How to get to know yourself.

Improve your self-awareness skills.

Growing up, one of the things that I struggled with the most was being self-aware.

At one point in my early adulthood, I felt very disconnected from my emotions and, therefore myself.

It was a really scary place to be in because I felt I didn’t know who I was or what I stood for. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has or is struggling with this.

I’m sure right now there’s someone unsure of who they are, and a huge part of that comes from not being in touch with yourself.

So, to help those of you who may be like me, and self-awareness doesn’t come easily to you, here are a few things I do that have helped me understand myself better and reconnect with my emotions.

Do not, I repeat, do not avoid feeling your feelings.

Once I allowed myself to feel all of my feelings, not just the good ones, I began to feel normal again.

I felt a part of myself was no longer missing.

First, let’s get some misconceptions out of the way. All your feelings are important, ALL of them.

They send a message of what’s going on inside you.

Just like how a stomach ache signals to you that your stomach is not doing well, your feelings tell you whether you’re mind is okay or not.

Whenever you feel happy or sad or frustrated, lean into that feeling, don’t shove it down.

Allow it to pass. Go outside if you can or a private space where you can vent out whatever it is that's going through you.

In some circumstances, you can’t react right away and need to keep your composure, but once you’re alone or with someone you trust, allow yourself to be angry, cry, etc.

But don’t let shoving your feelings away become your default.

I did that for years, and it took a huge toll on my mental health.

Check in with yourself regularly.

Ask yourself ‘why’ all the time.

‘Why am I feeling this way’ is one of the questions I started to constantly ask myself per the recommendation of my counselor.

Right away, she knew there was a disconnect between me and my emotions.

Her telling me to constantly check in with myself and ask what was going on automatically put me in a state where I had to sit with my feelings and figure out where they were coming from.

Doing this to this day has been a huge help in settling my mind and, more importantly, dealing with conflict.

I’ve learned to see my feelings as a symptom, a reaction, and to explore my mind to figure out how come an interaction or event left me feeling a certain way.

Once I get to the bottom of it, I breathe a sigh of relief because I understand how come I was bothered or triggered.

And once you know why you’re upset, you’re able to work through that, whether alone, with a partner or trusted friend, or counselor.

Journal.

Journaling was a huge help at the start of my journey.

One of the best parts is I have records that I can go back to and see how far I’ve come.

Writing down your thoughts and getting them on paper can help you sort through them, organize them, and, ultimately, make sense of them.

When you’re disconnected from your feelings, you feel out of control and out of sorts because you don’t understand why you’re feeling the way you do.

Getting those thoughts on paper can help you arrive at an answer, kind of like solving an equation.

You have to write down all the different variables and work through them one at a time.

I cannot explain the relief, the calmness that washes over you when you finally figure out why something is bothering you.

It’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle.

The more you do this, the easier it will become to deal with your emotions and reactions on a day-to-day basis.

If one day you wake up feeling off, instead of getting frustrated as to why, you’ll have a way to understand how come you’re not feeling like yourself and give yourself the grace to allow that feeling to pass.

Many times, we get angry with ourselves because we can’t control that. And I believe some of that anger comes from the frustration of not understanding ourselves.

So, take some time every day to sit with yourself and your emotions. Keep a notepad or some form of paper and pen available at all times.

There have been some really tough situations that I’ve faced, and when I first started writing down how I felt about the situation, it helped me figure out why I was so upset and also the best way to respond.

I hope these recommendations are helpful. The good thing is these are nothing revolutionary, so you can start doing some or all of these today.

If you’d like to add any other recommendations, please do! Let’s help one another in this journey.