How Do I Tell a Guy I’m Not Interested After Two Dates?

5 ways I might tell a man I’m not that into him.

My friend and I were talking about a guy she’s seeing. She wants to tell him she’s not into him. But she’s dreading it. How do you tell someone in the nicest possible way that you aren’t interested?

It shouldn’t be a big deal.

They’ve only recently met one another.

We are talking about one dating app, a few weeks of chatting, and two dates.

My friend and I spoke on the phone again today. She still can’t bring herself to do it. A nice person doesn’t want to hurt another nice person. I get it.

I mean — I totally get it.

“This is why I didn’t want to jump on a dating app to begin with,” I say. “I had a conversation with another friend over a year ago about this.”

Why?

The world of dating apps is about exploration.

It’s a numbers game.

You have to talk to a lot of people. And that’s just to determine whether or not you are a good match for a date. One thing is inevitable if you choose online dating.

You must develop a particular expertise.

A kind and respectful exit strategy.

And there’s more…SO much more as you can see below. So many choices to make. But this girl still needs help with number 5. Why?

Because I’m back on a dating app.

5 Ways I can tell a man I no longer want to see him.

1. Do you exit with a call or a text?

How do you break the news with your cell phone?

Do you say, “I’m not that into you,” or “I’m not interested in you,” with a phone call or via text?

Respect and kindness are important to me. Here’s what I would say my litmus test is.

But please chime in if you disagree.

I think in my friend’s dating app timeframe, a text would be fine. It wasn’t a fast, furious, or serious romance. The few weeks they have known each other have been courteous and friendly.

They have exchanged some pleasantries and gone on two dates.

In light of this, it shouldn’t be hurtful to receive a polite message via text.

On the other hand, I recently spoke about a friend who was seeing a guy for a month. It was serious despite the timeframe. They saw each other constantly and talked about the future.

But then he cooled off AND she discovered he had her listed in his phone under a man’s name. Not cool. He was likely seeing other women. When she asked why she was listed as a man, he never responded.

Sorry, but this should have been a phone call, not a text or lack of one.

2. Do you just keep making excuses?

Do you just keep making excuses because it’s an easy out?

My friend and I discussed a few excuses she has made thus far. Do you blame her? I can’t because I am an avoider. I hate to do unpleasant things so I could easily fall into this category.

And it’s even easier to do in online dating.

But it’s not the right thing to do.

Again, this is just my opinion so please chime in if you disagree.

I would probably do this for a few days and then come clean. I’m a procrastinator but I ultimately face the music. I can’t continually make excuses until I hope someone gives up. Even when hiding behind the online dating world.

You can call me out on this if I eat my words in a few weeks.

Now that I’m jumping back on a dating app.

3. Do you block them?

Do you block someone you are no longer interested in?

Okay, this one is making me cringe a little because I’ve never blocked anyone until recently. Don’t worry, I immediately unblocked him whether he knows it or not.

But it wasn’t the same circumstances.

I liked the guy I blocked so it doesn’t count in this case. If he lived closer I would still want to see him. And there was this whole misunderstanding thing that might have temporarily traumatized me. I am being a bit dramatic but you get the point.

Okay, now that I have clarified my guilty conscience.

I gotta give this one ‘as mentioned above’ a somewhat hypocritical no.

This is my opinion, so please chime in if you disagree.

It’s not cool to block someone instead of coming clean. They deserve an honest and dignified “I’m not that into you.” Not the brutal blow-off of the dating and online dating worlds.

It’s the old treat others the way you want to be treated adage.

4. Do you ghost them?

Do you ghost someone you don’t want to go on another date with?

I mean what can I say about ghosting?

No one and I mean no one wants to be ghosted. Rumor has it at least one online dating app has banned ghosting. Let’s be honest. Ghosting is avoidance at the highest level.

“It’s not okay to ghost someone,” says the avoider and procrastinator (that’s me) if you don’t understand who exactly I’m quoting — Moi.

It’s not cool, this is just my opinion so please chime in if you disagree.

Grow up, be respectful, do what’s hard, and text the person.

I mean, texting is almost like a cheater's version of ghosting.

All you have to do is type some difficult words and hit send and you’re done.

5. Use your words

Use your words and come up with a response you don’t agonize over.

Okay, so we have found my preferred category.

I’m a use your words kinda gal.

The first friend I asked over a year ago, told me this worked the best for her. She has been dating online for several years. She said it made it less painful. It was easier. It made her dread it less. She had a routine response.

Such as:

“As much as I like and respect you I don’t think we are a great match.”

“I don’t think we’re a great fit but I wish you the best.”

“I had a lot of fun but I don’t think we have that much in common.”

“You are nice but I’m not interested in another date and I wish you the best.”

“You are great but I don’t think we made a strong connection.”

Here’s the problem.

I do like the polite and direct response.

I think it’s smart to not over-explain your online dating exit. But I don’t like any of the options above. I need help coming up with a better dating exit line….says the writer.

I know that’s kind of funny.

I could make it personal but I think that’s transparently insincere and feels like a lie, “You’re great but I’m going to use this time to work on myself.” Or “I’m not sure I even want to keep dating right now.”

To be fair, that second answer may end up being true for me.

But until is, I’m going with the non-personal ‘we’ rather than ‘me’ response.

This is just my opinion, so please chime in if you disagree.

I’m feeling pretty proud of myself since I am an avoider and procrastinator. Don’t believe me? I jumped into the online dating world at the beginning of last year, only to bounce off of it.

A few of the articles below chronicle my false online dating start.

I made an online dating profile and never responded to one guy.

But I swear I’m ready now.

For reals. This avoider and procrastinator is ready for the dating app. I’m facing my worst online dating app fear. I don’t want to meet a great guy and then tell him I’m just not that into him.

Just like my friend’s dilemma.

I know guys struggle too.

The online dating world’s not easy for men either, exits aren’t pleasant.

The dating world is emotional improv.

That’s why this girl is going in with at least one script.