avatarDeb Fiore, LICSW

Summary

The author shares their journey of self-discovery and healing through John Bradshaw's workshop, learning to embrace their inner child and cope with family dynamics, ultimately leading to personal growth and gratitude for their supportive partner.

Abstract

In the final part of a series, the author recounts their transformative experience at John Bradshaw's workshop, where they confront the challenges of their relationship with their mother and the concept of self-acceptance. The narrative describes the author's realization that their mother may never accept them for who they are, a painful revelation that prompts a necessary emotional release and a commitment to self-care. The author's partner, Lee, also undergoes a significant emotional journey, finding the workshop to be a profound but difficult experience. The story emphasizes the importance of healing one's inner child to overcome trauma and the value of feeling loved and safe. It concludes with the author expressing deep appreciation for Bradshaw's impact on their life and sharing related works from other writers to inspire readers on their own healing journeys.

Opinions

  • The author believes in the therapeutic power of acknowledging and addressing one's inner child, as emphasized by John Bradshaw.
  • There is an opinion that some family relationships may be beyond repair and that it is sometimes necessary to distance oneself from toxic influences for personal well-being.
  • The author values the support of their partner, Lee, who is described as a source of strength and understanding throughout the emotional process.
  • The workshop is seen as a catalyst for deep emotional work, which can lead to both immediate insights and long-term processing of feelings.
  • There is a strong endorsement of John Bradshaw's teachings and their effectiveness in personal transformation and healing.
  • The author holds the view that mental health and self-care should be prioritized, and that sharing personal stories can be a powerful tool for healing and connection.
  • The author expresses gratitude towards mental health professionals and the availability of support during challenging emotional work.
  • There is an appreciation for the community of writers on Medium who contribute to

This happened to me

How I Ran Away From My Family, Pt 3

And discovered how to heal with my inner child

Photo by Diego Rosa on Unsplash

“I believe that this neglected, wounded inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.” — John Bradshaw

If you missed my first story about John Bradshaw’s workshop and how I discovered my inner child, here’s the link:

You can find Part Two here:

During the last day of the workshop, I was finally able to ask Bradshaw the burning question that I had wanted to ask him for years. It was a turning point for me. Suddenly I understood the depth of the following mantra I learned in Psychology 101:

“There is no way to change how others act. All you can change is your own reaction to someone’s actions.”

I led with that therapeutic approach. Bradshaw listened carefully to my question about my mother and my dilemma.

“What if my mother refuses to accept the changes in me? What if she refuses to accept who I am?”

Bradshaw’s response was a bit disturbing but then again, that is what I liked most about John. He was always real and authentic.

John replied, “If she cannot accept you for who you are, then there is nothing to be done. You have to get away from her toxic poison or it will destroy you.”

“Sometimes you have to give up on people. Not because you don’t care but because they don’t.” — Steve Maraboli

Bradshaw’s words were the ones I had dreaded to hear. I almost wished that he would have lied to me and given me hope that things would get better. My head was spinning and my tears were ready to overflow.

It felt like I had lost my last tiny fragment of hope to continue a relationship with my mother.

My heart understood that I could no longer remain on that river of denial.

I could no longer sweep all my pain and anger under the rug in order to help my mother feel better.

“In a healthy family, they help you become who you are. In a dysfunctional family, they tell you how you should be. Mostly they tell you, it’s not okay to be who you are.” — John Bradshaw

Bradshaw gave me the answer. Sadly, not the response I was seeking.

A myriad of conflicting thoughts was swirling through my mind! My emotions were overwhelming. I was afraid I was going to melt down and not finish the workshop. Instead, I soldiered forward and pushed the feelings away. As far away as possible.

I wanted to stay present in the workshop. It was too important for my sanity.

I was so grateful that Hubby was there with me. Lee is my rock. We have been together for over twenty years. It’s the second time around for both of us. We know each other well and we are always learning. Learning keeps us moving forward and growing. Bradshaw’s workshop was life-changing for both of us.

Although Lee had watched the PBS series: Homecoming, he thought the intensity of the live workshop was amazing. Some of Bradshaw’s words and ideas resonated within him completely. Lee was astonished at how people opened up and did not hold back.

Complete strangers cast together and working on a common bond of not feeling good enough. Hubby discovered some of his own family issues and he went into a deep depression after that weekend.

It took another month for Lee to process pieces of his own emotions. It was terrifying at times because he retreated completely within himself.

I was careful not to push because his emotions felt like shards of glass that could cut very deeply. One day he moved forward and reached the other side. Or at least some kind of acceptance. It was such a relief.

Lee surprised me when he said: “Bradshaw’s workshop was the experience of a lifetime for me. I am very glad that I did not miss it… but I would not go again!”

I am so glad Lee was there to share the experience with me. Above all, I am thankful we did not lose one another along the tricky terrain of emotions. I am forever grateful to have him in my life.

We are both blessed. I look forward to continuing our journey together … wherever it takes us.

Author’s Note: There were several mental health clinicians available at the workshop for anyone feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk privately.

A final few minutes… Bradshaw’s interview describes how he began to discover his inner child. He also discusses how he found peace within himself. This was one of the final interviews with John before he died in 2016.

Dear John, thank you for all you did. My life is not the same because of your work and how much it helped me. RIP, dear friend. You are missed greatly.

KEY MESSAGE: Every child deserves to be loved and to feel safe. Healing from trauma begins with our wounded inner child. When we discover we are not alone and we begin to believe we are good enough, we can begin to heal.

Please let me know if anything in my story resonated with you. What kind of thoughts and emotions did my story bring to mind?

I feel as if Bradshaw saved my life. I hope you find pieces of his work that are helpful for you. Best wishes on your healing journey. *June 2022

Now that you read the final part of my Bradshaw series, I want to share stories from other writers who I enjoy reading. First, my dear friend, Sam Finlayson. She writes her heart out and you can feel it in her every word.

Another of my favorite writers, Pam Winter wrote this informative article about a critical topic: mental health. The topic is still taboo and awareness is needed for people to heal.

Preeti Ramachandran is an amazing writer and a caring person. Her story about Mike is a great way to describe who she lives with every day: anxiety.

Lastly, I want to share a quick motivational story from another wonderful writer, Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles. She does not only collect smiles. She gives many smiles away. Look, I’m smiling as I write this about her. Enjoy.

… I want to shout out to some of my friends here on Medium. Thank you for your continued support. You are greatly appreciated.

A special note of gratitude to my dear friend, Art Bram who helped me with editing. You are amazing, Art. Thank you for taking the time to help me with this project and thank you for all your support.

Please note this is a partial list. JS Adam Donnette Anglin Norlisa Alias Lena Ann Nancy Blackman Diana C. Linda Caroll Carrie Barbara Cook Liberty Forrest, Author Julia Freeman, an anonymous survivor Justiss Goode Tree Langdon Assumpta Nalubowa Jeofrey Ogire Sahil Patel Ilis Trudie Palmer David Perlmutter Dr Andrea Polzer Liz Porter Robert Ralph Maria Rattray James Frank Sanders Dr. Preeti Singh Ann van der Giessen Winston Dr Mehmet Yildiz

This Happened To Me
Mental Health
Relationships
Family
Inner Child
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