Relationships & Mental Health

How to Attract Loving People with Self-Love to Our Lives

An empowering mindset and cognitive perspective on our mental health and relationships

Introduction

Believe it or not, our mindsets, attitudes, and cognitive perspectives determine the type of people we attract to our lives. While one mindset keeps us in the light, another holds us in the dark. Mindful self-love opens the door to loving people to enter our lives.

Yesterday I wrote about self-compassion within the mental health and spirituality context. This post is a continuation of the story from a different angle. Now, you might ask, what does self-compassion have to do with attracting positive people to our lives?

At first glance, there seems to be no relationship, as self-compassion is all about a person loving herself. However, when we delve into details, we can see subtle yet powerful connections and relationships. So, I attempt to provide some insights from my experience and observations using thought experiments. I met people who attracted different kinds of people to their lives.

I will post a follow-up article later with scientific backing from my literature search for a different audience interested in studies on these complex psychological constructs. This is an introductory post to create awareness of this important mental health matter in a simple article.

How to Attract Good Things and Loving People

The law of attraction is a controversial topic as it is misrepresented and thus misunderstood by many people. Some people believe that by just thinking, without deliberate action, things will come into our lives. And these people face disappointment and lose faith in the law of attraction. Thus they stay in pessimistic mode. The law of attraction is a universal phenomenon in relationships.

Attracting good or bad things in our lives is undeniable. For example, some of us attract wonderful things and great people to our lives, inspiring and uplifting us. But, unfortunately, some of us attract terrible things, miserable and toxic people putting us down. While some of us experience excellent relationships, others suffer badly from dysfunctional relationships.

From my experience, observations, and reviews, the law of attraction is orchestrating our thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, and actions to create coherence in life mindfully. This orchestration includes our brain, body, and soul.

However, the heavy lifting in this process is supported by the brain. Whether broad or narrow, our cognitive perspectives are the determining factors for producing pleasant melodies or disturbing noises. Emotional maturity with a well-functioning limbic system is critical for establishing good relationships.

Imagine a person with self-love and another person with self-hatred. Think about each person at the two ends of the spectrum on how their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and actions are created. If these two people have the same circumstances, each of them will produce different results.

Here is a statement that might sound strange, but it reflects reality. We won’t know the real sense of life if we don’t love ourselves mindfully because love adds real meaning to our lives. When we don’t have this meaning in our mental capacity, it can be challenging to love others and attract them to our lives.

In other words, self-love is essential to be able to love other people and attract them to our world. Acceptance or denial of reality is one of the fundamental factors determining the experience of self-love and self-hatred.

For example, imagine two people are both overweight. One accepts the reality of being chubby and approaches her situation with self-compassion. And another denies the fact and looks at the problem with animosity toward her body.

The thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs, and actions of these two people will be entirely different. It is not very difficult to know that both persons will produce different results. It is common sense. One will create a loving inner space; another is a space full of criticism and despise. One will act in the light, another in darkness.

Our mental states play a critical role in choosing our actions. When we have an optimistic mental space, we gain a broader cognitive perspective with metaphorical light. Thus, we embrace reality and connect with others more meaningfully, usually in a giving mode.

Giving can uplift our mood. People are attracted to other people living in good moods. When I was in a flow and euphoric state, I attracted more loving people and wonderful things to my life.

When we have negative and pessimistic mental space, our cognitive perspectives get narrower. We feel irritated and agitated by even minor negative impetuses and stimuli. We tend to deny reality and have difficulty connecting with others. Our scarcity mindset can keep us in the receiving mode.

These two modes (giving and receiving) are critical factors in attracting people to our lives. People in generous giving mode reflect an optimistic outlook, whereas those in constant receiving mode with selfish expectations usually reflect pessimism.

Those in selfish receiving mode get disappointed when they don’t receive what they expect unrealistically. Reciprocity is a crucial factor in attracting loving people to our lives. Meaningful connections based on reciprocity are ideal for magnetizing people we want to attract into our lives.

The Role of Optimism In Attracting Good People

Have you ever wondered why optimists live longer than pessimists?

I thought about it a lot. Even though research has proven the longevity aspect, researchers are still unclear about the reasons. I hope further research can shed light soon. I theorized some reasons from my experience. Here are the three key reasons, in my opinion.

1 — As an optimist, who once was a pessimist with a narrower cognitive perspective, I believe that optimists can regulate stressors more effectively using a broader cognitive perspective.

2 — Optimists can orchestrate their lives coherently using healthier thoughts, emotions, and actions turning into empowering habits. Stacking and tracking healthy habits can reduce physical, mental, and emotional stress, increase productivity and enhance life satisfaction.

3 — When I was a pessimist, I worried and ruminated on past events and futuristic concerns. I got stuck and couldn’t produce viable solutions to my problems. Rumination is an unhealthy habit that I plan to touch on in another article.

People with self-love and self-confidence in the optimistic zone can take positive actions to nurture themselves. On the other hand, people with self-doubt and self-hatred, with pessimistic thoughts, tend to choose unhealthy options and self-harming activities. So, you might guess which type of people will attract what type of people to their lives.

Conclusions

By being self-compassionate and loving ourselves, we get compassionate to others and love them. When people feel love from our end, they get attracted to us. Mindful self-love opens the door to loving people to enter our lives.

As I mentioned in this story, self-love, and self-compassion are not self-pity, complacency, selfishness, or narcissism. The core value of self-compassion is to challenge the critical voice inside us by acknowledging our thoughts, feelings, and emotions mindfully at present and acting accordingly.

For any reason, if you haven’t experienced self-love and self-compassion yet, just imagine how it could feel if you had compassion and loved yourself as you are. Self-compassion does not mean ignoring your negative emotions but means acknowledging them without obsession. With self-love, we can be more resourceful in solving our problems.

A mindset broadening our cognitive perspectives can attract more loving people. In contrast, a mindset narrowing our cognitive perspectives can repel lovely individuals who have the potential to add meaning to our lives.

Many loving and lovely people started entering my life when I learned the importance of self-love, self-confidence, and self-compassion and aligned my cognitive perspectives with a growth mindset, mindfully giving first without expecting the return.

The effect was enhanced when I chose optimism, believed in the good in others, and focused more on positives rather than negatives in a realistic sense. Our mindset is the most powerful tool to attract the people we desire in our lives.

Thank you for reading my perspectives. I wish you a mindful and joyful life. I dedicate this story to loving and lovely people who add meaning to my life.

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