How to Drop Your Old Stories

It’s time to adopt a fresh narrative

We identify with the stories we tell.

We think we need these old narratives to know ourselves. We talk about our relationships, our family, and our profession as if these things define us. Maybe they have, but do they now? Maybe they’re part of your past, but are they now?

Here are some examples:

• Your ex-boyfriend who couldn’t stay sober. You still love him. You have imaginary conversations with him sometimes because you miss him.
• Your long-distance, would-be lover from high school who’s emotionally unavailable. You think he’s an addict or hiding something. But maybe he’s just not into you anymore.
• Your diseases, your disorders, and the labels attached. They help you explain yourself to others. They define you.
• Your mentally unstable mother who relentlessly badgers you for years. You avoid her and maintain strong boundaries.

People listen to your stories because they see themselves in you.

They want to confirm who they are, through their history and yours. As a storyteller, I’m intrigued by the process of the telling. Once told, the story holds less depth and weight than it did when I held it inside.

If I hang onto my story long enough, it feels integral to my existence. I put it there so I’d have something to hold. But I know when the story starts to stagnate. I get tired of retelling it. It’s not as important to rehash the details.

That’s because we aren’t our stories.

You are much more than your history, your traumas, and your labels. Stop attributing your present situation to your past experiences. Sure, you’ve learned from your past. But it’s time to move on now.

These false narratives are sneaky. We think they control who we are now. But they don’t own you. You have a choice to introduce new stories. Drop the old, and you create space to grow.

These stories are like pair of your favorite, worn-out shoes. You’re stuck down in the trenches, unable to notice you’re holding onto your ex who kept you there.

And when you hold onto the now imaginary tale of who the two of you could be, you invite yet another unavailable man into your life. You do this because you’re living under the assumption this is still your story.

It isn’t yours anymore. It’s disappeared into the mud with those men. No matter how long you try to entertain the notion, it’s gone.

How do you drop your false narratives?

Share your personal stories

Sharing our stories will inevitably help you and someone else. The act of sharing can be cathartic and important, as long as you don’t cling to it. Write essays or tell someone who may benefit. You’ll intuitively know when you need to share with someone else.

I’ve shared my recovery story in front of groups of AA members for years. I’ll continue when asked since it’s an act of service. But I no longer rehash my drunken escapades. They’re often referred to as “drunk-a-logues.” Most folks with long-term sobriety discourage them since they don’t offer a solution.

I briefly tell newly sober people what it used to be like for me. It’s a useful reference for someone who hasn’t yet experienced recovery. I quickly move on to my experience in sobriety, though. I want others to know they don’t have to hold onto old stories, either.

Take note of how you feel during and afterward. If it feels like a chore, you’re done. You can stop telling this story now.

Make a conscious decision to release them

Fresh narratives come when we release the old ones. Gravitate toward whatever matches how you feel, and your stories will change.

It’s actually quite simple to get unstuck. You only need to make a choice to stop engaging with it. I understand the desire to nurture and coddle them, to own old stories about ourselves. But it’s essential to our well-being to say goodbye. You need to move on. Remember, you can’t fully embrace new experiences if you’re holding onto old ideas.

Notice when they try to intervene or when you entertain them. Ask yourself, “Is this true for me right now?” If not, make a choice to see from a different angle.

It’ll take time to adjust. You’re accustomed to explaining yourself in a particular fashion, possibly for decades. But you can change your mind anytime.

Practice living in your new skin

You’ve trained others to recognize you as a certain type of person. You’ve trained yourself to act in a particular way. It’s time to practice new behavior that matches who you are now.

Drop your labels, your old, drawn-out dramas, and unreasonable people. You’ve often invited these folks into your life. If you keep repeating patterns, break them.

It’s time to take control over what and who you’re inviting in. Practice by pretending you’re already living your new stories. One day you’ll notice you’ve shed the old stuff you didn’t need. It’s no longer exhausting to think of them because they’ve lost their hold. Practice living in the present moment.

Final thoughts

We’re growing and changing every day. Our identity doesn’t have to be defined by the stories we’ve told ourselves. You can exchange one narrative for another that fits you better.

Go ahead, drop the story of who you used to be. You’re ready to step into the sunlight and appreciate a fresh perspective.

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