendship or relationship with opposite poles:

#1. Don’t be in a mindset that they will change

When people start dating all is good in the beginning and think that, the person will change as time passes and it will work out.

But people don’t realize that — change is difficult.

For example, My friend was dating an atheist and though they were in love over time she realized it was impossible to stay with someone who has no spiritual background.

Things you to understand is:

If you have some main priorities in life about your career, purpose, spirituality, or goals then you need to discuss that. If there are habits that don’t align then you need to either accept them who they are or you need to think it twice and then make a decision.

Changing partners will lead to problems and cause a distance in relationships as you are constantly trying to change their natural habitat.

Either whole accept the situation or talk it out otherwise it is going to be worse in the future.

#2. Reality hits when expectations went down

According to John Gottman, the psychologist and relationships expert says that 69% of issues of couples never get resolved.

The problems keep widening because two people have different views on the same topic. For example:

• One partner wants kids other doesn’t.
• One wants to settle abroad and start a new life and the other doesn’t.
• One strives for more money and the other is happy with the basic flow.

Everybody has a different purpose and goals but at the same time if you are dating the opposite person. It is very hard to accept everything because you become stressed, anxious and start suppressing your happiness for them. As you are constantly striving to accomplish their needs even when you don’t want to.

This means you do things without mutual dependence and over time it gets worse.

Things you need to understand is:

In relationships, both partners should work in tandem. It means there should be more positive communication, approvals, or a middle-ground approach to maintain.

The relationship and communication professor Sean Horan of DePaul University in CNN article says that — successful couples are those who share a similar background.

It’s important to understand that we humans connect with people who have the same taste as us and that’s where things are going to be okay.

#3. Misunderstood concept of similarity

Your partner could have different tastes in clothes, food, music, or something else, which is perfectly okay.

As no two people can be alike on this earth. Everyone has their own way of living life. As there are different kinds of introverts and extroverts.

In the book — Family Fit: Find your Balance in your life. The author John Mayer says, we attract opposite people because we admire their qualities. The important thing to note here is — we attract their qualities and that we need to build in ourselves.

The thing you need to understand is:

We don’t attract to the opposite, we attract to attributes we need to imbibe in our life from that person. For example,

• You love the public speaking approach of someone.
• You want to learn how they manage to be consistent.
• You want to be confident and travel solo as they did.

All these things you crave and you want to learn from them. So, there are always things in common. In short, your partner can be of different interest but the values, qualities, beliefs are quite aligned to your needs.

#4. Choosing a partner comes with an accuracy

In your eyes what is an example of a perfect partner?

It may be someone taller, successful, or the one who aligns with your goals. We always chose someone similar to our parents, or the way we look at life.

Choosing a partner is not easy we think twice before getting in. I don’t believe in love at first sight but I do believe we attract people when we see some of our reflections in them.

The thing you need to understand is:

Chose someone with whom you can be yourself and where you feel liberated.

If you are in a relationship where you are constantly trying to impress others and hiding your true self behind the mask then something is wrong.

That’s why it is said that we always look for partners who are similar to us and we crave a place where we can be safe and comfortable.

According to an article by Psychology Today:

these are the factors that appear to predict relationship success—couples with more similar attitudes, values, and backgrounds tend to experience more lasting satisfaction, companionship, intimacy, and love and are less likely to break up.

This means the couple will stay longer as there will be fewer fights and more agreement on things.

Conclusion

I believe in the phrase — “Birds of a feather flock together”, and not in “opposite attracts”.

I have seen breakups of my friends who dated the opposite guy and I saw what they went through.

Even from my personal experience, I believe the opposite never attract. It literally makes you lose your true identity as you get trapped in a loop of suppressing your needs and feelings.

To be honest, the relationship should be a place where you feel at home.

But one thing to remember is — every relationship needs work. So, you need to put in work to make it work.

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