10 Discussions Every Couple Should Have Before Getting Married

Truly communicate, it’s that simple

Marriage is a blessing but many people enter marriage with wrong expectations.

Relationships aren’t like fairy tales. It needs work and to be honest, we all are in the same boat. We all have some issues with our relationship and it’s perfectly okay to have them as we all are imperfect human beings.

For me the weekend is like being at home, chilling, and watching a movie with my partner. I want space and my “me time” to recharge. When I discuss this with my partner he agreed and was cool with it. But suppose if your partner is opposite and likes to go to parties and clubbing then you need to discuss it out and find your solution.

Love alone is not enough, and that’s why before entering into marriage have an honest conversation with your partner. Ask whatever comes up in your mind, discuss even if it’s hard because it’s beneficial for the long term.

Here, are some straightforward discussions to do before entering into marriage.

1. Bills

When it comes to bills — know each of your shares. Specifically don’t hide it as sometimes one partner hides a purchase because they think their partner won’t approve it. Sharing bills doesn’t mean that you should share 50/50. It means you need to discuss and know what each one can put on the table.

Overtimes money becomes the biggest issue in marriage so talk about it beforehand. Money discussion can be hard but you need to communicate about:

• Sharing expense from a joint bank account, different or both?
• Discuss taxes, credit bills, and every other bill of each month?
• What can be done after the bills have been covered?

In short, talk about every money question you have.

2. What according to you is cheating?

Know this answer from your partner as everyone describes cheating differently. For someone, kissing can be cheating. For others having emotional and physical closeness can be considered cheating. So, ask it, and if it happens, know how you both can deal with it — maybe by communicating or patiently listening to the reason behind it.

3. Debt

How much debt do you have? How we can pay off? What we can do to pay it off?

As we can’t put pressure on the timeline of paying it. Discuss it and find your solution and help each other instead of quarreling after marriage. Even discuss the marriage and honeymoon finances. As research says:

Nearly two-thirds of all marriages start off in debt. Forty-three percent of couples married more than 25 years started off in debt, while 86 percent of couples married five years or less started off in the red — twice the number of their older counterparts.

4. Religion

If you practice some religion and believe in faith, then do you want that your partner should equally practice with you? How that religion changes your lifestyle? If you want kids, then by following which faith and religion you want to raise them?

5. Childhood traumas

Many people go through childhood traumas like abuses, accidents, toxic parents, mental disorders, or anger issues and at times those wounds leave some long-lasting scars in their life. In this situation you must help your partner by recovering it through:

• By believing in them
• By not taking things personally
• Having a resistive desire to fix them
• By having healthy communication repeatedly
• By giving them the support they need
• Participating in medication

This healing process journey will strengthen your bond but in this overwhelming process do take care of yourself as well.

6. Sexual Expectations

Sex before or after marriage whatever you believe in but talking openly about sex with your partner is important. Ask what they like and dislike? What are their fantasies? For some — sex a few times a week is enough, and while for others, it’s the opposite. I am not here to tell how many times sex you need to do each week or month. You and your partner need to decide by knowing the sex drive of both of you.

7. The name, The name

What family name is to be given? Is it okay if one spouse doesn’t want to change the last name? If it’s okay then, what surname will you give to your kids if you have in the future?

8. Kids

Do you want kids? How much? For me, I need kids, and suppose if my partner doesn’t want it then it won’t work in the long run.

Kids in the family come with their blessings and but you need to communicate. As the cost of raising a child in the US according to research is:

On average, middle-income parents will spend $284,570 by the time a child turns 18.

So talk about how you are going to raise them? How much investment do you want to do, for them? What manners and values you are going to address to them?

9. Family Health History

My aunt was having diabetes. Now, after so many years of marriage, she recently found out that her 15-year and 18-year kids also got affected by diabetes. There was lots of chaos and running in and out of the hospital but everything is good now.

This made me realized that we should know the family history of our partner so that we can take precautions beforehand by consulting a doctor. You can check out this checklist by CDC.

10. Career and Education

A career is the backbone of our life. If both of you are working then discuss how you can achieve your dreams and fulfill each other bucket lists? What if one person wants to quit and start with some new startup? When one wants to take a break from a career and take it slow? When one wants to look at kids and be at home for few years?

11. Bonus: Know the love language

My love language is respect and time. For you, it may be different, for your partner it may be something else. So, talk about it and know your partner's specific love language so that you both feel loved by caring for each other.

12. Bonus: Everything else that comes to your mind

List of other questions.

• If one partner gets an amazing job then will you both willingly relocate there?
• What’s the deal with the exes?
• When one partner is planning for further education?
• How to deal with unexpected tragedy?
• How to help parents in their old age?

Ask, ask and ask. Don’t be in a dilemma. Ask your stupidest question as well, even when you think that your partner will judge you. If he/she judges, you will know what their thoughts are. Have a rough argument but get answers to all your questions that you have in mind.

This is my list of questions, hope this helps you, if you have some more questions do ask your partner and have a real conversation without any lie.

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