6 “Normal” Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

This is how a real relationship works

I am an introverted person but with my partner, I am an extrovert.

On the other hand, my partner is an introvert. He needs time and space. He isn’t ready to fight at any moment.

The thing with me is — If I found something wrong, I become vulnerable. I speak up at the same moment, and at that time he isn’t ready to fight for that issue. I used to feel bad at the start, but later on, I understood his body programming is different. He will be silent at that moment but he will come back to resolve that conflict when he is ready.

So, you must give time to your relationship. It’s not like a fairy tale story that you see in the movie.

Just understand that all you need is trust, respect, honesty, kindness, and openness to achieve anything in your relationship. Don’t fall into the social media trap about how relationships should look like. Here, is my list of how a normal relationship works.

Going to bed angry

I have read so many articles specifying that you should solve your fight before going to bed but it’s not always practical.

Sometimes you may have a commitment for the next morning (for meetings, kids, or work). So, it’s okay if you go to bed without solving because many times even I go to bed without working on the conflict to take a break from my emotions.

As at the time of debate we already have our temper high so it’s best to take a pause and resume the discussion the next day.

According to Psychology Today article — it says sleep on it instead of resolving the fight.

Never go to bed angry” might be one of the worst pieces of old-time wisdom. People tend to feel more negative emotions and react more strongly to negative events when they are tired. So finding yourself fighting late at night—when you should be sleeping—is a recipe for disaster.

Feeling attracted to people outside the relationship

It’s natural and inevitable.

Humans tend to get attracted to impressive things and it’s perfectly normal only the problem comes when we take action on those feeling by actively flirting or pursuing them.

As Mark Manson recalls us:

We can’t control our thoughts and feelings, but we can control our actions.

When we choose not to act on them, thoughts and feelings pass through us like waves and leave us with our partner very much the same way they found us.

Not sharing things 50/50

Sharing everything equally in every arena is impossible.

The internet world says you should put an equal amount of work into your relationship. The work may be running the house, finances, or saving the relationship but giving the same amount of participation is unrealistic.

You and your partner are different individuals and at times you need to understand that one person has to pitch more than the other due to situations and wellbeing.

According to cru.org article:

On the surface, the 50/50 Plan sounds reasonable – why shouldn't both spouses pledge to do their part? But in the end, it won't work, for a number of reasons:

— You can never meet all of your spouse’s expectations.

— Inevitably you focus on your spouse’s weaknesses and failures and lose sight of your own.

— It’s impossible to know when your spouse has met you halfway.

Disliking your partner someday

I have negative vibes for my partner someday and I bet even you go through the same feeling.

According to Psychology Today Article —

So people feel both positively and negatively toward those they love. What these findings suggest to me is that this is a normal part of close relationships and that feeling negatively towards your partner does not mean that you are doing something wrong or that you are in the wrong relationship.

So despite the overwhelmingly positive pictures posted on social media of all your friends’ happy relationships, know that there are days when they too would happily plop their partner into the same category as garbage.

So remember it’s okay to hate your partner someday and it is perfectly normal because that is human nature and you can’t alter the human body programming.

Willing to compromise for your partner

Good Compromise leads to healthy relationships.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying you should give up your needs and wants for it. There is a difference between a compromise and a sacrifice.

You should opt for a healthy compromise and that means you are filling the gap by understanding and working towards it as a team by targeting a particular motive in mind. For example, you can have an effective compromise in:

• Time together Vs. Apart
• Making fair travel plans
• Understanding each other arguing tone
• Money talks
• Sex talks

This compromise road may be hard but it will lead to a better future, strong relationships, and individual happiness.

Arguing with partner

Every couple argues.

Arguments in relationships are healthy. As it makes us communicate more and let us understand each other feelings. According to Florida State University — expressing anger with an honest conversation leads to a valuable relationship in the long term.

Keep these 4 things in mind when you argue with your partner:

• Look at an argument as an event that can grow your relationship and not as a threat.
• Listen to your partner by understanding their perspective.
• Be flexible and that means be ready to bend with the situation.
• Don’t come to the argument by picturing the conclusion or expecting how things should turn out.

According to Psychology Today remember this when you start arguing:

No matter what your assumptions, it is important to stop and think about your needs, a partner’s needs, and what you need together to keep your friendship or romantic relationship alive.

All these 6 normal relationships habits are from my perspective. This is what I feel and it’s not a rule book that describes how a healthy relationship works as every relationship is unique. But you know your relationship better than anyone else. So, you need to decide what to follow and what not to follow my mutual communication.

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