Not All Mothers Love Their Children
How Mothers Abuse Children?
More mothers have killed their children than biological fathers.
I am not proud to say this, but I know women who have emotionally abused their partners. I also knew women who are emotionally abusive towards their children. These women used the children as weapons against the men to punish and financially destroy them.
We don’t like to talk about it — but not all women are victims. We have all been conditioned to believe the majority of people who commit abuse are men — but it’s not true. Some women can be abusers too.
Don’t get me wrong, there are good women and bad women. But the fact is that children are more likely to suffer covert emotional abuse and neglect at the hand of their mothers.
The parental alienation survey within the UK states that 56% of survey respondents were male; 43% were female who was victims of parental alienation. We should put aside our prejudice and look at the facts, even when we don’t like what we see.
Mothers can emotionally abuse children and get away with it.
My close friend was in a short and turbulent relationship with an emotional abuse woman. She entrapped him by getting pregnant — he is a good man and would do anything and everything for the wellbeing of their child. Soon after the birth of their son, he left the abusive relationship and shared care of the child with his ex.
His ex was neglectful, abusive and alienating so he took the matters to the court to receive sole custody of their child. His application was unsuccessful as it would cause severe detriment for the mother — not the child. The mother was found to be emotionally, financially unstable and has had the contact order enforced but somehow she still ended up being the primary “carer” of the child.
My close friend along with the majority of men is unable to follow through with the contact arrangements order. Why? Because their ex is playing emotional games with the child and is refusing contact: changing times, making other plans on the set dates and making threats.
Having the contact order, parental responsibility shared care and enforced order doesn’t protect the child from the emotionally abusive mother. She can still cause trouble and keep alienating the child. Often the fathers have no other option than to “back away” to avoid causing further distress to their children.
Emotionally abusive mothers isolate the other parent from the family. My friend’s ex-partner acted as a gatekeeper. She did all in her power to prevent her child from spending time with him, from talking on the phone and messaging — she repeatedly broke the agreed court arrangements.
Emotionally abusive mothers cause financial hardships. During their custody battle, my friend’s ex refused to talk to him other than through solicitors or the court. She also repeatedly failed to communicate on medical and educational issues and relay important schooling information.
She was “taunting” him to go back to court to cause even more financial damage, knowing too well that the system won’t be of help to him. She made false allegations of neglect and mental health difficulty to intervene in any way possible with his arranged appointments, events and activities. When my friend took their child on the holiday she reported abduction.
On countless occasions, his ex destroyed the gifts he has sent to their child and has told the child that the father doesn’t love them. She did all to foster that belief in the child’s mind to turn them against their father.
In the end, it was the child who suffered the most.
Emotional child abuse can take several forms. Some of them are very covert such as repeatedly denigrating the other parent, insisting to stop referring to the other parent as “dad” and talking about the other parent.
Malicious mother also burdens their children with their own emotional traumas — they act fearful and distressed when the child is about to spend the time with the other parent to create a distorted picture of the situation and make the child believe that the other parent is “unsafe.”
Malicious mothers tend to act in abusive ways and sometimes their lack of actions can be abusive too. Whenever my friend’s child speaks on the phone with him the calls are being monitored and quite often when they are having a great time, the mother reappears and cuts the conversation.
Children are emotional sponges — they can feel that something is going on even though they can’t name it.
I will name it — it’s abuse.
The consequences of child abuse in any form can be severe and can persist into adulthood. A child often believes that they are responsible for the abuse and may develop many mental health issues. Abused children quite often have attachment and intimacy issues, troubled relationships with peers, and anger issues.
Young adults who experienced emotional abuse as children are more likely to be diagnosed with at least one mental illness and also have a higher risk of suicide. Abused children grow into becoming abusers themselves in adulthood. So they repeat the vicious circle of abuse.
Feminists speak about male domestic violence(domestic violence against women/men is unacceptable) but the issue is that mothers are actually more likely than fathers to neglect and emotionally and physically abuse their children.
If we want to break the cycle of child abuse and neglect, we should consider all factors. And one of them is that mothers are also sometimes part of the problem and that unfortunately due to existing prejudices in our society — these mothers are not held accountable.
Their children are.
Thank you for reading.
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