Nurturing Yourself Should Be A Priority?

Promptly Written Monthly Theme: May

A child growing up in a family devoid of nurture is like a flower being denied the sun. Will the flower die? Not straight away, but it will also not really be alive.

“LOVE IS A FLOWER

Treat your relationship

As if you are growing

The most beautiful sacred flower.

Keep watering it,

Tend to the roots,

And always make sure

The petals are full of color

And are never curling.

Once you neglect your plant,

It will die,

As will your relationship.”

— Suzy Kassem (Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem)

We learn how to nurture or be nurtured by our parents/caregivers. So how do we figure this out when it is not offered, but we are too young to understand it is missing? How does this poor example of care impact us?

For me, it manifested as a lack of care for myself and hyper care for others. My needs became secondary to everyone else. This wasn’t only due to a lack of nurturing, trauma is more complex than that. It was a factor, a piece of the puzzle.

I became the ultimate nurturer of family, friends even strangers. I felt their pain keenly, understanding what they needed because I needed it too. I convinced myself that by helping, my demons would be silenced. I would offer people what I had scarcely experienced. I knew how it felt to be denied. My own children became so important to me that they were almost smothered. This can be part of the problem when all the nurturing is outward, too much is as damaging as not enough.

“The sad thing that many of us empaths don’t realize is that often our desire to heal others is a disguised cry for help for our own healing. Because many of us weren’t taught how to value or nurture ourselves at a young age, we tend to unconsciously seek out our own healing in the healing of others.”

― Mateo Sol, Awakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual Healing

So we get caught in a trap of filling others up with love and care we never received. Hoping that someone will peek behind the curtains see our pain, and fulfill our needs. This never happens we are left feeling unsatisfied and the cycle continues.

My hiatus has brought with it a litany of revelations. I realise to be considered by others, you first must consider yourself. To be cared for by others you must care for yourself. Becoming friends with and understanding yourself is the key. It unlocks the place inside of you where that little child lives, demanding care and attention. In giving this metaphorical child a hug, an ear, a place, you understand you deserve love.

“My friend…care for your psyche…know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves” -Socrates”

— Socrates

I sometimes wonder what person I would have become with a stable childhood free of trauma. Nurtured, kept safe. There is an argument that I turned into a caring person because of my lack of nurturing. In truth we will never know how nurturing would have shaped me. All I know is that as a result of the sum of my trauma, I forgot my own care. I learned, through a lack of nurture I was second, and now I understand this is not the case.

I have chosen to nurture myself. It will not be easy, fighting with that voice in your head till you are broken. I know this, the battle for myself, for my basic needs to be met, is important. I have, over the last few months, begun my journey it has not been easy. Stepping out of the dark seldom is.

That inner voice will tell you what you are doing is selfish, you don’t deserve it. People in your life may be the same, but the weight of all these voices will, at first, break your spirit. Don’t let it. We are survivors, we have stood tall through experiences that no one should have to shoulder. We are still here fighting though for others. Time to turn that care inwards.

I am copying the link to the theme. I haven’t followed quite as directed sorry Ravyne Hawke. Interested in your guys' thoughts check it out.

If you do decide to become a member, please consider using my referral link by clicking here. I will receive a portion of your fee which will help me write more stories. You can also read more of my work by clicking here.