How Can a Compassionate Empath Become Really FINISHED with a Narcissist?
That depends on how you define “finished”
You know yourself well.
Your big, beautiful heart has gotten the best of you more than once.
You want to be done with the narcissist.
You want to stop thinking about them.
You want to stop energetically feeling their moods, even though you’ve been no contact for months.
You wonder how you can become really FINISHED, how you can say ENOUGH and mean it, when you will truly be FREE.
The answer depends on your definition of “finished”
Does finished mean…
- The relationship has ended?
- You’ve gone no contact?
- You’ve completely healed?
If you don’t complete your healing journey, you risk being sucked back in, being targeted by new narcissists in the future, feeling broken and bitter for the rest of your life.
Most people stop at step 3 and remain at risk for all of the above.
The unique challenges of the empath
This is especially true for you as an empath. You feel the narcissist’s pain, fear, and anger.
If you have a subconscious codependent script, as many do, you feel a strong desire to put other people first, to people-please, to “fix” others and their problems.
These qualities sound generous, even admirable, until you look more closely.
This way of being is not just the opposite of selfish, it is the epitome of self-less, meaning you are completely disconnected from your own needs.
How does this show up?
- Giving someone your only water bottle, then getting dehydrated
- Giving someone at work who forgot their lunch yours and going hungry
- Sitting behind slow-moving traffic to avoid inconveniencing people in the fast lane
- Allowing someone to push in front of you when you’ve been in line for hours
- Tolerating relentless emotional abuse from a relative at Christmas, because you know it’s important to your mom that the whole family is together
In these examples, you are giving the stranger on the plane your oxygen mask. You are not able to help anyone.
Sometimes life gets messy
Look, I’m not talking about lack of kindness.
If I’m in a long bathroom line and someone behind me is desperate, about to poop their pants, am I going to let them go ahead of me? Of course, I am.
A codependent empath, on the other hand, will let someone skip ahead because that person looks rushed, then poop their own pants.
They are disconnected from their own needs. Or, if they are aware of their needs, they still put others’ needs first.
Codependency meets emotional dependency
Codependent empaths become emotionally dependent empaths when they dismiss their emotional needs to put those of someone else first.
It happens more often than you think.
- You stuff down your anger so that the other person doesn’t feel badly.
- You hide your hurt so you don’t make someone angry.
- You bury your need for emotional support knowing it will be exploited.
Dismissing your own needs, turning your back on yourself, takes you further out of alignment.
It is blatantly telling yourself the other person is more important and you don’t deserve to feel whole, peaceful, or connected.
Hot tip: If you have a strong desire to be seen and heard, you are not seeing and hearing yourself right now. Your experience won’t shift until you do.
The secret to truly breaking free
Healing the codependency and emotional dependency are the key.
How do you do that?
You complete the 5-step journey. You extract your trauma. You connect deeply to the truth of who you are.
Only then are you free to be truly finished with the narcissist.
And you get to keep your big, beautiful heart.
Stay tuned tomorrow for 6 Things that Make an Empath Absolutely Ambivalent to a Narcissist.
Disclaimer: This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may be helpful to you.
Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a trauma and covert narcissistic abuse expert who helps high-impact women break free from the longstanding after effects of narcissistic abuse. Download her free risk-assessment guide, 3 Hidden Financial Risks Every High Income Woman MUST Avoid While Coparenting with a Covert Narcissist and find information on working with her on her website.
Recommended for you: Is Empathy a Gift or a Self-Love Deficit? and How Does an Educated Empath Become a Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare?