How Forgiveness Gives You the Strength to Live a Happier Life

Courtesy of a six-year-old boy.

My niece Nia loves to boss around. It’s her toys, her space, her games, her turn. She puts another kid down and rolls her eyes at his comments. This 5-year-old likes to provoke for fun and often ends up in a conflict. But Nia usually gets away with it because she has a “strong character”.

She can’t play with two kids at the same time. Whenever she is with my twins, Nia chooses an ally to attack the other. There always has to be some competition she must win. Yesterday while my daughter and son were swinging, Nia decided to cheer:

“Go higher! Come on, don’t let him win! Beat him! Bravo, you’re the best!” she was rallying. “She is so much better than you!” she shouted at him.

It went on for ten minutes. My son, who lags behind his sister emotionally, started to object. Why wouldn’t she stop with criticism when he loves her so dearly? In the end, he started to cry.

“Stop it, Nia,” I said. “He should talk back,” my dad responded. “But he can’t even make a decent sentence when he’s angry.” “You can’t overprotect him. He should stand up for himself and argue,” said my father, the 65-year-old who still isn’t good with self-control.

How do I expect a highly sensitive six-year-old to do the same? Coming back from the park, she continued to prey on him with “You can’t touch the flower”, “Don’t stand here”. And so the mama bear in me started to holler.

In the evening Nia had to apologize for her behavior on a video call. As I handed him the phone, my son was already smiling.

“Look, Nia, I had an electric shock,” he said, showing her a small white dot on his finger over the screen. An hour before, he touched Christmas lights on their playhouse and a part of the cable fell off. “Really? I wanted to say I’m sorry.” “Never mind,” he beamed and kept on chatting.

I felt for him. He looked so exposed. This little man had such a big heart to let her in any time she liked. Of course, she was going to annoy him again. She just can’t help but dominate. I couldn’t believe his kindness. He was happy just to see her face.

We often think forgiveness will make us more vulnerable to future blows. But it is actually a strength.

Forgiveness Erases the Toxic and Gets You a Healthier Life

How many heartaches until my son realizes the world isn’t a list of his best wishes? While I was growing up, life hurt so much I locked my heart to keep it in one piece. Now I want what he has: To forgive quickly and move on unbothered.

By the time Nia called, my boy had already forgotten about their conflict. His little tragedy ended right after she stopped with provocations. If you asked him how his day was, he would say fine. He didn’t ruin it with bad feelings, what-ifs, and should-haves. He wasn’t resentful while Nia had already forgotten all about it. He was happy instead.

A 2001 study has proved that forgiveness saves both your mental and physical health. Just thinking about hurtful memories increases your heart rate and blood pressure. But if you have forgiving thoughts, your physiological stress lowers. You aren’t so anxious or depressed. In short, if you forgive the other person, you protect your overall well-being.

And you feel more hopeful.

With Forgiveness, You Are Open to the Future

My son didn’t ruminate or bear a grudge because Nia made him cry. For him, it was just another experience. When she called in the evening, he was ready to get into new adventures with his cousin. Obviously, my boy can enjoy the moment more than I’m able to.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you accept regular maltreatment. You can even forgive and move on without the other person. Forgiveness gives you closure to the past. With it, you remove your dark thoughts and feelings faster. Life in front of you looks brighter. And you can embrace new experiences without the constant fear of being hurt.

Forgiveness also improves your relationships.

You Can Form More Meaningful Connections

My son loves Nia dearly. To see him so kind to her got me sentimental. How can you not love that forgiving boy? Next time he destroys something, I won’t make a fuss about it. He is a little terminator but he is also affectionate and thoughtful. You cannot but treasure someone so considerate toward others.

Close relationships are tricky. There is always a chance the other person might hurt you. Still, everyone makes mistakes but not all of us do it to hurt others. If you can forgive and reconnect with the offender, you also make the relationship stronger.

No matter how independent you are, you need tight bonds with others. They help you go through uncertainty. Forgiveness really is the key to a happy life.

Conclusion

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.” — Anne Lamott, American novelist

Every time someone hurts you, you can think of their rudeness or remember why forgiveness is a better option:

• Forgive to be happier and healthier. If you excuse the other person, you won’t ruminate. You will neither be bitter nor feel like crap anymore.
• Enjoy what life brings you. Forgiveness helps you leave the past behind. It also makes you more enthusiastic to what’s ahead of you.
• Forgiveness helps you build close relationships. If you remember you also make mistakes and empathize with the other person, you are building something that lasts.

I can’t even recall how much energy I lost holding resentment against someone. It takes time and strength to overcome the hurt. But forgiveness makes you appreciate life more.

To pardon someone, remember it is for your own health and satisfaction. When someone hurts you, try to reframe it. Find compassion toward the offender. Without forgiveness, you could lose a relationship with the one you love. Life is both too hard and too beautiful to spend it on your own. One day you may need to share with that person: “Look, I had an electric shock”.

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